To all parents:?

Question

I recently read an article stating that parents should tell their kids the truth about their past: the example they had was to come clean to their kids and tell them if they had smoked pot when they were young. 'Experts' say that it will help with communication between parent and child about drugs. What do you guys think? Would you tell your kids you smoked pot, or whatever other things you might have done? Just curious. I'm not sure, I think there are good things and bad things about coming clean... would love to hear some opinions. Thanks.

I think the experts should have posted the question on here before publishing their article! There are some great answers here! I appreciate you guys answering!

Answer 1

That is simply not realistic - and there are many other articles and studies saying the exact opposite.
There are things my kid won't know til he's 30 - and maybe not even by then.
For example, I smoke on occasion, but there is NO way I will ever tell him at what age I began smoking. As far as he knows, it was when I was an adult.
It's the JOB of parents to encourage the most perfect values and guidelines they can for the children - because though no children are perfect, they need guidelines to which they can aspire.

Answer 2

I think this is an age specific issue. Telling your 7 year old you used to smoke pot, won't exactly endear them to you at that age and they aren't mature enough to get the whole picture. When my kids ask, I plan on telling them there are things I have done and tried that I wish I hadn't and then, when they are more grown up, I will give them a wider view of the picture. However, I don't think exposing your kids to all of the details is exactly smart either. You're still the parent, and they still need to see you as that for the rest of their lives. You can have open communication without saying something like, "Well, in college, just before I passed out in a pool of my own vomit, and right after doing a keg stand I (_____ fill in the blank)". Just a "In college I tried pot with a friend, and wouldn't choose that now because it doesn't fit my lifestyle and it isn't smart to break the law." But again, that last answer's specific nature should be saved for a child in their mid to late teens, I think. Good luck, and great question. Thanks for listening to my opinion.

Answer 3

I don't think is a good Idea because if you are a good example to them @ the present time there should be no necessity for you to talk to them about your past. Personally I would not feel that proud if I would know that my mother in her pass life was a prostitute or my dad was a drug dealer.. or anything bad about their pass. I feel that the most important thing parents should do is lead a good example to their kids and be open to them by telling them the consequences of wrong actions..But not leading them to think that you were a bad person in your pass. Because remember for some kids their parents are their heroes.

Answer 4

I think that you have to use judgement as to what you reveal and when. I have come pretty clean with my 18 year old, but my 8 year old still knows very little. There are plenty of polls that say kids generally care about what their parents think, so I think talking to them about not smoking pot, for example, and using your experience as part of the discussion could be helpful.

Answer 5

I am in the same situation. Personally, I think it is better to keep quiet about some things until your children are older. For example, I may mention experience with the use of illegal substances after the children are 20 or so. I certainly won't tell them as young teens that I did it too. I believe that would only send them the message that it is ok, since Dad did it.

Answer 6

"Experts" are not the parents of your child. You have the choice to raise them how you want to, what you think is right. If you think you make a mistake, learn from it, forgive yourself that you are not perfect and go on. Nobody has the right to tell you how to raise your kids. If they think they do, tell them they are invited to help with potty training, vomit clean up, "they can do it, why can't I do it" conversations, the whining and agrueing stages that don't seem to end, and of course, the wonderful teenage years! And no, there are some things I will never tell my kids. Communication is what you make of it, not what people think of it. Good luck!

Answer 7

Great Question and conversation starter. My mother told me when I was 17 that she had smoked pot, she said it was not that she was proud of it but that she just wanted me to know she was a kid once to. That does not mean that I went out and lit up the next day. but yes some things should be discussed and some more mature things should not, I guess that just part of being a parent figuring out which is which.

Answer 8

I was raised with my mom being honest about everything that we asked about her past. And when I say everything I mean from smoking pot, taking acid, sneaking out, getting pregnant at 17 and getting an abortion, then getting pregnant a year later and being kicked out of the house for not getting a second abortion.

I think the honesty and openess my mother expressed did more for us kids to learn from her mistakes than to keep it all secret from us.

Answer 9

If you raise your kids right, then whatever you tell them you did as a child should have no effect on the decisions they make. They do need to know that you are not perfect and you were a kid/teen once and we all make bad choices but learn from them.

Answer 10

Yea, I think you should tell them and add in the lesson that you learned from it and why they shouldn't do it. I think it's best to be honest and up front. If they hear stories from other sources about you when you were younger they might not come across the way that you would want them to. Instead of it being a lesson learned it could come across more like "mom was friggin cool as hell when she was my age".