He's 22, I'm 27. It's so hard to have lucid conversations about emotional topics because he blows his top before you even finish your say. Sat. night he calls upset about a big problem with school. He asks, ASKS, what I think, what to do. I ask clarifying questions and start to talk. I don't even get to FINISH as he thinks I'm b!tching at him and hangs up on me. I call back, leave a message about growing up (reference to the hang up) and taking responsibility w/out lashing out on others trying to help. He calls back (I don't think he got the message yet) and proceeds to CURSE at me for being the "superior older sister." I hang up, I don't need this abuse. He seeks me out when it's too late, doesn't like what I have to say even when I try to be sensitive, and makes me the bad guy. Funny since he always accuses me of being too nice to people. I'm flying home from out of state for the weekend and don't know what to do, what to tell our parents if he refuses to see me, I'm so fed up!
2007-08-29 07:39:44 · 5 answers · asked by Sophra 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He actually did specifically ask for advice as he's in a pretty desperate situation. It's not like volunteered to poke my nose where it doesn't belong, at least this time.
2007-08-29 07:52:14 · update #1
I know the difference between people needing a sounding board to vent and people actually wanting advice. He literally asked for advice.
2007-08-29 08:23:32 · update #2
Stop helping him and tell him to ask your parents. They are there to give advice. You don't need to be the bad guy, I'm sure you have plenty more to deal with than that.
When he matures, and proves it to you, then you should CONSIDER giving him advice again.
If he's not willing to listen, why tell him anything at all?
As far as the get together goes....Don't worry about it. You are obviously more grown and mature, and I'm sure the rest of the family will recognize that.
2007-08-29 07:44:38 · answer #1 · answered by Master C 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he comes home still mad and your parents ask, tell them you and your brother had a fight over the phone and he hasn't gotten over it, yet.
Perhaps now is the time to also tell your brother that you are not able to help him with his problems and that he should talk to someone else when he has one so that you two don't get into these types of fights.
2007-08-29 14:43:55 · answer #2 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit helping him with his problems. He's not asking for help, he's looking for someone to vent his frustration on. If your parents notice anything, tell them he didn't like what you had to say about an issue and leave it at that.
2007-08-29 14:45:40 · answer #3 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
since he gets upset when you give advice, maybe he just needs a sounding board?
he can probably figure out solutions to his own problems. sometimes we just need to hear ourselves talk things out.
if you two decide to start communicating again, and he calls and starts complaining about something, don't offer any advice. just listen... if he asks for advice, tell him he's gong to have to figure it out because you don't know what is best for him.
that ought to do it.
2007-08-29 15:18:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
if he burns you all the time then tell him you can't trust him until hes proven he can respect you. Until then it has to be tough love otherwise he'll just keep using you.
2007-08-29 14:44:54 · answer #5 · answered by Balrog 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋