Am I being abused or disciplined?

Question

My mom and I have been fighting for years. I am 16 and she often gets angry at me for talking back or being fresh. I will admit that I am not a perfect angel - I have started SOME of these fights and sometimes fight back or swear at her, too. She has told me she hates me, but on the "good days" she denies she has said that. Now, she makes sure that she tells me "You deserve every bad thing that happens to you...when you're like this" or "you are an embarassment to our family...when you're like this." She does hit me a lot, and not on the hand or butt, but on the arm multiple times once after I got a blood test on the same arm, and across my face REALLY HARD (once so hard that I blacked out in one eye for a moment). On the day of the blood test, when I hadn't eaten all morning, she threatened to drive me home the long way so I couldn't eat at all. She also threatened to postpone my driver's test, yet refuses to drive me anywhere I want to go to "teach me a lesson." I can't deal. HELP!

Answer 1

What is going on between your mother and you is far beyond discipline. I would suggest talking to a school counselor, or calling your local abuse hot-line. You can normally find those numbers in the front of the phone book.

What she's doing to you is physical, as well as mental abuse, and you don't have to take it.

Please seek help with your situation. You're the only person who can help your situation, you just have to take that first step.

Good luck Hannah.

Answer 2

IMHO your mother shouldn't be hitting you at all. If she has struck you so hard that you almost passed out, by any standard that would be considered abuse. Violence is never the answer to a problem (barring physical assault and defending yourself from such) and generally almost always makes things worse. I'm very sorry to hear she is verbally abusive to you at times as well. It would certainly be a far better thing if she tried to encourage you rather than beat you down. It sounds as if she is going through quite a bad time herself that she isn't able to be kinder to you and speak to you more gently. However, I don't know what situations you refer to when you say she is verbally abusive (ie. in the case where she says "you deserve every bad thing that happens to you...when you are like this"). Perhaps she is right to be upset by your behavior but certainly more care should be taken in how she speaks to you. Of course, you should try to have respect for her, as your mom, when you speak to her too. It's a very difficult situation when you have a parent that sets a poor example on how to treat someone with kindness and respect. It might be a good idea to go stay with a relative for a while if this is possible and seek some counsel from your local church or from school.

Answer 3

It is never okay for a parent to hit their child. It sounds like your Mom is physically and mentally abusive. She sounds very immature with the whole "you deserve all the bad things that happen to you", parents are supposed to be adults. You need to talk to someone at your school about this. But the whole postponing the drivers test isn't abuse, it's just her abusing the power that she has over you. Seriously though you need to get help, talk a counselor at your school your Mom can't continue to hit you...

Answer 4

Yes. That is abuse. Try and remember the dates those things occurred and write down the specifics. Under no circumstances should parents put their hands on their children. I understand that the issue is clouded with whether or not spanking is ok, and I am not going to get in to that debate, but this is NOT spanking. You admit that your behavior is poor at times, but all children test their parents. It is the parents job to set boundaries and limitations without inflicting emotional or physical harm. It can be done. I was raised with a good set of rules, consequences for bad behavior and never a physical repercussion, and I was NOT an angel. At all. But me and my two sisters turned out to be responsible, able and kind adults. Please write down every instance and go to your school counselor with your documented events. It will be a long, hard process, but you need help and it will be worth it. Good luck.

Answer 5

I would call it abuse - the Bible says "spare the rod and spoil the child" - however, when you hitting and putting them down (mental abuse), there's a line that's crossed.

You've already admitted you're not perfect, but suggest to your mom that you both get counseling and some sort of anger management. If need to be, check into your child emancipation laws and see if you can be declared an adult and move out. Your other options are to wait until you're 18 and leave; or call Child Protective Services. No one deserves to be beat!

Answer 6

That is child abuse , get help from a family member or counselor at school . Next time she hits you like that call the police and make a report .
In the meantime keep your mouth shut and do not provoke her so much . I have a hunch there is more to it that you are not telling .

Answer 7

Perhaps, you and your mom should look into family counseling. It would help the relationship your mother and you have, and possibly fix it. If the counselor sees something wrong they can also help you, so you are safe. I suggest you look into one in your area. Also... you would have to say something to your mom about it and get her to go to, which may cause more problems, but tell her you would let to see a healthier relationship between you two, and think it would be best.

Answer 8

That is abuse!
Its physical and verbal abuse.
I say get yourself some help before one
of you get hurt. Call the cops from the school and
get your counselor involved.
This type of situation will stay with you the rest of your life
and might have an effect on you raising your children.
If your mom can't be an adult while talking to you
then she does not deserve to have you.

Answer 9

sorry baby; you are abused. she has issues with her life and she's taking it out on you, the victim and she's burdening you with guilt trips too. that's very bad. hitting is very bad. can't you talk to a counselor or something? somebody got to help you professionally!!! you will have to seek help for yourself. you don't deserve this. you're confused bc you really love her.
sorry baby. do something about it. like something rational and positive for you and you alone. you gotta be a little selfish here. good luck. xxx

Answer 10

Your mother should not hit you no matter what. There are other ways of being disciplined. It sounds like she might have a problem or her parents hit her too when she was your age. Try talking to your father about what`s going on or someone else close to you.