I have seen in a few answers that the price of the gift should be comparable to what the bride and groom would be spending on you as a guest to attend the wedding. In essence to cover your meal and such. Has this always been the 'rule'. I think that is absurd. Why should I pay more for couple X mearly because they wanted to use the caterer that charges $90.00 a plate? Is this really the general concensus?
2007-08-29 07:20:53 · 31 answers · asked by Question Addict 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would love to smack whoever started this little tidbit of "etiquette."
Of course it's not the case! Gift giving is as it's always been - while customary, it's not a requirement. And as always, gifts are given freely and from the heart.
I mean, seriously. If I wanted to go out for dinner and drinks, and make sure I had enough money to cover the cost, I would go to a restaurant.
At a wedding, you're the GUEST of the bride and groom. Surely they wouldn't charge you for a meal at their house? What if they had a party? They wouldn't charge you then, right? (I hope not, anyway!). Any couple that expects their guests to cover the cost of their meal really needs to reconsider their wedding - it's a celebration, NOT a fundraiser!
2007-08-29 07:33:06 · answer #1 · answered by sylvia 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I've never heard of that neither. What we do in Britain is:- the couple write a wedding list of presents that can be brought from specific shops i.e Selfridges with a price range from the less expensive to the more expensive which generally only close family members tend to buy. This way the happy couple dont get 6 kettles and 40 towels in various colours etc. Also people can spend as little or as much as they want knowing that the couple do actually want the present regardless of price as the list is passed around and the present ticked off the list. Of course , the very wealthy will do some completly different but I cant help you with that one!!! If I was you I would buy a card and put as much as you can afford (£10 - £50) & they will be greatful as they can put the money towrads something they want. Dont stress about it - have another glass of champagne and enjoy. Enjoy the day.
2007-08-29 14:35:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It didn't EVER come about.
All etiquette gurus agree absolutely that this is a pernicious myth. For one thing, it requires making assumptions about how much was spent on entertaining you, which is the height of impertinance. For another, it punishes couples who haven't the means to give lavish weddings and potential guests who haven't got $300 to spend on one wedding gift.
Ask Miss Manners, Emily Post, or any other true etiquette maven and you'll learn that a wedding gift is - and always has been - entirely optional. It is generous and traditional to give a gift, but it is entirely up to the guest to decide a) whether to give a gift and b) what form the gift should take.
Choose wedding gifts according to your affection for the couple and the state of your bank account, not according to rude assumptions about how much the couple has spent in entertaining you.
When we were married, we received everything from one, lonely place setting of sterling flatware to a set of plastic measuring spoons. The pricetags didn't matter at all. What mattered was the love and care that went into picking these gifts. What mattered was that our friends supported our love and our decision to marry.
2007-08-29 14:39:43 · answer #3 · answered by gileswench 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have heard of this, but not from any source which I would deem reputable (Miss Manners, Emily Post, my mom, etc).
If I'm close enough to someone that I'm attending their wedding, I'll buy them something good. If I don't feel close enough to shell out, I'll RSVP and ensure they don't lose catering money on me.
Will my gift be tagged to the estimated per-plate cost? No. It'll be tagged to what I can afford that I think they'd want. This isn't rocket science.
If a couple is playing The Price is Right to determine whether inviting you was profitable, they've lost sight of the meaning of a gift...and of the occasion.
2007-08-29 14:39:37 · answer #4 · answered by Bill 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have heard that rule since I was young (and that goes back 30 years). Today however, that rule is a bit outdated since plates at a wedding can go to upwards of $200 per person, which would mean a $400 gift if you are going as a couple. I think the rule should be to give what you feel is appropriate and more importantly, what you can afford. Always remember that family usually gives double what the "rule" is, so the bride and groom make up for it anyway.
2007-08-29 14:28:27 · answer #5 · answered by kikio 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It's definitely NOT a rule, but seems to be a regional thing - mostly from answerers that seem to be in the north east US.
It's not right at all. A couple hosts guests to their wedding to celebrate with them - and figures out what type of wedding and reception they are having according to their own budget.
The guests are not required to bring a gift, however most do. And the gift, along with the amount they spend, should be the choice of the couple.
For our wedding, it didn't bother me one whit what people spent on gifts; we know each and every one was from the heart...
2007-08-30 09:11:11 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its more a suggestion then a rule! I have heard this many times before and fact have argued with my fiance about it! We have been to six weddings this year with 4 more to go before dec. while we are trying to pay for our own. He believes that you should try to cover at least the cost of your plate and i believe you give as much as you want depending on how close you are to that person! We gave my best friend in july 300.00 and her was only 50.00 a head but we gave my cousin 100.00 and her plates were 75.00 or something! I think that its not a bad idea just not for me!! Really its what you can afford! My wedding is 45.00 a head and i dont expect to break even on my wedding i would be surprised if i even came close!!
2007-08-29 14:52:51 · answer #7 · answered by RedSoxRock!!! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I prefer to use the old fashioned gift giving rules.
You go out and search for something really special to give the happy couple. Something that will remind them of you.
I have to ask, how do you know how much a plate they are paying? Is it on the invitation now days?
There are always going to be people who can't afford to pay for extravigant gifts and they should not be expected to.
No matter what the gift, it should be graciously accepted and a thank you sent. If they don't appreciate it then get some better friends.
2007-08-29 14:33:05 · answer #8 · answered by Collette L 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think it is crazy.
I am planning a wedding right now. In no way am I banking on getting xxx dollars to help cover the cost of my guests food. I am expecting to take a loss, but it will be a great celebration with everyone I love. Our wedding is paid for by us saving up for 2 years, and anything we do get is like an extra bonus.
My best friend is flying out to be in my wedding, she's pregnant and not rich. I doubt she will be able to afford a "proper" wedding gift. I would prefer it if she didn't get me one at all and saved the money for her baby.
It seems that no one that goes by this rule is answering, check out my previous question and see what people really think...
2007-08-29 14:28:01 · answer #9 · answered by . 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don't go by that at all...so someone who wants an intimate wedding only gets $25, while the person who wants to go over hte top gets 10x that much? That doesn't seem fair...why should I have to pay for their accomodations? I had no say in what they chose, I don't feel any responsibility to "cover" it.
I give a wedding gift based on my relationship with the couple. $100 as a couple minimum.
2007-08-29 14:30:06 · answer #10 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋