How should I respond when very young children ask my toddler daughters (and me!) why we are black?

Question

I have three daughters (ages 1, 2, and 3) and we live in a predominately white community. Lately, my oldest daughter's preschool and dance class peers have been asking, "Why are you so black"? Then they ask me the same thing. I'm so irritated that in the year 2007 parents are still not teaching their children about diversity. I don't know how to respond, partly because I'm annoyed and I don't feel like giving mini-diversity or -religion lessons everywhere we go. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

I would just say, "the same reason you are so white" or whatever color they are, so the world will be more colorful/beautiful.

I agree it is a parents job to teach kids about diversity, but there will always be people like that no matter what.

But not everyone is like that, I am white and we live in a predominantly white/Hispanic area and my kids do know about diversity and they are 6 and 8 and have known for a long time.

Answer 2

Well I wouldn't be too surprised and/or irratated that a 3 yr old is noticing differences in skin color. They are probably just curious. They don't really have diversity classes/politically correct classes for toddlers. This is also one of these issues that parents tend to not discuss untill they feel a need to, ie. the child expresses curiosity. If these children lived in a more diverse area, they naturally wouldn't notice. Since they live in an area that is almost all white, they are going to notice and ask questions, that is the nature of children. Where I live, it is very diverse and the kids never even notice. I'm sure that you can imagine that if the roles where reversed (you had the only white children in an all african american area) you would obviously still get the same question. I wouldn't perceive such an innocent inquiry as an insult. I have very curly hair, and kids always ask, "Why is your hair SO curly?" . . . sometimes, just to make them think I say, "well, why is your hair so straight?" . . . Maybe you could say, "why are you so white?" Or "people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, isn't it a beautiful thing? Would you be happy if the only flavor of ice cream was vanilla?"

Answer 3

Sounds like those 3-year-olds don't get out much....

But try not to be annoyed -- do remember that little kids are just truly seeking information about what they don't know. They'll also ask why someone has freckles or red hair or is very tall or fat or thin or has glasses or a wheelchair or dangly earrings or anything that's not in their personal experience. Of course parents should be teaching about diversity, but very little kids just may not have gotten it yet. Let the preschool teacher know that they should get some books/dolls, etc. with multicultural themes since these kids seem so insulated in their own homogeneous community. In the meantime, just answer the kids' questions -- a simple "different people have different color skin and this is the color I was born with" should suffice.

Answer 4

Because that's how I was made. Plain and simple. Let your kids respond however they want to. I am white and grew up in a predominantly white community. My parents respect diversity and have always taught us that everyone is the same on the inside. However, the first time my younger brother met a black man, he asked my mom three hours later why that man from before had a chocolate face. We knew black people existed, but until you are face to face with someone different from yourself, you don't really think it exists when you're three years old. Don't get frustrated and upset--parents do teach their kids about diversity, but kids have minds of their own! Just say, "that's how I was made" and leave it at that. The answer should suffice.

Answer 5

I don't blame you at all for being irritated and upset. Are your daughters feeling the same or are they just accepting the question as childhood curiosity? That's the big question!

I can understand how you don't feel the need to be the teacher in every situation as well. So I agree with other answers that short & sweet is most likely the best answer if you feel you need to respond at all. Otherwise, you'll put yourself in the role of teaching the lesson...which might not be a bad thing after all...

So I vote for something along the lines of:
Because God made us all unique and special!

Most of all- just continue to talk to your daughters about being proud of who they are inside and out! That way they won't even care if somebody asks such a silly question because their self esteem will be so high it won't matter.

And ask them how they'd like to respond- they may come up with the best answer of all!!

Answer 6

I can't believe that white children are asking this question in this day and age, unless they are being funny. The world is pretty much used to Black Americans by now. However, if it's happening to your child, speak to the dance teacher and the preschool teacher; and have them contact the parents. If these children ask you the same thing (which I cannot imagine them doing), tell them to talk to the teacher as well. If the behavior continues, talk to the principal. No one is asking you to give any lessons, or say anything else to these children. As a responsible parent, give the school a chance to handle this first.

When you live in a predominately white community, you can expect some resistance. Doesn't mean it's fair, but it happens. Most people just want to live in peace. Still, there are some who hold on to the old traditions. All it takes is one child to influence others, which is why you must deal with this in the proper manner. Let the school handle it.

Answer 7

You could say "No two people are alike unless they're twins".

I do feel for you. My first child was born in Salt Lake, which is a VERY white place. He was 20 months old before he saw a black man up close, at an oil change place. He walked up and pointed and said "WHAT is that?" I was HORRIFIED, but before I could respond he said very kindly: "I am an ebony jewel on a white sandy beach-a true rarity in this part of the world". I then apologized and he said he faced it just about every day there. My son, of course, did not understand the reply but was still satisfied. (or maybe he was just confused lol). Maybe you would want to say something similar. Not a mini lecture but wise words all the same!

I also agree with Mal above. In Houston we would talk about snow and ice every winter, but until those kids SAW IT they just didn't get it! It's just how kid's minds work.

Answer 8

Try to remember that kids will say whatever is on their minds. Out of the mouths of babes... We teach our children that God made people different shades of color to make the world more interesting. How boring would it be if everyone looked the same way? And my kids will ask why someone is very very dark while others are very light. Try not to get peeved and just answer however you see fit. Remember that we need to teach our children about diversity and sometimes we need to teach other children too because they have not been taught.

Answer 9

It is rude when kids asks questions like that, but they don't always understand that it is rude to be asking. .My son (4)asked someone in a wheelchair why they weren't walking like everyone else. And I was super embarrassed because it wasn't that I wasn't teaching my child, he just doesn't listen to me. Anyway....the person came back to my son with "Because God made me just the way he wanted me. I am special cause I get to drive this everywhere and my feet don't get tired." Then the older man continued to ask my son, why he had freckles on his nose and when my son said he didn't know the man told him that God put those freckles there one at a time and told my son that he was special cause he had them."

Not only does my son not ask people questions like that anymore, cause he just says that is the way God made them, but whenever someone else asks him about his freckles he said that God put them there one at time, and that he was special cause he had them.

So that is my advice, I know that God is not "allowed" in so many places these days, and I know that you didn't want a religion lesson to give but I hope this answer can help you. It is simple and you or your daughters can say it, and go on your way. The best thing that you can do is teach your daughters right from wrong and tell them that no matter how hard you try, what color you are, there are always going to be rude, angry people who don't have manners.

Answer 10

I would suggest something simple like "because God made me that way," or "because my parents are too." If you want you can even ask them a question back like, "Why do you have freckles?"

Please don't assume that nobody is teaching these kids about diversity. They may not have made the connection between what they were told and the real people in their lives. When they ask you questions about yourself, they are showing interest in you and what they think makes you special.