Are wedding gifts passé?

Question

Do wedding gifts even make sense these days? People are getting married much older, and who doesn't already have what they need when they get married nowadays?

I could see how it made sense in the old days, when people got married at 20, had nothing, and all the guests were older than them. I could see how gifts were appropriate.

But nowadays, not so much. For example, we've been invited to a wedding where the bride and groom have way more than we do. A home, three cars, pets, HDTV, you name it. But yet they still have a registry. What could they possibly need that they don't already have? And why are people who have less, like me, expected to get them stuff I wouldn't even get myself? (ie, the stuff in their registry)

fizzystuff: No one is twisting my arm? Then what is the registry for? That's basically saying, "These are the things that we want, now go buy us something from this list." If gifts truly come from the heart, there is no need to HINT to your guests, "buy something from XYZ store." True?

Bubbles, no I'm not jealous, why would I be? It sounds like you and the people who gave you thumbs up are using WEDDINGS to justify getting FREE stuff. I thought Weddings are supposed to celebrate love, not materialism?

Oh my GOD...Hand-me-downs...oh the horror! Some of you girls can be so spoiled.

rachelsd2001: You had a good idea, get them something that celebrates them becoming a family -- but two people gave you thumbs down! What does that say about some of the others answering this question?

Anuradha: I thought they sent us invitations so we could celebrate this happy time with them? I don't give gifts because I got an invitation. Weddings are not a bartering center!

SE: Good for you. That was my point, and it makes sense, doesn't it?

Answer 1

I see you point and I agree. I do not have $80 dollar casserole dishes or $150 per place setting china, or $40 dollar goblets (a piece). In a registry for the wedding that I've just attended, they registered for a $250 gravy boat, and the gravy boat dish was over $100...come on...$350 for a gravy dish????? Gimme a break.

At all the 3 weddings that I attended this summer, have very few presents at the tables, the registries were not fully fullfilled and most of the presents were monetary.

If the idea behind a wedding present is obsolete, should the registry be obsolete as well? I personally hate buying from registries, buying towels or silverware for someone else and spend money in expensive wrapping paper. I've learned my lesson from buying from registries and I've been buying cards and attaching a check,. That's what people want anyway and is less hassle and no wrapping, shipping charges etc.

Good luck

Answer 2

No they aren't, and they still make total sense. A gift should always be given from the heart. If you don't want to give a gift, don't give one. Simple.
You don't need to buy from a registry; leave the option for those who do. For most mature couples getting married, they DO just want everyone to attend and celebrate with them - and any gifts they receive are graciously accepted.
When we got married, we didn't have a registry. We hosted 200 guests to a traditional church wedding and lovely reception, and our costs were high - but WE saved, we wanted that sort of celebration for our family and friends. Honestly, didn't give gifts a thought. People chose gifts for us in a full range of styles and costs - from a plastic planter to a handmade quilt, and everything in between.
I was 28 when we got married, and my husband 38. However, each of us was living rather spartan lifestyles, were working, lived each on our own, first marriage for each of us. So anything was welcome as a gift - even a simple coffeemaker for $10 was wonderful, because although I had one, it petered out after a year of marriage, and it was great to go into the storeroom and get one that was a wedding gift!
So gift giving IS in the eye of the beholder - how one chooses a gift from the heart or if you are seeing it as some sort of a financial contribution. We were lucky for our wedding that family and friends chose gifts which were special for us because they would be used and were welcome - a teapot, bath towels, a mirror, some ethnic ceramic pieces, etc.
We surely didn't get married for the gifts... we married for love.
(gileswench, your answer rocks!)

Answer 3

Jenny:
Settle down. I have read all the other answers and I don't think anyone addressed this issue. The issue being....."we've been invited to a wedding." Who invited you? Most wedding invites come from (1) family or (2) friends. Because they have more than you is neither here nor there. It is only common courtesy to bring a gift to a wedding. You can get creative, though, and not get them something on the list. Get them a nice bottle of wine and some chocolates - whatever. Get them something you can afford or just bring a card.

Answer 4

Well let's see... I am 22 my FH is 26. We've been together for 2 years so we basically already have everything, but we could use a few new things (ie new pots and pans, new silverware) Also I put some things on my list that I don't have the extra money for but I would like to have (new rugs, new shower curtain...) Maybe this is the case with them. Maybe they put stuff on their list that they wouldn't just go out and buy because it isn't something they really need, just something they want. You don't have to get them a present, but then again if you don't get them one they might think... that you're being stingy or something. (I can't say how they'd react because I don't know what kind of people they are) So here's what I did when my friend got married (because I didn't have the extra money really to get them anything on their list) I went and bought them a really nice picture frame for their wedding photo (15 bucks at World Market) And a bunch of little sample wine and champagne bottles that they could 'use' on their honeymoon.

Answer 5

Here is my opinion on the subject. If a couple has been living together for a few years and are basically established in either an apartment or a house, then I don't feel a typical wedding gift is appropriate. Most of the times there is the bridal shower, but again, if the bride and groom have been living together, I think the shower should be omitted because it is just basically them getting more than they already need or have. An appropriate wedding gift is monetary and it is given at the wedding. These days, people ask for very gradiose gifts, which is in very poor taste. I also believe that when it is a second marriage for both, there should be no bridal shower and the wedding should be very low key. But that's just me.

Answer 6

I think that's why the types of gifts have changed. Now people are registering for honeymoons, restaurant certificates or charity donations. They have the registry because of tradition and let's face it, everyone attending the wedding won't know the couple well enough to know their personal style, so a list helps them out.

We're older than your average American marrying couple (mid 30s) and even though our "registry" is small and something we created on our wedding website (we didn't want people to be forced to spend at a certain store), we have some traditional items because living the single life means you're living with crappy household items, and we have to upgrade to items that'll last forever.

Answer 7

A gift is an appropriate thing to give a wedding couple, and it is not charity, as your question seems to imply. I am an older bride living on my own for a long time, and I can assure you, I do not have everything. We're building a house this year, and I feel like we need everything! But...that's not really the point at all. The point is, there are certain modes of behavior which are appropriate and expected in our society, one of which is if you are a guest at a wedding, you bring a gift....you don't have to, but I feel it is improper to attend a wedding enptyhanded.

Answer 8

I think with the couples that are more established, I would just find a gift that celebrates their becoming a family, but necessarily something from their registry or cash. I have had a couple of those weddings to attend in the last few years and have given each of them a brass door knocker from things remembered, and had it engraved with their last name and "est. 2007" or what ever date they got married. These seem to have gone over well, and have been a gift that they wouldn't have registered for, but still celebrates the marriage.

Answer 9

My fiance & I are also in our 30's, have been living together for about 4yrs & just purchased a house (getting married next spring)

We are definately creating a registry ~ even though we do have basically everything we need, a lot of it is older or mismatched. We are starting a new life together ~ and look forward to furnishing our home w/stuff that we both selected.

It sounds silly, but I like the idea of looking at everyday stuff ~ toaster, towels, etc. and remembering that they were wedding presents ~ which, in turn brings up memories of a (hopefully!) happy wedding day.

Answer 10

You do not have to give anything. If that is why they are inviting you, then you shouldn't go anyway.

Personally, unless they are just starting out and actually need things, I do not buy off a registry. I usually get a large family bible. I make sure they have the family tree page and places for births, deaths and marriages. You can find these at book stores or christian outlets for as little as $50.00.

If I know they are not religous, I would find something else, of course.