my female roomate and I are having troble, can you help me?

Question

So when we first moved in togther we were chill, we went to movies and clubbing whith her freinds and mine and we talked and watched TV. Then we had sex it it was like my dream relationsip, a very attractive girl who would have sex wiht me but also go to a hockey game with me, no emotional baggagre. Well about 2 months later she set up a "romantic dinner" and ad like love songs playin in the backround. We ate dinner but then I got called to the hospital where I work and we were cut short. I know she wants to go farther than FWB

I guess myy question i, I kinda of like her mre tan a friend but i was realy happy with my old situation and Im not ready for a real relationship at this point in my ife. I cant move out but I dont know what do do!!

Answer 1

sorry honey, you're screwed either way...just like "sofa king" said.

although i don't agree with his statement about girls always screwing things up.
i've had my fair share of FWB and no feelings and i've also had "buddies" who go all gaga over me and i had to jump ship before i broke a heart.

anyway....
here's some food for thought....
you were screwing your roomate, right?
if you went out clubbing and met someone, would you take this girl back to your apartment???

if your answer is "yes", then you need to make your feelings clear to your roommate and let her be the one to choose whether to stay or go.

if your answer is "no", then sorry my friend, but you were in a relationship already..just didn't have all the cutesy girly crap like romantic dinners.

hope you catch my drift.

take care.

Answer 2

Well, if you were looking for no strings you should have set that up in the beginning of the relationship. It sounds like you played an equal part in starting this relationship and living togeather after you break her heart is not a good idea. You should have made sure you knew what you were getting into when you signed up for a roommate/lover. The best thing to do would be to talk to her and let her know how you are feeling. It may end badly but this is the mess you got yourself into. If you are not ready for a relationship then this girl deserves to know. You messed up big time, and you are going to have to face it sooner or later. Dont string this girl along you have done enough damage as it is.

Answer 3

Feelings can deffinately get in the way of a good friendship. I would keep an open chat with your roomate. Before she gets too into you and developes a romantic mind set towards you, I'd deffinately have a talk with her. Try telling her that you're not up for the whole attachment thing and was enjoying being friends and hanging out:)

If I were in her position, I'd want to know where you stand so I don't get attached or develop unwanted feelings. I'd want to be on the same level so I'd be able to better live together.

I hope things go well with however you handle it bud!

Answer 4

Aww yes the beloved roommate hook up. Ok so this is something that may be hard to get out of unscathed, or still have a place to live for that matter. When having a roommate hook up you need to understand the best policy is to not do it. Don't poop where you lay, comes to mind when thinking about it. It's impossible to have your cake and eat it to when you are doing it with someone you live with. It sounds to me that she wants to obviously make it into something more, but you do not. At this point I would do two things. First look for a new place to live. That is without a doubt the best idea in this situation. I know you hate to have to think about that, but I would find a place to land before you drop a bomb on her. Once you have secured a place, set a time line for when you are going to be out, by doing that you are not letting things just hang in the air, that will give her to much time to potentially do something nasty to you, and your stuff. Once you have done that let her know that you don't want a relationship with her, and because of that, this is the best idea for the both of you. Realize that you are running through a mine field right now, but the best way to survive it is to have a plan, you may get a leg blown off but you will still be alive. Hope this helps.

-Ty

Answer 5

Ah. The old having your cake and eating too temptation. You want the fun stuff of a relationship--hanging out, going out, and having sex--without the actual relationship. And it's just not going to happen. Nope. She'll find someone else to date and presumably sleep with and you'll hate it. He'll hate you live with her. Or it'll all happen the other way around. But the situation you described, the one you want to continue is not sustainable. No sensible woman should have a relationship with someone who repeatedly explains that it's not a relationship. It's not fair to ask that of her.

Suck it up. Be honest with her. Tell her how you feel. Be prepared to duck the flying china. She put herself out there, and you're rejecting her. It's not like things can go back to the way they were before her dinner or before you started having sex. But you can be fair to her. Stop having sex with her. Don't bring by floozies. Be respectful of her feelings and her space. Be her friend.

PS The FWB thing is always a mess. But with someone you're living with? Terrible idea. Next time don't even try.

Answer 6

So, you're saying you want to have her as a friend and a girlfriend too, but don't want to get into a serious relationship? Well, I would just keep her as a friend until you feel ready enough to have a serious relationship. It's not like she's going to change her habits if you are her boyfriend or friend. If she wanted to be in a relationship, she would of asked you. Tell her how you feel and that you're not ready for a relationship. Maybe she won't be too.

-Lilly

If you need any advice, email me at [e-mail].

Answer 7

The best approach is total, complete honesty. Sit down and have a discussion with her about everything, and express to her in detail how you are feeling.

If you both can agree to let the past go and just focus on the present and planning for the future without making things too serious, you may both relax and just let your lives flow as they should.

Good luck and I hope all goes well for you both.

Answer 8

Hindsite: you shouldn't have slept with her if you are not ready for the baggage that comes with it. I'm pretty old school when it comes to these things so you may not like that answer. Anyway, communication is the key to any relationship, friends or romantic partners. Just tell her how you truly feel and who's to say how she is feeling untill you talk. Best Wishes to you both!!

Answer 9

You moved in together and you had sex and all that, but you don't want a relationship??

Guess what-- you've already got a relationship.

When you moved in you sealed that, as far as she is concerned.

You have to set the rules, before you start the game, not in the middle.

Answer 10

You need to grow up and realize that this could have happened in the first place. Next time don't stick the rommate. Your only choices are she moves out, you move out, or you live unhappily together after you piss her off since dating here is not an option.