What do you do about an opposite sex friend of gf or bf?

Question

I'm not the jealous type. The short of it is this guy and my gf have been good friends since before I knew either one of them, though HE has been dating the same girl since before he knew my gf (all can be confusing, I know), so I never felt weird about it. Since meeting my gf, me and this guy have actually become pretty good friends, so I extended him the benefit of the doubt with regards to my gf, that they were '
"just friends". Look, I'm a guy. I know what a guy in a "just friends" situation might be thinking.

Anyways, yesterday he sent a couple of texts to my gf that I wish he hadn't (not about his eternal love for her or anything, but some stuff I didn't appreciate). I responded to one of them after she told me what he had said, but I still need to make it clear it better not keep happening. I have to rely on my words, I'm afraid, because he's probably got 80 pounds on me and he isn't fat.

What could I say, as a friend but also as a bf first?

Answer 1

"Look, I'm a guy. I know what a guy in a "just friends" situation might be thinking."

Your quote. No you don't know what he is thinking, you may knwo what YOU would be thinking in a situation like that though. The problem, if in fact the texts were innappropriate, is not your to handle, rather, your girlfriend should be the one drawing the line.

I have a female friend with whom I have been friends with for a long time, at this point in our lives, we always introduce each other to our prospective significant others. I have had one or two girlfriends that had some difficulty with it, and one that actually tried to orce me to choose between keeping a dear friend, and keeping her. Needless to say, I still have the dear friend....:)

What's that C&W song about fishing....?

"I'm gonna miss her.....when I get home......"

If you do feel the need to talk to him, do it in person, and do it respectfully. I can assure you that if their friendship has been around that long, it is there to stay. Unless you want to end up in competition with someone who has been around longer than you, than tread carefully.

Answer 2

Well, it kind of depends on what he texted to your girlfriend. But in general, he has no real business communicating with your girlfriend in a familiar fashion outside of your relationship with her. Now, if he had a specific purpose - a question to ask -- or couldn't get ahold of you and tried to reach her to do that, no worries. Typically, he should tell you about all communications -- like by texting you "Hey - I just txted your girlfriend asking her...." whatever.... that's just out of respect for you, even if the communications are innocent and even if he knew her for a long time.

So, what you have here is under the table communication by a male friend of your girlfriend to your girlfriend, and add to that the fact that they were of a nature/type that you did not find appropriate. You now MUST do something in order to command her respect and his respect; otherwise, you will be a doormat.

Here's what you do - you need to have 2 conversations in which you do not lose your nerve and focus on your goal: ending the communications that you don't know about.

Communication 1: With girlfriend - you tell her that you do not think texts like that, or any texts that you don't know about (any communications or "hanging out" for that matter) are appropriate, and you don't want her to interact with that guy like that. If she tries to dismiss your concerns, then say "I understand that you would not cheat or do anything wrong - I believe you - but I can't help having these feelings, and this is very important to me. I hope you will respect my feelings enough on this. All I am saying is that I don't want interaction that I'm not aware of. You can be friends - we can all hang out together, etc. But there's no reason for him to be calling you in general. If she loves you, she will accommodate you even if she thinks you are wrong.

Communication 2: The friend. Just have a frank discussion. Say to him that you saw these texts to your girlfriend. Tell him you know they are friends and have been for a long time, but at the same time she's your girlfriend now. As such he should respect that and keep his communications to your girlfriend appropriate and open (you should know about them). He should, as a friend of yours, respect that.