she keeps doing this. Coming over all the time unannounced, especially during our dinner time.I think my husband should tell her. Its his mother, and she doesn't listen to me she always cuts me off all the time to tell her stories or theories. I will be just ganged up on if I do it myself. She always chooses to say these things while my husband is out of town.
P.S. He gave his mom a key to our home so she could just barge in whenever she wants..should i change the locks?
my parents have a key but live 500 miles away, they always call and when I lived near them they never came over un announced we were not raised to be obtrusive and pushy people.
any help is appreciated..
2007-08-29 04:32:02 · 12 answers · asked by white gravy 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
thanks for the answers. here's a few responses
1. my parents have a key because they live 500 miles away and when they visit they sometimes come in at 2 or 3 am (Invited) they have a key to let themselves in as to not wake us up. Its agreed upon by myself and hubby.
2. I am not going to tell my mother in law anything because I have already done this. The problem is that she is a my way or the highway person and cuts me off at every opportunity to "speak her mind". She said and I quote "they say that a husband takes a wife and moves on from his mother...NOT ON MY WATCH..I gained a daughter." Well how awful she must treat her own daughter like she can't make one decision for herself. Sad really. Oh and do you just not ask your daughter to be in your child's wedding photo? because they did that to me when my husband and I were engaged. I was in none of my sister in laws photos. These people are *** HOLE S for lack of a better term. I think my husband and I need counseling to save US.
2007-08-29 08:03:21 · update #1
This sounds more like a husband problem than a mil problem. Your husband should be saying to her "Mom, this is my wife and I expect you to respect her by.......". Your husband is not taking your feelings seriously. I would not confront her about this, but you need to get your hubby by the balls and make him deal with it. He probably thinks he is keeping the peace by not talking to her and making her angry, but he is wrong. He is just creating a bigger problem because it has now become a riff between the two of you (I'm assuming because you seem angry that he gave her the key).
2007-08-29 07:15:30 · answer #1 · answered by I39 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to be on the same page on this one. That's the only way it will work. So sit down with him and talk this over. If he has no problem with his mother barging in then you're right, you'll probably need some serious counseling to make this work out.
However, if you both feel that it's not right for her to barge in unannounced and you both feel that talking to her hasn't helped then maybe this will. Pack an overnight bag and leave it in a closet by the door. Next time she barges in, say, oh, so sorry, we were just on our way out. Pick up the bag and leave. It may be a pain to stay in a hotel overnight when you weren't really planning to but eventually the lesson to call ahead should get through.
2007-08-29 20:55:37 · answer #2 · answered by Critter 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like he hasn't cut the apron strings. Yes its his responsibility to tell his mom to stop coming over unannounced. However, I don't think that's really what your problem is. I think you are trying to make him choose, and that's never a good thing to do.
Tell her, in advance of her next visit, that you would appreciate it if she would call before she comes over so that she can make sure you are not doing something private with your husband. Then when she shows up (and she will), respectfully tell her that you have asked her to call first and did she forget to? Don't get into drama with her, just point it out. Then call again and tell her the same thing, call first. The next time it happens, change the locks. However, your husband can still give her a key, so you are going to have to put your foot down. You know if you really were doing something private with him when his mom comes over, this whole problem would end very quickly.
2007-08-29 11:42:55 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
couple of options,
1. next time you see her coming down the drive way, take off your cloths and act as though you are wrong for being naked in your own house (make it look like you were just heading to the shower or something.) she'll understand she should call or knock first.
2 Start acting excited about her being there, stay right in the middle of her conversations and make it a chore for her to be there.
3. start making her do things when she gets there, make her help you finish dinner or grab things from the cabinet while you're eating. Don't get up from the dinner table and do not allow hubby or the kids to get up, carry on with your normal dinner time chat excluding her, make sure all the food is finished before you "play" with her, and then make her help do the dishes, she's start waiting until after dinner...
2007-08-29 11:58:35 · answer #4 · answered by jerry kaye 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is your husbands fault. He gave a key which she took as come right in any time. He did not say that in case of an emergency I am giving you a key. Change the locks and say you lost your key if she asks. I don't see any reason as to why you need to be the one to tell her as it is his mother and he created this problem. No matter what you say you will be wrong. Let him deal with his mom.
2007-08-29 12:37:29 · answer #5 · answered by Kat G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell her your self, that you would appreciate it if she call before coming over anymore. You will either make her mad or hurt her feelings, but, that's all you can do, or either let well enough alone. My brother and his new bride had this very same problem out of my mom. But when SIL did as I suggested, and mom got over being hurt and mad, they get alone great now. All is forgiven and mom calls before she comes.
2007-08-29 11:44:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should defiantly tell her something and she shouldn't have a key to your home. I would change the locks or get the key back. My mother doesn't even have a key to my house!
Good Luck!*
2007-08-29 13:13:18 · answer #7 · answered by He!d! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think u need to let your husband talk to his mom so that she won't take it as you don't like her coming there and that's it's you only feeling this way.....If you say something it should be to your husband not just her he needs to let his mom know she needs to call and see if yall are home or if yall have plans before she just shows up and comes into your house....don't change the locks though it shouldn't have to come to that yet
2007-08-29 11:39:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
umm, your married to him....he is married to you...your not married to his mother. why does she have a key to your house? why does your parents have a key to your house? it is rude to go to someones house unannounced. if your hubby wants mommy then maybe he needs to move back into her basement... if not then just explain to him that you are married and you dont like his mom coming over unannounced.
remember, that is his mom, and he is not going to like you insulting her to him....but you do need to explain your feelings. and if he cannot handle it, put your foot down. put him on the NO-Program and see what happens. but honestly, it sounds like a fight imbetween two dominant females for space. so assert your right to your space ...with your husband...in your house....in your life.....if his mom wants a baby, tell her your husband is too old.
2007-08-29 11:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
YOU don't say anything... let your husband/boyfriend so the talking... Would he do it to your parents... or he'll want you to tell them... think about it... why dont you just tell him to ask them nicely to call before they come over to be ready for them... i.e with "more food" ;)
2007-08-29 11:40:36 · answer #10 · answered by **mich** 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋