Do you thinks it's wise to tell your kids they were not planned?

Answer 1

Lol, I knew all my life that I was unplanned! My parents were going to try for a baby soon anyway, but I just happened to come along sooner than expected. I think it depends what you say. Telling them they were unplanned is one thing, saying they were unwanted is a different story!

EDIT: I have to add, I think a lot of people are taking this just a bit too seriously! My parents and I always laughed about it, it was just for fun, they used to tell me that I was always two steps ahead of them! I really think it depends more on what you say, and how you say it, than on actually telling them or not.

Answer 2

My kids know that they were not planned. Not being planned and being a mistake are two different things.........My son has been told what a difference he made in the way my life went, and that I would not change a thing.

Kids can do the math, being secretive about it makes them feel worse when they do actually figure it out, and now many parents don't get married for "that reason", so kids figure it out sooner! I had a friend in high school who figured it out when his parents were going through a very nasty divorce, he was devastated! Talk about some nasty guilt issues. I was pregnant at the time with my son, and that is when I decided that my son would know. I did marry my son's dad, and did divorce him, but my son never felt like I'd only gotten married because of him.

Answer 3

Well, I think this is more than a black & white question. If you just didn't plan on having kids at the time & you were in a committed relationship & told your kids that, I don't think it's really a big deal. Just tell them that God knew what was better for us than we did & now we are bleesed to have our beautiful little angel, you. If you & the father were drunk & partying & you got pregnant, you could probably do something along the same lines, just leave out the fact that mommy & daddy conceived you because they were messed up at the time. It probably wouldn't hurt to sugar coat certain parts of the story that they don't need to know about.

Edit: I completely disagree with some people saying that telling your kids you were not planned is like telling them you wish they were never born. I didn't plan the baby I'm pregnant with now but I'm happy, ecstatic & I don't have a problem with telling her that she happened before me & daddy planned. I love her with all my heart & I'm just as happy about her as I am about the daughter that I did plan.

Answer 4

Personally I think that if you choose to tell them, you should wait until they are adults. When I found out I was an "accident," I was about 12, and at first it seemed like it didn't phase me. But in fact it did. I went to therapy a couple of years ago for other issues, and the whole being an accident bit surfaced. Turns out it hurt me. I really doesn't do a child good to know about it, and it's irrelevant. What difference does it make after the child is born? If we look at the present moment, a new wonderful person is now a part of the family.

Answer 5

I don't see any good in doing that.

Also, the way you put it makes a big difference. My oldest son knows that he was not planned (he asked, when he heard me talking about how his younger brother was planned to someone else). To let a child believe getting pregnant with them was a "mistake", even if you don't feel that way now that they are here and you love them, puts a horrible spin on it. We told my son that we weren't expecting him, but he was a suprise (and in other situations, he knows the difference between a suprise -- a good thing like a party or a really good dessert or getting to have a new sticker book -- and a shock).

I wouldn't bring it up to them, though, unless they ask. And it is important to make sure they understand that even if they weren't planned, they are loved, and you wouldn't change things for the world.

Answer 6

Why would your kids need to know if they were planned or not? I see no reason to tell anyone if your kids were planned or not. I think in most cases it would make the child feel like they were unwanted, of course I think there are more unplanned babies than planned babies every year.

Answer 7

why would you do that? There weren't planned but you love them to death right? Don' do that to your kids. I also think that 95% of kids out there weren't planned, I don't see the point in making a kid feel like they aren't loved or wanted. I don't think it's wise.

Answer 8

Why on gods green earth would you ask a question like that ?
Think about what you are asking, then ask yourself this question. How would I have felt, if my parents had told me that as a child ?
I have 4 children and some were planned and some were not.
So does it make a difference ? NO .
( Connie Mom of 4 and 5th. grade teacher )

Answer 9

I'm not sure why this would come up, but my daughter did ask me if she was planned and could tell by her birthday and my wedding date that she was not planned. I told her that I did not plan any of my children that they were all gifts from God. She has not asked me anything like this since. She knows that I love her and wanted her from the moment I knew I was pregnant.

Answer 10

I like Roseanne's explaination. If you tell your kids that they weren't planned, don't say they were an accident. Tell them instead that they were a suprise. When they ask what the difference is, you say,
An accident is something that if you could do all over again, you wouldn't do it.
A suprise is something you weren't expecting and wouldn't give up for the world.