At 28 he's single and still lives with me and my wife! But, contrarily to what my question may suggest, he doesn't live at my expenses. He's a brilliant engineer, has an excellent job and contributes a lot to our expenses, actually more than I do, to be honest. But I'd like privacy with my wife, now that our 2 kids are grown up and don't need us anymore. He's a good boy, but we never got along, his ideas are different from mine, sometimes he makes me mad, he doesn't do as I tell him He lives with us becaus my wife gets along with him and though his professional success he didn't feel the need to leave home, he doesn't think it's degrading. Once I suggested he should move out, he just said "OK, if you want I can leave tomorrow, I'll spend some days in an hotel until I'm settled. I must say you, of course, won't count on my contribution any more". So, I backed off. What can I do?
2007-08-29 04:15:19 · 12 answers · asked by Liza 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
What a weird situation. Do you want his continued financial contribution to your household? If you do, than you'll have to put up with his way of life in your house. It may be your house, but he's 28 years old. You can't tell him to do anything.
This seems like a no brainer to me. Tell him he has one month to leave your house. He has the money to find a place of his own.
2007-08-29 04:23:30 · answer #1 · answered by toromos 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok your the dad and the one that 28 years old is your son. He earns enough money where he can move out but he contributes a lot. You want your cake and want to eat it too. This is your son, you must not be too close to him if he still lives with you. Just sit down with your wife & your son and talk to him about getting his own place it's time for him to move on, and he can stay with you till he finds a new place. Remember your the dad. He's still the son. Communicate more with your son.
2007-08-29 12:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by jennajade 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son is afraid. And he said that to disarm you. And it worked.
You are the only one who can decide if you need his money or not. Why did you back off? He used money as a leverage and you backed off. Was it the money he gives you or was it that your wife will get mad at you?
If you need his money, then you are going to be stuck with him. You can't expect a grown man, that you have allowed to dominate you, to do anything you want. He obviously has no respect for you.
If you don't need his money, then tell him he has 30days to move and then bring in some boxes to get him started. If he stays in a hotel, then that's on him not on you.
2007-08-29 11:26:47 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him its time to leave! But however, you cant have your cake and eat it too, tats just down right wrong. If your son is paying for alot of the bills he has every right to not agree with you, and he ahs every right to go and come as he pleases...IN YOUR HOME! What you have done is allowed your son to by a ticket in your house as the second "man in charged". He is the main breadwinner, and doesnt have to agree with or even like you one bit. He is comfortable and will not budge, shoot who would. If you want to take back your home, tell him he needs to get out! Give him a deadline and stick to it. This also means, that you need to be put in check as well, you will have to cover the bills that he has been carrying. Are you ready to be the man of the house that you claim to be? If so get off your but and pay your own bills. If not, he has every right to stay their until hes damn near thirty chillin! He has the right to not agree with you and even argue with you, because hes being more of a man than you are in your own home by supplying the bills. If you are ready to truely have your house back, then you should be ready to pay the bills too...no half steppin this. Its either that, or make room for the "permanant" second man of the house....if your not already; SECOND!
2007-08-29 11:44:45 · answer #4 · answered by JASMINE T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is likely that your relationship would be better if he were living elsewhere and you had a little distance with him. There maybe wouldn't be the tension between you the way it is now. Has your wife ever talked to him about leaving? He might be less angry about it hearing it from her. He sounds like a mamma's boy. Not the best husband material, by the way.
2007-08-29 14:24:45 · answer #5 · answered by I39 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you want to make him leave home, but the minute he agreed to do it, but informed you he wouldn't give you any more money, you backed off. I don't think the problem is with your son. Sounds to me like YOU are the one who needs to grow up.
It appears to me that you are dependent on your son for finances. If this is the case and all you want is privacy, go to a hotel. If you truly want him out of the house - you have to realize that his money is HIS money - and you have no right to it if he is not in your home.
2007-08-29 13:38:34 · answer #6 · answered by Mama's on the half tip 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son is getting along with your wife but not with you. First, you guys should maybe have a better relationship. Because it sounds like you want to get rid of him just because he doesn't follow your ideas. The way you tell him to leave is maybe not good. Tell him that you want him to start his own life...like getting a wife too and have children. Parents won't be alive forever. He has a pretty good job and he can buy a bigger house for himself. Parents usually want to see their children succeed. To get rid of him because you don't get along and because you want him to pay your bills...this sounds selfish...did you try discusing this with your wife?
2007-08-29 11:27:54 · answer #7 · answered by LadyXSakura 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go to a motel with your wife. Sounds as if your selfish. You want his money, not him. That's what you said in your question, when you backed off.
2007-08-29 11:23:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's this simple: Which is more important? the money your son contributes or having him gone?
2007-08-29 11:33:19 · answer #9 · answered by lfh1213 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he is a grown man and it is time for him to go out on his own.
2007-08-29 11:22:30 · answer #10 · answered by EmmaNicole 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋