Last night me and my LT boyfriend got in the worst fight we've ever had. We've been together for years. He said a lot of hurtful things and called me some pretty horrible names. I slept on it, and the next day I e-mailed him about how badly that hurt my feelings and asked him how he could say what he did to a person who he "loves so much."
He said sorry, of course. But I am still hurt by the names he called me and I know I can't ever forget it. How can I save this relationship...and should I even try to?
2007-08-29 03:55:48 · 30 answers · asked by Judy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Also, this is the first time he's ever said those types of things to me. I don't want to repeat them because they were so bad.
2007-08-29 03:56:25 · update #1
Well, speaking from experience, you never forget those words. You have to find it within yourself to see if this relationship is worth saving & can move past this first incident and hope that it will not repeat itself..Or was it too bad to the point, where you feel you two need to take a break. The thing is, words spoken can never be forgotten and regardless & sometimes when very angry, people often say things they do not mean.
If this is not like him & this was the worst argument you guys have had, he could have said those things out of anger. It doesn't justify the action but if he's apologized and this in not his character, it's up to you to figure out if it's worth saving. You may need to take a few days to sort through that. It seems that you may need to take whatever time you need to sort through this & really think about it. Don't let others dictate what you should do..Soul search..
2007-08-29 04:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by Unique Soul 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
As a very wise talk show personality once said: "When someone shows you who he/she is, believe them!" You may not have seen this side of him before last night but obviously, it was there all along. This is the point where you evaluate your future in this relationship and act upon your decision. I do not personally believe in tolerating any form of abuse and from what you state, he definitely engaged in some serious verbal and psychological abuse (which can hurt as much as physical, if not more in some instances). My advice is to have him seek some type of counseling so that he can learn how to handle his anger in a mature, respectful and constructive fashion. This would not be an option. He would do it or he would move on without me. And he would be a changed person ( if he knows what's good for him !) by the end of his treatment.Good luck and I hope that your hurt feelings and memories subside soon.
2007-08-29 11:14:50 · answer #2 · answered by Sands 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been together for years as you say, I would wonder why he is doing this NOW. Of course you should try talking to him. Don't just throw away a long-term relationship because he said some things in the heat of anger. I'm sure you probably said some not-so-nice things to him too during this fight, right? You need to sit down and talk this through like adults. Slinging swear-words at each other will never solve anyone's problems.
2007-08-29 11:06:57 · answer #3 · answered by Jinxyblue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when people fight they say things they don't mean in the heat of the moment. We have all done it. So I can understand that you are hurt, and it will be awhile before you forget. So what I suggest you do is tell him very seriously that what he said really hurt you. And that if you fight again, and he says that, then you may break up with him. But what you need to do is let him make this up to you. Let him show you that he loves you, and if he really does he will do everything he can to make it up to you. Realize that we all make mistakes and say stupid stuff that we regret, but it's how you deal with those stupid comments that really matters. Again it's your choice to keep him or dump him, but remember he is human. Hope this helps.
-Ty
2007-08-29 11:13:32 · answer #4 · answered by Tyler C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are times that a person just looses it and say words that he might regret after saying, I'm sure all human beings have experienced this and all of us have said thing that we do not really mean. Relationships is about forgiveness. And about saving the relationship? You are the only one who can decide on that, and if you believe in God try asking him for a sign.
2007-08-29 11:08:18 · answer #5 · answered by sheephunter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this is not your first fite. Relationships are complicated. I put up with a lot from my bf, then married him. Kind of regret it now. Wish I had told him to shove it and moved on. If you're still only dating, not living together, not married and it's this bad, it will never be better. Believe me, this is the best it's ever gonna be. Think about it.
2007-08-29 11:08:17 · answer #6 · answered by piratefancarrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every one says things they do not mean when they are upset. If you think about it I am sure you yourself have said things that you really didn't think about the other person just to rile them. It is a flaw of being human. If he apologized then I would forgive him. Work on communication skills to combat the heat of anger. A well planned strategy for arguing can make all the difference in not losing control of your tongue.
There are several couples therapists that have articles out there on couples communication.
2007-08-29 11:04:46 · answer #7 · answered by mstrs servnt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to know what to say about this without knowing the background of the situation, the reason for the fight, exactly what he said, and what you said to him.
Sometimes people say things they don't mean when they fight. However, I have zero tolerance for verbal abuse, so if I were you, I'd dump him.
Only you can decide what works for you, but assuming that he was the only one hurling the insults, you could give him an ultimatum - one more attack like that and you'll leave him. And stick to it.
2007-08-29 11:03:34 · answer #8 · answered by july2007bride 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when we are angry we say things we don't mean. It does not excuse what was said, but anger gets the best of us. Tell your man point blank that you will not tolerate the name calling, because there will more then likely be a future arguement. Explain to him that when you argue name calling is not nessceary and that it hurts your feelings and questions his feelings for you. Tell him you don't even want to discuss the issue unless he can act like an adult.
2007-08-29 11:05:40 · answer #9 · answered by tonya l 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You fight right back and say some of your own mean and nasty things and see how he likes it and he will probably shut right up. I wouldn't even let him know he hurt your feelings, that is obviously what he was aiming at. dont be a weak girly girl show him that you are strong and he cant get to you and tell him how much of an idiot he sounded like and hopefully it wont do it again. you do know you hurt the ones you love the most.
2007-08-29 11:07:24 · answer #10 · answered by msg 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋