My Mil is spoing my 2 yr old girl not respecting my wishes at all!!?

Question

every Sat my Mil watches my daughter while i am working. I have asked her over again to not give her her soother unless going to bed..not give her all of the icecream etc etc...my Husband is no help at alland i am at my wits end what do i do

Answer 1

My suggestion would be tell her how you feel. Say i'm the parent and these are my rules and if you can't follow them i will find another sitter, and do just that. Find someone who will take care of your child like you ask

Answer 2

Grandparents are "supposed" to spoil their grand kids, but since your MIL watches your daughter every week, you should be able to set a few boundaries. At two, she doesn't need a soother (you mean a pacifier, right?). Break the habit and problem solved. As for ice cream, how do you know how much she is getting? She'll survive some indulgences from Grandma but she shouldn't have more than a scoop in a day.

Answer 3

I was once in the same boat as you what I did was talk to my hubby and then when he would see what I was talking about but still would not do a thing I went to her and explain what my problem was and that I was the parent and would appreciate if she would follow my wishes and I also explained that I know we where two different mothers with two different parenting styles but there was just some things that I can not agree with and would appreciate if she would follow my believing but do not nit pick cuz I promise if you do that you will be fighting a up ward battle. Communication with the mil alot farther then talking to your hubby. If that don't work find a new sitter and explain to your mil why you are doing so. Just remember talk to her you are the mother of her grandchild and most grandmothers will do anything to still spend time with their grandchild

Answer 4

First of all, your MIL is doing you a favor by babysitting. You could relax the no ice cream rule a little bit. I do agree that spoiling children isn't the best idea, but it's grandma.

Second, maybe you could pick up some sherbet or frozen yogurt ( you can say your little one picked it out!) and bring that with you on Saturdays.

Oh, and what's a soother? Like a binkie? or blanket? It wasn't clear.
But if it is something that soothes her, she may need it at grandma's house, because she is away from mom and dad.
If you don't want her to have it, don't bring it.

Be more lenient with grandma, she is doing her best, it's just ice cream. It could be worse.

Answer 5

Take a deep breath - and do nothing at all....

Grandma's have a special privilege..unless they are harming your child, neglecting your child or have them in an unsafe environment (pills laying around, stairs with no baby gates....etc) just let it go, let them be close, its a right of passage, someday you will be the one feeding too much ice cream to your grand baby and will wonder why your daughter in law sis making such a fuss over it...

Let them bond, let them get away with it at grandma's just be sure that you explain to your child (around age 2-3 and up) that the rules might be different at grandma's house but when they are home the rules are the rules and they must follow them accordingly

I know that is hard to accept as a parent but having your children be close with their grandparents is an amazing bond - dont break it over a soother and some ice-cream!


Good luck

Answer 6

Try to negotiate with her. Maybe pick up some sugar free ice cream or sweets, and have her give those to your daughter instead. At 2 she should be close to getting rid of a soother anyways, so just dont send it with her, or if she comes to you, put it in a closet or somethin. My mil is out of control, too...but i gave up trying to change her about 3 yrs ago...as long as whats shes doing doesnt put my kiddo in danger, i let it go.

Answer 7

Have you ever considered her end of it? She has a grandbaby she's longed for and loves and wants to enjoy as much as possible in this wonderful time of her life and baby's life. Plus, not being mom with a two year old is hard. Sometimes ice cream and soothers are better than tantrums.

I dont agree that she should just do whatever she wants despite your wishes, and you need to tell her that. But I also dont agree with you freaking out about ONE DAY A WEEK. Its ONE DAY, not every hour of the childs day, but 8 hours.

She's offering you free child care, and the chance for your daughter to have a realtionship with her extended family, which is very important for her development and confidence as a person.

You need to talk to her like a human being, and let her know how much it bothers you, and why. She may not appreciate that giving her icecream on satudays means that her sleep schedule is screwed up for the rest of the week. You need to sit her down and let her know, "mom, this stuff is really driving me nuts. I want to be here and keep the same routine with my daughter because its what i know is best for her, but I cant, and it really hurts me when you dont try to do the same"

If worse comes to worse, pay for a sitter.

Answer 8

Grandmas do that. Your kid is not suffering. It is frustrating that your rules are not being followed but her relationship with her granny is more important than your need to have control. Your daughter will be fine and will grow up and remember her grandma and their special times.

I made it through childhood just fine and some of my fondest memories are the times I spent with my grandma at the beauty shop (and yes, my mom had a fit) but I had a blast. There are more important things than a little too much icecream to worry about.

Answer 9

Unfortunately all you can do is talk to her. She's the grandmother. It's basically her God-given right to spoil her grandchildren. I don't know about ice cream all day long, but I don't really have a problem with my parents or my grand parents spoiling Brendan. I make sure he knows that when he gets home it's back to business. No junk food...lots of veggies...limits on everything. It's actually a good way to establish your role as her parent. She'll understand that things can be fun and fancy free at Grandmas, but when she gets home YOU'RE the boss. No questions.

Answer 10

Yeah, it's your child, not hers. Tell her that if she can't respect your wishes, you will find a new babysitter and not let the her see the child. She might listen to you, or she might just blow you off thinking you are not serious. If this happens, follow through, don't make it an empty threat. Call a new babysitter and tell the mother-in-law that her services are no longer needed.

Answer 11

Don't keep ice cream in the house.
Lock the soother away and don't give her the key. Take away all access to thinks you don't want your daughter to have.