Does it really matter what age you marry at?

Question

If you and your partner are in love and think that you are mature enough and time to take the next step does it matter that your only 15, 16, or 17?

I am 18 and my boyfriend is ready to have kids and get married but I am truly afarid of what adult might think about me.

My Bf is 24.
My mother was 15 when and my father had their first child he was 20. They had 2 more children THEN got married at when she was 21. Now they are married for 26 years.

How about we just live together for a while then and see how it works out.
He really thinks that we should do something to be together because my family or his family does not allow us to spend time together the way he and I want to. We were together for 3 years and had sex 6 times (its not about sex) and we see each other 1 a month for about 2 hours, and I loved him so much that I don't want to lose him.

I currently have 2 jobs. One is temporary and the other is part time. I have been working this way for 3 years so I would describe my self as independent

Answer 1

ok, i got married at 21 and am now 26. we are very happy. here are some things to consider.

1) are you two able to COMPLETELY financially support yourselves? if not, then the age doesn't matter. you're not ready. marriage means not depending on mommy & daddy for anything. (rent, bills, car and health insurance)

2) are you marrying him to keep him? if he genuinely loves you, he will wait for you to be sure and ready. if he threatens leaving, then he's playing dirty and he won't be a good spouse anyway.

3) how will marriage effect your goals? will you still be able to pay for college? do you have similar backgrounds, morals, values, and religions?

4) will you feel that you are missing out? your peers will be going out and dancing and having fun. you will be with your husband or working to pay those bills.

5) couples who live together before marriage are 50% more likely to divorce than those who don't live together before marriage.

6) young marriages are 64% more likely to divorce than couples who wait for marriage.

7) what is the hurry? are you trying to prove you're mature? are you trying to get away from mom and dad's rules?

8) how will having disapproving parents and in-laws effect the marriage? can you handle the stress?

google these terms:
teen marriage + divorce
cohabitation before marriage + divorce

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Answer 2

The older you are, the less time you have to put up with each other. At your age, I wouldn't have much hope of your marriage lasting. If your bf is around the same age, it's highly likely that as soon as you have your first baby, he will be out sowing his oats. Your parents might advise that you are a bit young yet, for this commitment. Listen to their advice as they know you better than others. Remember, a marriage is supposed to be a life time of commitment to each other. At your ages, you are still feeling your way in the world. You don't know what you really want for the future, yet. I think you should tell him that you are not ready for children yet and that you'll get engaged next year. If you are still together next year, tell him that you will consider marriage when you are 21. Don't think about children for a while yet as he may it's great now but once a child arrives and he gets no sleep and has to look after you as well, there's a good chance he'll dump you and the child. It appears that he is younger than you? If that's the case, what is his real motive? Is he looking for a way to leave home? Does he want to try to prove something to others? Is it because you haven't had sex with him yet? Whatever his reason, make sure that you are positive that it is the real thing and that both of you are making such big decisions for the right reasons. I can't say anything else apart from advising you to have a chat with your mother as I'm sure you don't want to be a 19 year old, on your own, with a baby and many youths harassing you because they believe a single mum is an easy lay.

Answer 3

Listen, if your parents had kids as teenagers and they don't want you getting serious with this guy, it's because they know how hard it is and they want your life to be easier. Being married and having kids in today's world is HARD without a good paying job. Think about: you're only 18. At your age you can go to college to figure out want you want in life or live in France for a couple of years. You have the whole world at your feet, and if you were married, you have bills and less opportunity to travel, especially if you have kids.

I lot of my friends married young, and because of that a lot of them haven't changed over the years, which is strange because I feel that people should be constantly growing and learning more about themselves as people all the time. So as they were getting boring I moved to New York on my own and had a blast! I couldn't have done that if I was married, because every decision effects the both of you. Now, I'm older, getting married to the most incredible guy ever and I don't regret anything, and isn't that what life's about - having no regrets?

Also, as you get older, you'll be surprised of how much your opinions change. You love this guy know, but you only see each other once a month. You might hate him once you spend every waking hour together. It might happen, it might not, but be open to that possibly.

Good luck and focus on what you want out of life right now. This is the time to be selfish.

Answer 4

EVERY teenager thinks they're mature enough to do what ever they want at 15, 16, and 17. I thought that way, my friends thought that way, and future generations of teens will think that way too. Unfortunately, we learn about the time that we get into our 20s that this is NOT the case. I've changed DRASTICALLY since I was 15 (I'm now 21). I still have some changes to go through. I know I'm never going to be as mature or responsible as the world would like, but I do have a little more to learn before I settle down. Kids today are in way too much of a hurry and there are more excuses than ever as to why they all want to settle so fast. They all need to hold their horses and at least wait until a few years into college before talking about such things.

Answer 5

You may be the most mature 18 year old on Earth, but you'll be surprised at how much more you'll change and grow over the next five years or so. The human brain isn't fully developed until about age 25! If you're truly in love, marriage and kids will wait, but if either or both of you changes your mind by the time you're 23 or so, then you'll know you made the right choice. Marriage and children are a HUGE lifelong commitment. There is no rush to make it. Spend the next five years getting an education or building job skills, saving some money to begin your family's future on firm footing, prepare for the future.

Answer 6

The reason not to get married right now is not what someone else may think. With divorce statistics what they are, I'd say why not work on your education and career a bit before rushing into marriage? 18 is very young to get married, let alone have children and the world is not what is was when your parents and grandparents got married. Housing prices being what they are, even if things go down 20% the likelihood of you and your intended being able to afford a decent home for your future children on the type of job that you may currently have may be slim. Work on yourselves first, then get married when you know for certain that you're ready.

good luck!

Answer 7

I would have to say don't rush it. Take your time. Starting a family and a new life is not an easy task. I've only been married for 9 months and am 26. It takes a lot of time to get situated at first and careful planning. People think they can just jump right into having kids and getting married, but that's not how it works. Those who do that get a huge surprise and a swift kick in the pants (speaking from experience from watching my friend who got married at 20 and has a kid but doesn't have enough to support a family because he didn't plan ahead and save for the future). It can be scary and difficult the first year. Besides your young. Take advantage of your youth and wait until you're in your 20's to start a family. Do what you want to do and have fun with life because when you have kids (husband included : ) ) you won't have time to do the things you want to do or any time for yourself.

Answer 8

If you are afraid of what an "adult" will think of you, you are not mature enough.

It does matter because at 15, 16 and 17 (and even older) most people are not emotionally or financially stable enough for marriage.

So your boyfriend wants to get married and have kids. Okay. Who is paying for the wedding? (You are both adults so don't assume your parents are obligated to help you, they're not)Are you planning on going to college? Do you both have jobs? Can you both afford rent/mortgage, car payments, insurance, food, eletric bill, cable? If you have a child will you be able to afford daycare? Can you handle the work it takes to raise a child?

Edit: Unless it is extremely well paying, you cannot support yourself and possible children on a part time job!

Answer 9

Statistically speaking, the younger a couple is when they get married, the higher their chances of divorce.

While what other people think shouldn't be the main consideration in getting married, you might want to consider WHY people would think negatively of that situation. With as high as the divorce rates are these days, they might have valid concerns about you marrying so early, before you've had a chance to experience life. Will you be able to support yourselves? Will getting married young and having children keep you from going to college? Are you ready for the responsibilities of being a wife and mother?

And if people saying negative things is going to bother you, I've gotta warn you, they WILL say negative things. A good friend of my husband's (who is 25) just married a girl who was 19, and she's widely referred to as "the child bride" (and it's not said as a positive thing.)

Give it time. If he's really "the one," he'll stick around until you've had time to do some more growing up, get an education, etc. If he's not the one, you'll be glad to find that out before you married him, rather than after.

Answer 10

Yes, it really does matter - and DON'T shack up.
The guy I thought seriously about marrying when I was 19, was definitely NOT the right guy. Neither was the one I was discussing marriage with at 24. HOWEVER, the right man was the one I married at 28!!
You are still a teenager, and you have yet to become a woman. One just goes through SO MANY changes through to the mid-20s. You need to get some post-secondary education, get out into the real world with a real job and live independently, paying your own rent and bills. You need to become your OWN woman first, then you can offer your best self to your future husband and family.
Yes, it does really matter. A teenager thinks he or she is mature enough for anything and everything.

Answer 11

I was taught from a young age by my mother that before I considered marriage I needed to get myslef together. I should have a college education, be able to support myself, experience some of the world (studied in Germany), and know I am getting married not to just get married but that it was what I really wanted to do.

If you are afraid of what people may think you are most likely not ready.

I did get married young, at 21, and that is not an age that everyone should consider getting married. My mother didn't get married till she was 29. The world is not going to fall apart if you get married early or late but how your life comes out can change.

When you get married is really a personal choice. I would consult with other people in your life that know you well and you trust.

You need to evaluate yourself and listen to others opinons that you trust. Don't rush into marriage, especially if you are doubting. Make sure you are educated, have yourself together and are not getting married just to get married. Marriage is a huge step and a lot of work. Once you are commited to a marriage your choices are limited and you must make choices for both of you not just yourself.