Should I pay my sons junior college tuition or should he pay it?

Question

He is a good kid. He was 19 when he graduated high school. He was a B student and wasnt really into sports or academics, so we just rolled with the flow.
He finally decided to go to college in building and construction. He did really well in building and trades and actually took 4 yrs of it in high school. He got awards and did work on the side for his teacher at his house.
Now he works full time at a department store and lives on his own with a girl. I think if I did not pay his tuition, he just would not go to college because he could not afford it, so I write the checks and off he goes to school 3 nites a week.
I never see a report card or any grade reports, but I assume he is doing good.
Should I pay his tuition or make him do it on his own?

Answer 1

You should help him out somehow financially. Make sure that he is doing well in school.*

Answer 2

I think it really depends on the individual, but I would say it is not all that difficult to work full-time and go to school. I personally just graduated from San Diego State University and had full-time employment the whole time I attended classes there. I was able to take a full class load, work full time, and manage to maintain a 3.7 GPA all at the same time. I feel that if I can do it, just about anyone could do it. And just to be clear, I had absolutely no help from my parents. Not because they didn't want to, but I didn't really need it. And living in San Diego is not cheap, so money did get tight quite often, but it was definitely not impossible.

I saw many other students who were just going to school and not working while their parents paid the bills. Oddly enough, many of these individuals were rather poor students and would often end up dropping classes becasue they fell too far behind. Of course there were plenty of students whose parents paid the bills and were top performers, so there are no absolutes here. However, I can't think of one person I knew that was putting themself through school that didn't always show up to class, do the work, and get the needed grades to pass.

What I think it boils down to is how bad the person wants to go to college and earn the degree. There are so many people who are just going because they don't know what else to do. Simply knowing what you want to do after college is a step in the right direction.

So, take a look at your son and ask yourself how bad he wants to do this. If he wants it enough, he will find a way to make it happen. He will also gain a great sense of responsibility, as well as a great deal of self-respect from doing this on his own. If you don't feel that he could/would do it on his own, then you really have to make a judgement call.

One thing I learned from my experience of putting my self through college is that sometimes the best help you can get, is no help at all. That may not hold true for everyone, but I think in this context it would apply to the majority. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you and your son the best of luck.

Answer 3

Dear Happy, Very interesting question. Let him grow up and do what he wants. He is over 19 and he is also playing house with the GF... The money is coming from some place and their should be enough for advanced schooling... Since, he fails to produce results--- he should provide success on his own so mom can beam with delight --- I would not write any more checks. He has cut you off as a family member.. Happens all the time.... Until the relationship breaks up and he needs to move home---no way.. Department store??? I thought you wrote building and construction??? What happen to the trades employment???

Answer 4

I think it's wonderful that he has a supportive parent like you. I hope that he is in some way showing his appreciation for what you're doing.

Personally, the best thing my mother did for me was to let me handle my own financial dealings. We couldn't afford my college tuition, so I took out federal loans in my own name, and now I'm paying them back every month. It has taught me how to be responsible with my money and how to organize my budget.

I would suggest telling your son to try to get a federal loan on his own. Here's what he needs to do:

1) Fill out the FAFSA. This will determine if he's eligible for financial aid. Go here:
http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/

2) Once he's eligible for aid, choose a government-based student loan. The best loan to get is a Federal Perkins Loan. These have low interest rates and the government will help you pay it back as long as you stay enrolled in school. He also won't need a cosigner or good credit for it. For more info go here:
http://www.studentfinancedomain.com/student_loans/perkins_student_loans.aspx

3) The next best loan to get is a Subsidized Stafford Loan. This has many of the same benefits as a Perkins Loan. Learn more here:
http://www.studentfinancedomain.com/student_loans/subsidized_stafford_loan.aspx

4) You can help him a bit by getting a Parent PLUS loan. You can learn more here:
http://www.studentfinancedomain.com/student_loans/federal_plus_loans.aspx

He can also try to apply for grants or scholarships. These are free sources of money that neither you nor him will have to pay back. You can read about them here:
http://www.studentfinancedomain.com/financial_aid/college_scholarship.aspx

Here are some sites he can check out:
http://www.fedmoney.org/
http://www.findtuition.com/scholarships/
http://apps.collegeboard.com/cbsearch_ss/welcome.jsp
http://www.freegovmoney.net/
http://www.educationplanner.com/education_planner/paying_article.asp?sponsor=2859&articleName=Grants_and_Scholarships
http://www.studentawards.com/
http://www.college-scholarships.com/

I wish you the best!

Answer 5

Every parent should expect their child to get the best education possible, I he wants to go to college, you should pay the tuition. Especially if he is focused. On the flip side he can keep a minimum wage Job and live off of you until he is 30+, you may end up paying in the long run anyway and he still will not know how to fish.

Answer 6

He is a hardworking intelligent boy and has been doing well. You should help him financially, but I think he should show you his grades report card etc to keep you informed of his progress, especially since you are paying his fees. Talk to him about it and Im sure he will oblige. Staying on his own, having a girl friend and working parttime is a good thing , and at his age its the done thing. There is nothing wrong with that. But he needs your financial help to get him through. Please be kind to him he is a lovely boy and very intelligent I gather.

Answer 7

If I were you, I'd stop paying his tuition and have him apply for financial aid. If you haven't seen as much as a report card and you've been paying his tuition and he's living with a girlfriend; chances are, the money's going towards something else he may feel is of more importance.

Answer 8

It's a great investment in to make in anyones' life, the rewards far outweigh any risk. What more could you ask for? That's incredible considering the time it takes to study and commute. Ambitious young man. I have one who works fulltime (because he didn't want any help from anyone) and hasn't realized no matter how great he is at work, it'll never get him anywhere w/o a degree (4yr.). Ask for grades if u want them. He wouldn't be attending continuously if he wasn't making progress. Colleges still kick out people who don't make progress.

Answer 9

If you have the money and feel generous, go ahead and continue to pay for it.
But it sounds like you want something in return for educating him, and you can't get anything back on something like this. If this money in any way makes you feel resentful, then I would speak to him and tell him you must stop paying his tuition.
It's okay to worry about your own future too.

Answer 10

I believe that a person should pay for at least part of their college education. Parents are not obligated or required to do so. Since you are paying for it you have the right to see his grades and if he's not getting good grades then definately make him pay for it.

Answer 11

apply for scholarships. i got 3 and i had a 3.5 in highschool and a 4.0 at community college. now im at the university of texas and just got another 2,000 just for having a high gpa. fill out the FAFSA and click the box that says he wants to apply for the academic competitiveness grant. there are scholarships thru coca cola, maybe your job or spouses (or and uncles or something). there are some you can get through the state. apply for grants. do it asap! he will surely get something. if u are disabled, there are scholarships available for kids who have disabled parents, parents that served in the military. im not paying a penny out of my pocket because i applied for stuff. just do it asap because it takes a while for all that to come thru. just be sure to fill out the FAFSA..it is crucial.