I am feeling pretty down and have for awhile. I need some insight. Abandoned and abused. Pls read?

Question

Okay I will try not to make this long. My mother abandoned my brother and sister and I when I was 7, brother 4 and sister 2 1/2 years old. My sister is epileptic. She abandoned us in a apartment for a week with no food. When the weekend arrived my father showed up to pick up (visitation). We were told not to open the door for no one. We survived off cold hot dogs, no gas to cook just an electric skillet. We had kool-aid to drink with little sugar. Long story short, my little sister drank finger-nail polish remover and started having a seizure. During that time 911 was not available, you would have to dial 0 and speak with an operator. Long story short, I learned how to help my sister when she would have a seizure. Okay now, my father shows up, we would not open the door so he called the police. I later remember sitting at this office were social workers were questioning us. We later ended up with our dad and his girlfriend with whom we hated. They later married and were

abandoned. Mom left us for a man, and dad had a new wife and was too busy entertaining her, if you know what I mean. During this I was raped by the new wife's step dad for almost 4 years. My brother and sister weere physically and emotionally abused by the step mom's family and so was I. At the age of 11 we moved to Austin from Lubbock. The abuse worsened and we were dumped on my grandparents. For 30 years my mother have yet to call her children on birthday's etc. My brother and I both have 3 kids and she doesn't acknowledge her grandchildren. She does have a daughter who is turning 24 after my birthday and she hates us too. However, she doesn't have a clue what her mother did to us. Clothes pins on our tongues, slapping us in the face.... and I have bruised ribs because she knocked me down a flight of stairs at the age of 6.

For 30 years I only had one birthday party at the age of 19 and that is because I moved to NY, and I was homesick. My mother in law God bless her threw me a surprise party. To this day my little sister hates us and is so unaware what a monster her mom is. I hurt so much. My birthday is in a few days and I have always became emotionally depressed instead of happy. It is because of the pain reminds me how sad my life has been. I have a sister who died and to this day I have no idea what happened. No one talks about it. How could a mother be so cold.

I know this is long, and I am sorry, but I could right a book. I wrote a poem about abandonment a few years ago. I know everyone bashes deadbeat dads.... but my mother really takes the cake.

I am simply asking for insight... and perhaps today I can get some insight and perhaps move forward and put this behind me for once.
Thank you so much for your time to read this and your sincere answers.
God Bless

Honestly, I have been in and out of therapy for years about this... and guess what they just talked about themselves. I don't suffer form depression believe me. Just every year when my birthday is near I feel down

Answer 1

I'm so sorry to hear your story! You have had a hard life but you have SURVIVED it! Being abandoned by anyone, especially your mother, is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, however I believe that anything in life can be overcome and a person can prosper dispite whatever their childhood was like.

I sounds like your mom has some issues, maybe drugs?
You need to remember that what she did doesn't have anything to do with you or your siblings worth as people who are deserviing of love. Look at her as being emotionally handicapped and she was probably like this before she had children. Maybe her own mother also couldn't show love so she never learned how to either.

Try getting yourself involved in something really healthy like school or taking an acting class or sport or church. Find something that makes you happy doing it. Take everything one day at a time and just keep going, moving on with your life.

It would probably be a good idea if you went for some therapy to get out your anger and frustrations. If you don't want to do that, read some good self help books.

You have come through so much and are an overcomer!! Feel good about that. All the best!

Answer 2

Sometimes the difficulties of life get to all of us and we remember the bad things. The worst seem to be behind you now and you've made it. You were so strong then that now perhaps you don't know if your strength will continue on, but it will because if you made it then you can certainly make it through whatever else lies ahead and I hope you can at least find comfort in that. I'm so sorry for what you've been through in life we all have hard times and some of us worse than others, but you've made it through some that others wouldn't have and it is a miracle and blessing you are still here. It must give you a greater appreciation of everyday since when you can see your children smile, beautiful days playing in the sun with them, and watching them grow in peace without pain. God bless you for being a great soul in a hard world, and raising your children right even though you suffered so much.

Answer 3

wow there is so much pain behind your life and I am sorry but there is nothing we can do to make that go away. However we can guide you and offer you support. first and foremost you need to get into some type of counseling and maybe a support group to help you. Take each day one at a time. I know the past was bad but how is the present??? You say you have three kids and I am sure you love them and are a much better mom than your mom......they deserve the best you can give them. Revel in the joy they bring you and let them help heal the past. You seem to love your mil, let her show you how good a mom can be. Let your hubby's family be the family you didn't have. don't let your past mar your future with your children. It is fine if you are sad for a little on your bday...sit and reflect on the past be sad but then move on and be happy about your life now and how good it is. Let your family help you. If you ever need help and support please contact me. My father made my past very shitty with abuse but I worked hard and overcame. don't get me wrong it still gets to me at times but is not as overpowering as it was before.

Answer 4

if u keep wallowing in that muck u gonna stay there sweetie

U grown now right?
what is the problem?
oh u using mom as the reason why life is so bad?
Love u and all around

look at all that love u could have typed but instead typed all that hate.

all the mom's in the last twenty years have beennstruggling with men attachment and child neglect issues. somewhere along the way it stopped being cool being a mommy

so that's where u come in....

love u girl and ya kids do they have to be destroyed over a birthday party?
hell have a birthday and un-birthday party everyday till next year u can do that...

love u as much as I love u

Answer 5

I am sooo sorry to hear all the pain and suffering you and your siblings endured. It is beyond words how much suffering you guys have been thorough. but my sincere answer is this. You have every right to be depressed around your birthday but dont let them ruin any more of your life than they have already have. You have three beautiful children that you should be very proud of. You are teaching yourself how to be parent sInce you never had an example. Just remember if you want your children to be happy you have to find inner happiness. Trust me your kids can pick up when their mommy is not happy. good luck sweetie and remember their are good people out ther ok

Answer 6

Look back on all of the things that you have been through and think of the lessons you have learned from them and how they have made you stronger and has shaped you into the person that you are today. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe GOD put you through those things so no matter what happens you will always protect your children. Take everything negative and make it positive, and thank the LORD that you made it through. Blessed is the man that is corrected by the LORD!

Answer 7

You do have a lot. I sorta know what you are going threw, except my mother wasn't the one that treated us wrong it was my father. I myself am 31 and everyday I think about life and how it was growing up. I believe that once it is in your head then it will never go away. Cousiling never helps, sometimes it makes it worst. The best things that you need is your husband and your new family. I will be more then happy to be your friend. Just send me an email anytime @ [e-mail] Take care and God bless. Things will keep getting better and if God is on your side which i know that he is then you need to keep him close.

Answer 8

You should write a book. I think it would help you with your healing process. I'm so sorry to hear about your rough childhood. But at least you are strong enough to get through all of that. And you are proving yourself to be a wonderful mother. Everything happens for a reason. You are proof that even if you do have a rough life you can and will do better for yourself and your kids.

Good Bless you and your family.

Answer 9

Thank God the 3 of you made it out alive. I am so sorry for all of the horrible things that happened to you growing up but one thing you have at least got to thank your parents for is teaching how not to parent. When you are feeling down remember this: That is the past. Look around you at your children and the life that you have created for yourself and them. I know on my down days the thing that always lifts me up and keeps me going is one big group hug from my kids and then I am ready to dust myself off and keep going.

I am sure that you put much effort into being a wonderful role model and example for your children considering everything you went through so if the only way to keep on trudging sometimes is to remember that we project our feelings on to our children (whether we mean to or not) and you don't want them feeling down or blue. On the bad days go to the park. Be outside, the sunshine and children's laughter will lighten anyone's heart.

One more thing, you are not responsible for your Mother's lack of communication with you or your children. But sometimes bringing people into our life that have already caused us so much heartache and problems just brings more of the same. Maybe it is good that she is not a part of your childrens' lives. Keep your Brother and Sister close to you and that can be your family unit. Good luck and I pray that a smile crosses your face today.

Answer 10

well....... i'm not going to blittle your experiances or even confess anything as too how that type of treatment would feel....
All i can say is you have your health and a whole number of years left in front of you.
I suggest the shortest part of your life is already gone and the larger part is still to take place.
So try and put the past in to perspective (i.e its gone) and go out and enjoy yourself, have fun, cheer up do the things you want to...etc, etc, etc.
I know a friend of mine would swap your past for his if you would take his FUTURE?. And he had a wonderful child hood loving parents brother two sisters, etc. However i doubt you would want his future... he is counting every day left with friends, and his family as at 30 he has been given six months to live.....
So pick yourself up do the best to dust yourself down.... no one is going to knock you for feeling low... but trust me there are people worse off out there....
chin up and all the best... p.s have a great party and treat yourself to something nice...