Should I stay or should i leave?

Question

This is a really serious problem, I have been with my bf for 6 years. From the time I was 16 and for him from the tim he was 17. We studied in the same college and we were really close. Now that we have started working I feel he has no time for me, He is always just to busy for me. Work is his no. 1 priority. Whenever I tell him how I feel,he just tells me that the only thing I know to do is complain.I dnt know what to do anymore. Talking doesnt help. I love him with all my heart, and I wanted him to be the 1 i spend my life with. I would do anything for him,and he knows that.

My question is " M i wasting my time with him ?"
He promises that he would change, and he doesnt ever. I tell him how i feel all the time, but he doesnt. Im afraid of leaving him

Advice please, tips on how to ignore him.

PS I dnt really have friends,and he is like my best friend

im 22

Answer 1

I find that this is typical for school relationships making the transition to work life. He's putting a lot of energy into work because he needs to be a good provider and get his career path settled. That takes time. Are there some things you can do to ease the way? Things will never again be as carefree as they were during school when the financial burden was not on his shoulders. Ask him what he wants from the relationship and what he believes is his contribution to the relationship. Ask him if he wants to continue the relationship. Then give him time to answer. Don't expect for him to have thought about all this, nor be insulted if he doesn't know immediately. His thoughts appear to be on his work. Be prepared for what comes. It could be that your expectations are higher than what he can fulfill. It also could be that your guy is not able to give more. A guy definitely can't take the place of a girlfriend for the long term. It's just not in his wiring. I would encourage you to continue, or make room for personal development alongside this relationship. He can't fulfill you, but he might be able to be a person to share the journey with.

Answer 2

One thing I know is a guy doesn't want to hear how you feel all the time. It becomes a nagging thing to them. Also, partners like to see you happy. The down side of this situation to me is that you guys have been together so long at such a young age. Could be good or bad. Some people last a lifetime, but some haven't experienced enough, with life and other individuals. If he's telling you he loves you but all you do is complain, I would definately stop complaining. Men like confident women who take charge of their lives. You can't live for him, you have to live for yourself. He doesn't make you happy, you must be happy with yourself. He should just enhance your life. I would really try to do more for yourself. I didn't have any outside friends either, just having moved, but I joined bowling and found a couple. You need to think about what you like and do it. Find activities outside of your relationship. You can meet people, and it's nice to get out with friends every once in awhile. You need to be more confident about yourself. I know, I've been the same way. Believe me it's not easy, you really have to focus on it. I know you love him, but if you feel he needs to change you need to ask yourself, is he the one you want to spend your life with then? People do change over time, sometimes you grow together, sometimes apart. Don't push him too much and see how it goes. If you back off he may come back to the way he was, if not maybe it's just not the right time for the both of you to be together in that way.

Answer 3

Dont do anything you really dont want to do. There are a few different approaches to this situation.
1. you can always start making friends and go out and spend time doing your own thing even though your still with him. It might show him you still have that independence you had when you first met. Some men get annoyed by girls ditching out on all there friends and depending on just them to entertain you.
2. you could break up with him. I understand you have been with him for a really long time but are you sure you want to be with him for the rest of your life or are you afraid of not having that comfort there since you have no one else...look at it from that perspective.
3. Or try to approach him in a different matter, if he says yourr always complining when you talk to him try a different way.

Other than that hun i can tell you much more. But rememeber this all relationships have there problems and are NEVER perfect but they can work it just takes the both of you to work on it. Dont push yourself to the limit if hes fighting you to resolve and you've tried every approach possible (and really think hard about it) then you need to do whats best for you. Its not fair that he looks out for him but you dont look out for you. Good luck and i hope i could help. Kepp your head up things like this arent always easy but we make it through just fine~

Answer 4

Hunny that is what life is. Some times we don't always get what we want and things don't always work out the way we'd like them to. Take it from a married woman. I hardly ever get to see my husband any more since I work in the mornings and he works at night. That's just how things work out some times. It may seem like he doesn't have time for you, but I'm sure he'd make time for you when you two have days off together. Also try making some new friends to hang out with and talk to when while he's busy working. It will take your mind off of not seeing your bf as much as you'd like. He knows you love him and how much you love him. That's some thing that he won't want to throw away if he truly loves you in return. Its worked for me so far. Give it a try and just be patient. That's what love is afterall. Good luck : )

Answer 5

Sounds like he's not as crazy about you as you are about him. If you give more to a relationship than you recieve then its time to give the whole thing some serious thought. I know people who's top priority is their job and I have to say it annoys me, life should be more than work, its about people and relationships whether they be the love of your life or friends.

Get out there and make some friends before you get too old to go out a lot. The older you get the more of the people you know will have there own lives and will have less time for you, this guy shouldn't be one of them if he wants to be with you.

Answer 6

Well, it seems to me that you both have some serious issues here. It is not right that he does not acknowledge your feelings, and try to do something about it.

The sad truth is that people can outgrow each other, and just need to move on with their lives. Can you imagine that you and/or your children would be happy, if he stayed the way he is?

It is difficult to have an adult relationship with someone if they will not communicate with you. You don't need to ignore him though, you just need to spend some time on your own, doing your own thing. Perhaps he will grow up more quickly if he's out on his own, and he may even come back to you a man, instead of a boy.

Answer 7

Maybe you have too much free time, I often found in my experience, if you begin to have less available time then the other person tends to come around and wonder whats going on which in turn brings about change. Make him come look for you every once and a while. Life is funny that way, If you want someone to pay attention to you, Ignore them! dont be nasty with it, but if he see's that you have a life outside of him he will want to be more involved!

Answer 8

Don't worry Zeta. Just be honest with him. If you're not getting what you need from him (time and attention) - then you have to do what you have to do. Take some time for yourself, try making new friends. There are plenty of ways to meet nice people. Try www.meetup.org or .com to meet people with the same interests in your area. Are there groups you could join at school? God Bless and know that you're not alone.

Answer 9

There's an old saying that "A man doesn't miss the water until the well runs dry." What I mean is in a lot of cases people don't miss or don't appreciate what they have until it's taking away from them. Focus on bettering yourself. Find other things to do to occupy your time while he is focusing on building his career. Ignore him and see how he likes it. Good Luck.

Answer 10

well
that is a good thing that he knows about your feelings
but if he ignores it the reason mite be that he dose not like you or he is really busy
well i don't know what to say !!
you are 23 and he is 24 rite now
if he dose not like you then you should leave hem and start to find a nice man very fast but if he loves you too then stay with hem and you should try to get his atention by doing stuff he likes etc....