Christian / Non Christian Relationships?

Question

I have been in a relationship with a strong Christian for 3 months. She has just decided that it can't work.

Why would you let that happen in the first place? I have enjoyed every second with her and have enjoyed learning about her faith. I just can't understand why we can't be together when our love for each other is so strong. Shes hurting as much as me, but claims she has no choice. Everyone has a choice in my opnion. I can't bare to think that my chance of happiness is being taken away. I might except faith at some point, but I just don't know. I've never met anyone like her, but can't just pretend to be a believer when it would be a lie.

Canm anyone help or provide guidance. (You can probably tell im not too good at the moment and very worried, but totally in love)

Answer 1

if she has desided for you( no way, you can think for yourself)
then let her go, her thoughts are not with you

Answer 2

The Bible talks about being unequally yoked. Even in a relationship with two Christians, if one decides to stop pursuing growth in faith, a wall can develop. Something that is deeply important to the one person can't be shared on an intimate level. It also will color the choices that you make because the base set of values will be different. If you were to marry, then those differences become more pronounced. Good for you for not pretending. You are saving both of you a world of hurt. If you decide later that you do want a relationship with God in that manner, perhaps opportunity will rise again with her.

Answer 3

Oh, I read this and I really had to give some sort of an answer, although, I really can't give you anything that's going to help too much..

But..

I was brought up a Catholic, but following various bereavements and misfortunes etc, I kinda re-nounced it, sighting that god wouldnt let that happen..you know..

ANYWAY... I met my boyf in January and he told me he was a Christian, not only that, that he had unusual Christian practices, such as being Kosher (not eating pork!) not celebrating christmas...(we really go for it at christmas at home, presents, decs..you know-the lot!)And that his dad was a minister.. lol..no, he's not Jewish...!

He told me in the past it had ruined and actually broken up relationships.. But I just dont care about those things...

I went home and told my mum, she said.. Oh really.. well, Christmas is one day...compared to a life time...I wouldnt let it get in my way..And shes so right...

I met his parents...terrified of what i'd be met with...They were lovely... He is lovely and neither of us would ever dream of letting it get in the way of our love..

I feel maybe, theres something else affecting her other than this..Cos my guy is a proper believer..Im getting there, under no pressure at all I might add...But I do occasionally let the odd 'oh jesus' out when I stub my toe..which he just laughs at and tells me off (light heartedly)

I do believe in god now, because, I cant think how else this wonderful love could have come to me...But Its my choice...you're right not to accept it just to say it..and not mean it..

I think, talk to her, put across your point, listen to hers, but she's been unfair toying with you if this was ever an issue, she shouldnt have let it get to this stage... I think, you need to ask her the REAL reason... I think you'll find there's more than she's letting on...Im not saying its someone else..But maybe its pressure from family, her social circle, or just jitters...

If you're really in Love-nothing will get in the way.... Just look at Romeo and Juliette!

I really hope she's had time to think and you can carry on together, you sound so lovely and she's very lucky to have that in her life...

xx

Answer 4

Hey, my best friend (his name is Craig too!) and his wife are in a similar situation. 1st I applaud you for not lying and paying lip service to a religion when you don't have the faith.

My friend and his wife were VERY religious. About 12 years into their marriage, Craig became an atheist. Surprised EVERYONE including his wife! While it was a shock to everyone, their marriage is stronger than ever. Craig is highly intelligent and has strong moral convictions and did what he had to do. A very brave man, knowing what might happen to his family. His wife was devastated but stuck with him. They raised their children within the church, Craig respecting his wife's beliefs and letting the children do as they want. (or what his wife wanted anyway) Mutual respect for each others convictions works for them.

The story here is morality and honesty won out over religion. His wife has accepted he's the same man she's always known and loved and that is what is important to her.

Answer 5

Why do people say that as a Christian we are given free will, but then contradict this by saying that she has no choice but to obey God's will????
Maybe her decision has nothing at all to do with her beliefs!!
She may simply have decided that the relationship isn't right for her, for whatever reason. It might be that she can't stand some aspects of your personality and feels that you're incompatible as a couple. (theoretically!) Any couple has to be compatible if a relationship is going to last, and Christians expect a relationship to last for the rest of their lives you know, so it has to work out!

My Mum is a strong Christian, but my Dad is an atheist, and they're still married after more than 25 years, so it can work out just tickety boo.
I am a Christian. My ex husband was an atheist; in his case it caused our divorce. As a Christian I will never commit adultery, it is a sin that he committed against me, our children and God. Sometimes it makes me think I would rather re-marry another Christian, who I know would never cause as much suffering as my ex. But there are many people who would also never commit adultery or any other sin against me, who aren't Christian. Such as my Dad, for instance. Similarly there are "Christians" who do shameful things, such as my bigoted Grandmother, who thinks we shouldn't marry black people.... grrr!
It is Jesus' words "Love Thy Neighbour" I'm referring to here. He doesn't merely mean the people next door, (!) He means people who are different, of different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs.
Christianity is about accepting everyone, including those of other faiths and systems of belief, atheism included ;-)

The fact that my Mum married an atheist means that my Dad can bask in the glow of God's love, even if he doesn't blooming well realise it!! (He should be thankful for that, because the alternative really is a pile of shite!)
The fact that I married an atheist was detrimental to my faith unfortunately.... both situations are different.

You say you can't bear that your chance of happiness is being taken away; apart from being a very selfish thing to say, the happiness that you share with a Christian also comes from God, which your girlfriend thanks Him/Her for all the time in her prayers, but as an atheist you do not believe S/He exists!! You say you can't pretend to be a believer when it would be a lie. This is very noble of you, I understand what you mean, but do you see a small dilemma there? You are denying yourself your own happiness!!

Here is a simple fact that might amaze you: God is love.

That is the foundation of my belief in God. No one can deny that love exists, and this is why it's foolish to deny that God exists!
If you can fully understand this simple fact of Christianity, then everything will become so obvious you will kick yourself.

And if you truly love your girlfriend it will work out between you, one way or another :-)

I wish you luck, I hope you find the right path, and I hope it works out for you, there is a lot of good advice in here :-)

Peace and best wishes :-)

Answer 6

It seems u both are adults and matured enough to take a decision. She knew that you are a non-christian before advancing and the progressing the love with you. If she has only one problem that you are a non-christian and not acceptable then tht's bullshit or avoiding you with trivial issues.

There's no problem in your getting married if you both are truthfully willing and decided to get along throughout. Doesn't matter if her family doesn't agree with it.

Ask her to provide a faithful and firm reply - whether, other than one issue, she is willing to marry you. Decide then let me know.

Answer 7

Hi there

Being a Christian myself, I see the predicament you and your lady friend find yourself in.

See, as difficult as this is to try and explain, I am gonna take my best shot!

In the bible it says that believers should not be in a relationship with a non-believer (they call it being "unequally yoked") simply because it could (note...not would) cause the believer to stumble in their relationship with the Lord!

I have to admit that I admire your honesty for not wanting to pretend something that you don't believe just to maintain a relationship.

Hope this puts some perspective on your situation.

S.

Answer 8

She may come around. I grew up in a Christian church, and fell in love with a Jewish man, swearing that I would never marry him, but we did marry and he eventually converted. Even if she is not in your life, continue studying her faith - if you become a believer maybe she will take you back, but if you cannot become a believer maybe its for the best, because religion would become a sore spot between the two of you.

Answer 9

Don't worry. I am a christian and wouldn't let that come between me and a relationship. Lots of people i have been out with have accepted it. If your girlfriend says it wont work out, prove her wrong. Tell her that all though you wont go to church or believe in god, it doesn't mean you don't love her.

Answer 10

U r really a genuine guy concerned over her feelings, invite her over a cup of coffee n try to prod exactly what pressures is she going through.
Good things come to those who wait;
Better things come to those who try.
All the best

Answer 11

why do people let religion stand in the way of love!!! it really annoys me, if your religion is saying love oneanother and every one is an equal, then what is the problem.

if that is what she has chosen then i would move on. you cannot change a person, and more importantly do not chanfge yourself.