is age gap really matters?

Question

i am confused right now if I'm going to follow my heart what wants or not. We met each other in chat and so far we're doing good and we're planning to move forward; he can't come in my country because of some problems cause his dad is ill and very old to travel and he can't his dad alone because there's no other person can watch and take care of his dad so we planned I'm the one to go in his place just to meet him in person. We are more than 1 and 1/2 that knew each other and we keep our communication daily. Our age gap is 17 years actually i am confused if i am going there to see him and if it fine to marry a man who is older than the girl. i do really love him but is it really love or infatuation? Guys i want to know what can all you say about age gap...

Answer 1

First before I start sharing my thoughts, let me say that I am NOT attacking you, NOT talking down to you, and NOT saying you are wrong in ANY WAY!! I am ONLY speaking from my HEART!!!!

My bf of 4 years is 18 years younger than I. I’m 47 and act and look MUCH younger than my age. He is 28 and looks older than his age...only problem is that is does not act it. He has lived with me for about 4 years now.

Our biggest conflict is that I have experienced so many more heart aches and financial hardships than he has, and he cannot relate to them. On the level of our “friendship” we get along GREAT! He makes me laugh and I him, and he appreciates an older woman that has experienced life with gained wisdom. I appreciate him because he allows me to be young and to be who I am. We have MANY great times together, but we ALSO fight like cats n dogs because he doesn’t understand financial responsibility. I am constantly having real difficult times due to our age gap. I’m at a cross road of what to do. I love him, but I can’t continue living with the arguments. So do I invest more years of my life waiting for him to mature, and who’s to say that he will change with maturity?

OK, that’s my life as being with a partner that has a huge age gap.......
It would be much easier to answer, knowing how old you both are....so I really have to punt with this one! Age gap doesn’t matter if the two people are on the same page as far as what they want out of life and if they are able to conquer the obstacles that will occur due to the age gap.

I COMPLETELY can relate (I can’t understand, because I’m not living in your shoes) to your confusion. Sometimes following our hearts can be a wonderful thing, other times our gut instinct and knowledge are a much better factor in making decisions. Communication and the ability of living in harmony are two completely different types of life. People are different in both situations, it’s just human nature.... You have been communicating with him for quite some time now. My definition of love is when your toes tingle when he kisses you and you feel completely safe in his arms. How do you know that you both will feel true passion when you are face to face?

I’m not being sarcastic, only realistic...... Since you are having to leave your country, I feel concern for you. He will be in his element, but you won’t. If you do go, PLEASE have a backup plan to return to your country!!!!! Don’t allow yourself to be put into a situation that you cannot get out of if needed. OK, I know you will probably find this suggestion to be silly and unnecessary, BUT.... I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU DO A BACKGROUND CHECK ON HIM FIRST!!! The prices can range from $10-$40 dollars....But don’t you think it’s a good investment since you are the one leaving YOUR HOME? I truly hope that you will believe so....I’m just looking out for your best interests hon!!! Guys have a way about them (especially on the internet), they are able to charm us and believe anything they say about themselves. (YES GUYS, WOMEN DO THE SAME!!)

My best friend met a man online from Australia which was about 15 years older than her. After MONTHS of communication by computer and phone, she went there to meet him. (She was married with two small children) She called me every day telling me how happy she was and that he would be returning to the states with her. He did come back with her after her being there for about 2 months. She filed for divorce PRIOR to leaving and they married when the divorce was final. He could not work because he didn’t have a green card and she refused to. So very quickly her divorce settlement was gone. (Something she told me that she truly regretted and resented!) He was finally able to get his green card and have employment. The house they were renting went into a foreclosure. I had just got married and my home had not been put up for sale yet. So I offered them it to rent. When my ex-husband and I went to have them sign the lease, he told my ex that he had gotten himself into a mess by leaving home and marrying her with children. He didn’t realize all that was part of the package.....he resented the unknown that he knew now. When I returned to my home b/c of my divorce....there was much damage due to tempers flying within their relationship!!!

Sorry this became a book! The main thing I’m trying to get across to you is this: DON’T PUT YOURSELF INTO A SITUATION WITHOUT A FALLBACK TO GET OUT IF NEEDED!!! You are leaving YOUR country, BE SURE that you have means and are able to return if necessary!!!!!

Have you confided to your best friends about this, or your family? They know you, we don’t! We can only give opinions based on our trials and tribulations. Have you ever heard the saying “Opinions are like *ssholes, Everyone has one”? This is what you will receive here...OPINIONS. You REALLY need to discuss this with people that know you.

PLEASE consider doing a background check on him...if he has a problem with this, then that’s a HUGE RED FLAG hon! Also please don’t leave without having means to return if it doesn’t work out. You MUST look after yourself!!!! I wish you happiness!!! Deb

Answer 2

as long as u dont have sex it doesnt, if the other person is 16 and ure 14 its a felony for the 16 yr old and if the other person is 12... well other than that just being sick (for sex) its also against the law for both of you, and i dont know the punishment but I'm pretty sure the 14 yr old will be charged with something to do with having sex with a child. if u mean just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship without sex its legal either way, if one of u is 12 i'd say that person is too young but if its 14-16 i'd say its alright. EDIT: but i see one person said she dated with 4 yr age gap at 14... dont get that big of a difference, its not right until ure old & mature enough. i dont know any 14 yr olds or for that matter 16 or 17 year olds that are mature enough to handle some1 that much older than them

Answer 3

Age gap is usually not that much, but if you do go there to meet him, make sure you take someone with you. I have heard of people going overseas to meet someone and getting abducted and never heard from again. Slave trade is still very much a $$$ business. Don't always believe everything you read, this could be a big sham.

Answer 4

Sometimes it matters, when you allow yourself to be bothered by some peoples comments, I have had many wonderful years with a far bigger age gap than yours, I was infatuated and in love, no one can foretell the future, My comments refer to age gaps, you should be wary about going abroad, and feel suspicious about his reasons for him not coming to you, you are confused because you feel some misgiving,.

Answer 5

it really depends how old u r if your under 18 then yea the age gap is a bigg problem as its illegal... but if your over then its not... as for him not being able to travel thart i wouldnt trust, you never no with ppl on here he could b a con a rapist ect.... just b carefully and if u do go take a close friend or family member with you just 2 make sure you r meetin a genuine person

Answer 6

Age gap? Honey I wouldn't worry about the age gap, I would worry about flying half way round the world to meet some dude I don't know.

Answer 7

well age gap some time matter
first have he send you his pic have you ever seen his pic if he said he his dad is ill i think it mite be fake coz some people go to chat rooms and they start talking to people and lie ther age and every thing
do you bleve hem ?
well i know you love hem but how can you love some 1 if you have never meet hem in reall life
if he dose nto have a pic and makes excuses then he is lieing !!
he mite even lie his address
when you get there there mite be nothing there you wast lots of money to go there !!! if you are still under control of mother and father then do they agree for you to go and meet hem !!
you should first resurch about it and then make up your mind!!!!

Answer 8

I won't tell you the age gap between me and my partner but we are happy. Obviously the maturity and life experience is different but if you really love him, Go for it. you need to talk about the future though. 17 years isn't that much compared to mine.Lol. If your happy, DO IT

Answer 9

That depends. If you are 15 and he is 32, that's a big problem. If you are 60 and he is 77, it's not so much of a problem.

Answer 10

ok, age gap aside, first of all you dont love him... you love the idea of being in love, so as soon as you find someone to talk to you think you have fallen in love.. you can not be in love with someone you have never met!!!!!!! ill say it again, you can not be in love wuth someone you have not met!!! and think about it do you really think its a good idea to leave your country to go somewhere youve never been to be with someone you dont know? are you trying to get raped and murdered??? seriously, youre making a huge mistake... you are exactly what sexual predators are looking for online... i dont know where youre from but in america way too many young girls and boys are killed and/or rapped every day by the people they meet online, and alot of those people mare from out of the country.... youre a huge idiot if you think youre in love and if you think its a good idea to go to another country to meet someone you dont know... its sad writting to you i dont know you but i have a bad feeling you are going to get yourself in a lot of trouble

Answer 11

The age gap isn't the problem. All of the rest of it is a BIG worry!