Why do I want someone that I didn't want before?

Question

I was thinking of letting go... what if I had would he be where I am now... wanting me more than I want him?

Why does regretion hurt so much? How can someon that was so into you suddenly change his mind in hours, keep you waiting a week before telling you not to call.

I want to SCREAM what did I do, talk to me. But I haven't heard his voice in 9 days when he left my apartment with me one Monday morning.

Remember he all told me via text "do not call me". Seems like a lot of advice is to "go see him" but we don't go the same college, n he won't answer the phone if I call, no e-mail just really mean text. yesterday "maybe later we can hang out but right now I'm enjoying my space" today exactly 16hours later "don't call me" dumped via text message!

Answer 1

I went through something similar a while back.... Hang back and let him come to you... The more you try to force the issue, the more you will push him away.
I know that every fiber of your being says fight for your man, but patience is needed now if you EVER wanna save things.

Answer 2

This is a very personal question, and I'm probably not the best one to answer it. But here it goes.

My best friend and I began dating a couple of years ago. Against all odds (and i mean ALL odds) we wound up dating. We were really in love, but he wanted to back off after about a year, there were misunderstandings and hurt feelings and some bitterness. I wanted to back off from him. But I didn't and didn't and didn't. Finally we wound up discussing it and took a break, which led to a breakup. We are still best friends. We are still in love. But it was a long hard road to get here. I felt completely rejected by him. I thought if maybe I'd broken it off completely, it would be okay. Or maybe I shouldn't have said anything and we'd have fixed things and gotten better.

I only tell you that to lend some credance to what I'm going to say now...

No matter what you did, or think you should have done, it's done. And it's okay. It's easy to slip into "what if" but the fact is, "what if" you'd done what you think might have been better and in fact things got worse? You don't know that. The only way to get through the rough spots in life is to say, "This sucks, but what if I'd have done differently and it went worse?" Then try to move on. It isn't easy and it took me forever to understand that. But it's true... at least for me.

Rejection hurts more (in my opinion) when you deeply love someone (or at least think you do) and you feel they reject you. It hurts because your rock is suddenly gone, and you're forced to stand by yourself again on limbs that are maybe a WEE BIT atrophied from spending so much time leaning on someone else, emotionally, mentally, etc. But sometimes it isn't rejection. Sometimes it's just taking space and reevaluating things. It could be that in a year, you're going to look back and think to yourself, "That sucked, but it could have been worse... I could have been stuck in an unhappy relationship." Or maybe in the same span of time, you'll be with this person again.

I don't know how close you were or for how long. But maybe he's just taking a step back and evaluating the situation. You could always try calling or emailing or writing a letter (edit it first, and have a friend read and edit it, too, so you don't get spastic or angry or anything) and try to get ahold of him that way, and just ask what's up? Explain you're a bit hurt by the lack of interest or whatnot. Explain how you feel. Just don't freak him out. Enough so he understands, then leave it be and see what happens.

I guess that's my advice. As I said, though, I may not be the best person to answer this. I went through a hard time after my breakup, and am only just getting over things. So biases may still cloud my judgement. Please take what I say with a grain of salt.

I hope all goes well.

Answer 3

Wow, I guess that maks two of us. Only I dont know if he IS still interested in my or not. And, lol, for the past 9 days as well it's been driving me crazy not knowing what he's thinking.

But I told myself this, dont stress about things that are not in your control. If youve done the best you can in any gieven situation, then that's that.

But what gets me is, you were thinking of letting him go previously right? So... Or no?...

It's interesting how you try to put yourself in his shoes though, if that's the case. I did that too, myself...^_^

Don't fight it, if you feel painful, let it out, it'll pass, but dont go around spending your time blaming yourself on things you did not do wrong.

If he's going to be that way. Say i want you one minute and chnage his mind the next...Do you really want to be with a guy like that?

Make sure you're trying to be with some one, who never makes feel like your not worthy, or unequeal.

Make sure your with some one who would stick by your side after the fights and tears and miss-understandings.

Breath in deeply 6 times. And move forward.

Si-Lynn

Answer 4

The problem we humans have is that we only remember the good things. This may be why you yearn for him so much, you are only remembering happy things.
Hate to say it but, this cat aint worth your time because he has "nicely" informed you he is no longer interested.
Is that your picture next to your Q? I see no reason why you cannot move on. There must be many cool-cats on the sideline hoping to spend some time with you!

Answer 5

Dont give him not one more minute of your time. He is trying to turn the tables on you. Move on and remember that happiness is the best revenge. I think it is so disrespectful to be insensitive. I dont care what forum the insensitivity comes from and this guy you are describing is just that! RUN from this idiot. Never let him back through your door. Take Care sweety.-Rachel

Answer 6

Relationships are great mysteries.....they can have tremendous highs, but such lows. Look to the future, but let the present be shaped by experiences in the past. Keep moving forward...no matter the pain you feel.

Answer 7

i dunno what exactly the words and things goin on between you and you partner,but as you spell your words it seems your having a little misshaps,just hung on first,try to go with the flow of your relationship for now,dont call or text him,behave first,gave your self and him a break,if you feel you can carry talking with him without those hurts,find way to see him,make way to talk to him,at least for the last chance,talk him in anice way,at least even if he still decide to live you,he will be having a second thought if he did right because of what you behave towards him.,yah!regrets is the fact that hurts us persons but it just for a moment,open up,move on if ever,we were just human anyways we can feel those as we live in this earth so next time be -aware..cheers..

Answer 8

the guy is clearly no longer interested in having a relationship with you. why not get him out of your mind, pursue other interests, get busy with school or office work. love yourself... be kind to yourself... other people will find you more interesting if you are happy... so cultivate a happy environment around you. in time another guy will come and maybe this one will be deserving of your love.

Answer 9

Probably:
1. you are not ready to let go and he's doing all those things which indicate that you should be letting him go i.e not calling back
2. he wants you to call him or look for him!!

Answer 10

Chod tho