my cousin is getting married on the other side of the country from where i live. do to prior plans, i cannot attend the shower or the wedding. i was planning to just send a nice wedding gift, but my mother says i must send a gift for both??
additionally, my cousin did not really give a gift for my shower that she attended, nor did she attend or give a gift for my own wedding.
what is the correct etiquette? thanks!
2007-08-28 20:38:08 · 10 answers · asked by sftraveler 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
First, your cousin's gift giving history is (theoretically at least) irrelevant. Mannerly people maintain the polite fictions that (1) it is the thought that counts and they have no idea of the monetary outlay involved in any gift and (2) they don't even keep track who did or did not send a gift, much less it's monetary worth. (Remember, I said these were polite fictions.)
Second, gifts are voluntary. You are not required to give gifts at all, even if you are present at the ceremony and/or attend the reception. The exceptions to the "gifts are voluntary" rule are children's birthday parties and showers; at these, gifts are are a condition of attendance.
However, it is never incorrect to send a gift, even to a cousin one is disenchanted with and who's affairs you did not attend. So perhaps you should please your mother; she may have good reason for wanting you to do a particular something, reasons which have more to do with your mother than with you or your cousin.
2007-08-29 01:45:28 · answer #1 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The rule is that if you attend the shower, you take a gift, and then if you attend the wedding, you take a gift as well. But since you are not attending the bridal shower, there is no need to send anything unless you want to be nice and send a cute card or a bouqet of flowers. As for the correct etiquette, always a gift for the wedding; gift for a bridal shower only when you attend.
2007-08-29 03:49:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need only send a wedding gift. A shower was originally thrown for those who were not attending the wedding(co-workers, friends, etc) and immediate family members. Since she is extended family, if you are unable to attend the shower there is no need to send a gift. You should send a wedding gift, however. remember the rules of etiquette change with society, so truthfully you should do what you feel is right!
2007-08-29 03:50:00 · answer #3 · answered by Kristi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send a gift for the wedding, this should be good enough. If the couple get upset, that's just greedy. Hopefully they will be happy with whatever gift you give them.
I don't know anyone that sends a gift for the shower if they don't attend it but most people send gifts for the wedding if they can't be there just to show they care.
2007-08-29 03:46:16 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle My Bell 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are never required to send any gift to a shower or a wedding. If you go to a shower, you should give a gift, but you are not required to give a gift at a wedding, whether you can go or not. If you cannot go to the shower you do not have to send a gift.
It is up to personal choice.
Whether she gave you a gift or not is irrelevant.
If you are close to her, give a shower and/or wedding gift.
2007-08-29 08:36:48 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i attend a shower, I bring a gift. then I don't bring a gift to the wedding.
If i don't attend the shower, I will bring the gift to the wedding.
i don't get the concept of separate wedding and shower gifts at all. one should be enough.
2007-08-29 03:46:32 · answer #6 · answered by georgiegirl422 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you were invited to the the shower and wedding, get a gift for both. It's generous and I'm sure they'll notice and be grateful since you're across country.
2007-08-29 06:37:15 · answer #7 · answered by Tostito 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just send an inability for the shower, and then an inability and a gift for the wedding.
2007-08-29 04:11:12 · answer #8 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just send a wedding gift.
2007-08-29 03:46:28 · answer #9 · answered by wxyz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just the wedding should be fine.
2007-08-29 03:46:57 · answer #10 · answered by jalopina98 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋