In relation to a previous question of mine, my girlfriend (whom I love) has been with many guys for her age. She's 20 and has been with 14 guys, none of which were real relationships that lasted more than a month. A bunch were one night stands.
I see sex as something special to share with someone you love, and it seems to me that the more random "sexcapades" you have had, the less special it will be when you find someone you love.
So my question is, from a woman's point of view, does sex with multiple people change the specialness of it? If it does, how?
On a more selfish note, that just has to do with my insecurities from being such a hopeless romantic, do your experiences with these past partners pop into your head when your with your current partner? Do you compare him with your past ones? What about during sex? I feel guilty asking these ?'s, but I want to know.
2007-08-28 20:04:08 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
To anyone who calls me judgemental over my question, or that I am inexperienced "in life" or anything of the sort:
You need to realize that my life experience has nothing to do with the quantity of my lovers. You say I am judgemental, yet you judge me. You don't know all the facts, that I love her, that she loves me, or everything I have done for this girl.
I will not end this relationship over her past, I just wanted to get some internal thoughts in my head cleared up.
Of course I have discussed all of this with her. But, the truth is, a lot of women out there will lie, or at least bend the truth, to keep from hurting their significant other, or the relationship.
So, is it wrong for me to get the opinions of others? I don't think so. In fact, after reading all of the answers (the helpful ones anyway) I spoke with her again, and we are both feeling much better.
Thank you to those who appreciated the situation and gave me good, non-judgemental advice. It helped a bunch.
2007-08-29 07:51:47 · update #1
There's making love...and then there's having sex. Having many sexual partners (one night stands or otherwise) doesn't impact on how good the sex is when you find someone special.
Making love with someone special to you is the ultimate in pleasure because it involves emotion as well as physical attraction.
Having sex is lust based and can fullfill primal urges. It gains you instant gratification which is hard to turn down when it's being offered on a plate.
I would say if your girlfriend has been open enough to admit to you that she's had these "sexcapades" then she truelly cares about you. If you are enjoying making love with her and she with you then why question anything?
Think about her experience as being sexy - you don't have to teach her the basics, you can learn together about how to pleasure each other without the awkwardness of being shy.
And to answer your insecurity questions: No, old lovers never pop into my head when I'm with my partner. No, I never compare lovers - everybody has their own way of doing things and just because they're different doesn't mean they're better or worse.
2007-08-28 20:18:44 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, the amount of sex partners doesn't have a bearing on how you feel about a long term partner or someone you have chosen for a relationship.
How could it? Sex can be special because you're having sex with THAT person and you have chosen to spend your free time with THEM. Sex can also be something that fulfills a need and if both participants know that it is just to make the body feel better, then there isn't anything strange or wrong about that either. It is why the phrase "consenting adults" was created.
It doesn't sound like you are a "hopeless romantic" but more inexperienced in life in general.
Actually, after you've had sex with many different people and you've seen what is "out there", you tend to be quite discerning in what you want in bed and out of a relationship.
The bigger question is should your girlfriend take a chance on someone who is judging her every moment of the day?
Have you spoken to her and found out what she has to say about this? Her answer is all the answer you need. It isn't a general question.
Your question is even worded in such a way that you will more than not get the answer you are "looking for".
The easy answer is: "No, it doesn't change the specialness of it." This only applies to those who judge others and have an immature outlook when it comes to sex and relationships.
Ask your girlfriend her take on it and then after you have your answer, do not seek any further because if you do, then you owe it to her to set her free and allow her to be with someone who has had more life experience or at least, maturity. Questioning her answer is to question what you mean to her and what she means to you.
2007-08-28 23:05:08 · answer #2 · answered by KD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from experience the amount of sexual partners I have had in the past has had no effect on my current relationship. I too was a sex-aholic and my number is quite high. I'm 21 and had a wild streak. I am also now married and have a 15 month old son.
Sex to me was about the excitement of the unknown and thrill of one night stands. It is a completely different experience when real feelings and emotions are involved. There are many levels of closeness you can experience with different partners.
The term "Making love" is only something you feel when you are actually with someone you love. Its on a whole new plane of specialness because you are sharing it with someone you are in love with, not just a casual one night stand.
If you are feeling uncomfortable she will definitely pick up on it and might make the experience worse for both of you. Talk about it and see what feels right! I hope this helps!
2007-08-28 20:14:02 · answer #3 · answered by kell54329 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a really good question. Personally I think sex is really special with my husband because I love him so much. Sex wasn't really that special at the begining cos I wasn't in love with him and now it's much different.
If you love the person none of your questions are pertinent. If she doesn't love you, yeah she might measure you up.
I would hold off on having sex for a while. It seems like she needs to work on having a relationship before she can have sex.
I would make sure to wear a condom though. If she's been with that many guys...you shoudl take the extra precaution.
2007-08-28 20:18:21 · answer #4 · answered by confused 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not like a pair of old shoes that wear out.. at least not for me. I had casual sex but when real caring, love and affection came around I wasn't interested in that any more. Then it was special. Under those conditions I was too involved in pleasing/pleasure to think about anything less romantic.
2007-08-28 20:11:02 · answer #5 · answered by atheleticman_fan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry to say but this girl is not for you, you seem to be a nice romantic guy. a girl who has more than 3 times experiences and only for one month relationships will never be serious in a relationship. wake up man!
And i believe that girls do compare having sex with their previous man. Coz it will keep on reminding you those times in the past.
However if your really love her and you believe that she love's you then don't think and worry, just do your best shot. Remember love thus not means sex at all!!!
Goodluck and Godbless!
2007-08-28 20:34:44 · answer #6 · answered by Lstweety 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your probably with the wrong girl think about it, things only lasted a month or so usually guess what more then likely the same is going to happen with you. Id hate to have a girlfriend that has had that many partners. It just wouldnt be the same
2007-08-28 20:08:02 · answer #7 · answered by No use for a name! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
definately not if you love someone i mean really love someone after having other partner/s you find it so specail its like your first time you forget that you ever had other partners we dont compare any guy from the past with the person we love its definately specail and during your mind is only set on that one person whom you want to spend the rest of your life with
2007-08-28 20:11:33 · answer #8 · answered by ELLE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not a girl, but i can give you some great advice.
dont waste your time with girls you dont like.
if want a virgin, you wont find her among prostitutes.
if you want a girl who has only been with one guy, find one who has only been with one guy.
if you wanted a 6' tall woman and you found a 5' tall woman, would you ask us how to make her grow a foot ?
every woman is different, some like one night stands, some dont.
dont waste your time trying to figure out how she feels about all the guys she has been with. she is not for you.
2007-08-28 20:11:11 · answer #9 · answered by Jr. is angry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is meaningful with the one who love. In this society, it is not hard for a girl to receive offers as such. But personally, don't take those offers.
2007-08-28 20:26:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋