She's defiant and won't listen to a single thing I say. I've tried grounding her and some other things too. Today, I told her to do the dishes and she told me "go f*** yourself b****" I just dont know what to do. any suggestions?
2007-08-28 18:12:54 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
turn her over your knee and spank that but real well
2007-08-28 18:19:13 · answer #1 · answered by ektdeul50 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
I was 14 when I called my mom a ******* ***** and she slapped me across the face. That's the only time my mom had ever slapped me in the face and trust me I knew I messed up big time. Also when my dad came home that night (he was at work when the confrontation went down) he whipped my butt with a belt (the only time I ever got the belt) and told me that this would not be the last time I got a whipping if I don't watch my p's and q's. I never so much as said the words about my mom again to her or behind her back because I was not going to get a slap across the face and whipping like that again. Normally I would say do something creative, but in this case I have to say whip your daughter's butt the next time it happens and make sure she learns whose house she's in. I would also tell her that she will be doing the dishes for the next week to your standards or she will not be having a social life or any life except homework and chores for a long time. She needs to earn your respect back and if your daughter is sensitive like I was the worst words a mom can say is, "I'm so upset with you I'm not even sure I love you anymore, and I know I don't respect you because you don't deserve respect until you respect other people." My mom said this to me a few times in high school when I messed up and it really hurt me. Now I'm much older, have a baby of my own and my mom is my best friend I talk to her every day. So it really is a phase but the tude needs to be nipped in the butt (literally).
2007-08-29 01:43:24 · answer #2 · answered by ekbaby83 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm guessing you don't hit.. Not a judgement, but that's why she's not afraid of you. You probablly should have smacked her right then and there, but that's done now. Now I suggest you take action. She just treated you like a friend or another kid in the street, well treat her that way. You wouldn't buy them clothes, make up, cell phones etc right? Take them all away!! Tell her that until she respects you- you'll not respect her. Let her keep the bare essentials, but all else goes. Then when she learns how to appreciate what you do for her and give to her she can have them back one by one.
Attitude at this age is completely normal, BUT she needs to know that she can't talk to you like that. Remind her that all that she has is yours...you giveth and you taketh away!!
2007-09-03 18:37:36 · answer #3 · answered by vondalecki 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay when i was younger i was defiant too. Just takeaway anything that she enjoys. Dont let her leave the house until she finishes her chores. If she leaves the house without your permission and is not back within a couple of hours call the police they'll bring her back. And dont u ever let her put a hand on you! If she does call the cops they'll take her for a day or two and she'll learn her lesson. thats what my mom did and it worked for me. Let her know that ur the boss not her! Keep doing this and trust me she'll give up.
2007-09-02 00:00:04 · answer #4 · answered by ♠♥His wifey♥♠ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough call.
The first thing I would ask you...
do you use that kind of language?
If you do... you need to stop that before you can ask your child to refrain from it.
Next... is it possible to sit down with your daughter and just be open with her about that confrontation.
Tell her that you need her help around the house, and that you need her help in finding a way to set up a chores schedule so you two don't have to argue like that again.
Tell her that you want her to be happy and you want to be happy too. It is your home and you all have the right to some serenity at home.
If she lacks the maturity for such a discussion, you are probably going to need to look into more tough love strategies.
Here's a link:
http://www.toughlove.com/default.asp
You do need to do something, though... whatever you decide. This defiance is going to get worse if you don't set some very clear boundaries with her. She needs that from you.
Teens are learning to become independent, so they need to challenge your authority. It's up to the parent(s) to create an environment that teaches your child to deal with conflicts in a healthy (and more mature) way.
Good luck!
2007-08-29 01:30:35 · answer #5 · answered by Loretta 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 18 and I recall a few times that I talked to my mom like that but not because she told me to do something I didn't want to do. It was because of other reasons that I'm not going to say. When I did she smacked me across the face, then when my dad got home I got spanked and occasionally he would threaten to put me in Bar-H. Which here where I live... Bar-H is not a good place. My father didn't really know how to properly punish me and my sister. So he would do what his father did. My advise turn her over your knee and spank her, don't beat her... but spank her. That behavior is uncalled for...
2007-09-04 22:53:57 · answer #6 · answered by ~<3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take everything away from her. give her nothing but her rights under the laws of your state tell her that they are privileges and not rights.
if she try's anything then ground her from everything too IE no Friends and nothing but school after that she gets showered and goes to bed nothing alts :)
she is probably on the teens board saying how hard done by she is ...
your the parent know your right and use them, see they teach children's rights in school and so you have to know the fin print in them, so you can better her in that area and then just go by the letter of the laws and rights. everything alts is not having to be done for her and so take all that away from her, until she can treat you with the respect that you deserve
2007-09-05 08:44:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit calmly down with her and tell her that such language will not be tolerated and then give her ur rules and the consequences of breaking them. be extreme- take away the comp, tv, etc and if she is still defiant one night in the police lock up has worked wonders for many parents
2007-09-05 11:17:07 · answer #8 · answered by kiki68 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need physical punishment. How could you let your daughter say things like that to you. You need to beat her until she knows who's boss and that she's living under YOUR roof and that you pay for her expenses and her life...which means your rules. Beat her, put fear into her. Grounding her won't do anything. If you let her grow up like this, then who knows what'll happen to her in the future. Fix her while she's still young. Fix her mouth too. She's 13 and already cussing you out. Wow.
2007-08-29 01:22:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
yes, i am 18 and when i was in my early teens i used to be rude to my mother.. i dont think it was that early but i was rude.. and what you could do is tell her that if she talks to you like that, or if she refuses to do what you ask then you wont do anything for her, my mom took the comp away, took the phone away, grounded me, even grounded me from friends that she thought was a bad influence... just take things away and dont do anything for her.. in the long run she will regret it all.. i now live in idaho and my mom is in wisconsin and i moved out here about 5 months ago and i miss her like crazy and regret it all i wish i spent time with my mom and was much more nicer.. i want to go back ot her in wisconsin but now im pregnant so im staying with my boyfriend out here for a bit.
2007-08-29 01:21:05 · answer #10 · answered by Caitlin B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have an 11 year old with almost the same problem, she will be 12 next month, grounding doesn't work, chores don't work, maybe it's just the age they are at and hopefully it's just something they are going through, my boys were like that too but now they are older.
2007-08-29 01:23:43 · answer #11 · answered by freedom 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋