I went through my boyfriend's email and found out some disturbing things. What do I do?

Question

I found porn advertisements in my boyfriend's email. At first I thought that they were just spam, but then I found some that confirmed his registration or whatever, and it gave his username and password. I logged onto the website and found some very disturbing things about him. We are in a heterosexual relationship, but I found that his "favorite videos" included both gay and straight porn. He also uploaded very flamboyant pornographic pictures of himself. In addition to this, I saw comments left by him to another male user suggesting that they should get together. We've been in a relationship for 1.5 years already, and I don't know what to do. How do I confront him about me finding this stuff? He's told me before that he doesn't mind me going through his email because he's got nothing to hide, but I still don't like the idea of him thinking I'm snooping on him. PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

talk to him about it. beat around the bush a little. ask him if he finds other girls attractive, does he have any fetishes....etc before you get to the porn issue. you might want to drag your questions out days at a time. don't want to come off as suspicious.

Answer 2

OK . . . well he gave you FULL LICENSE to access his email, but logging at a website as HIM is NOT LEGAL.

Consider that.

It's a direct breach of the user agreement and privacy policy.
(even though it would be impossible to prove.)

But you should deffnitely confront him about it , because even though you MAY (or MAY NOT) be OK with his toying with the idea of hooking up with a guy. . . . . you probably DON'T want to find out THE HARD WAY that he has been sneaking out with dudes on the side.

"Hey, you said your email was not off limits
because you have nothing to hide,
But I came across something that I am
going to need a good explanation for."

And wait for a LIE.
If he doesn't lie but still doesn't mention
anything about an interest in a dude. . .

"Well as long as you are only doing it for
entertainment, and not because you are hooking
up with dudes or anything like that."
(laugh like you are kinda kidding)

And wait for another LIE.

If he LIES. . . . . LEAVE.

DONT FEEL BAD ABOUT SNOOPING. YOU HAVE GOOD REASON TO USE ANY AND ALL MEANS AT YOUR DISPOSAL TO FIND OUT WHATEVER YOU WANT ABOUT THE PERSON YOU SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH.

Gay porn & sex are far more significant than snooping.
So don't feel bad about it.

Particularly if its happening NOW,
and not just something that was in the PAST.

Think about it.

:)

Answer 3

For starters Anon if you confront this jerk he's most likely going come out the closet finger snap you off and move to the Gay Capitol of the world hence San Fransisco and go by the name of Shake A Plenty. Before you do so make sure you buy a rainbow wristband because for some very very VERY odd reason gays are attached to bright colors. Now my advise is simple Anon leave Clay Aiken and get you a real man.

Answer 4

Wow, that is indeed extremely strange and very odd. I really dont even know what to tell you in all honesty other than just confront him and end the relationship. What about the people (friends and family) that know you all? What if they have seen his pictures online or at least heard of them...? You don't need to put yourself in such a situation where you may be embarrassed by this especially because someone is lieing to you and not being honest. Just confront him.

Answer 5

You have enough evidence here to be upset, I think. If it bothers you, leave him. I'd be upset that he had lunch with an ex and never mentioned it. I'd also be upset that he hit on another woman! What if she was "interested"? And you know as well as I do that if he's getting into "fights" with another woman and having to "work" on the friendship, there is something else going on! In this case, given the other evidence, I'm thinking that they're "fights" are because the "friendship" is more than plutonic. Best of luck to you, honey!

Answer 6

I'm so sorry for your situation - I'm sure you're shocked, angry, disappointed, and a lot of other things. However, you must have had some suspicions of some sort, or you wouldn't have been going thru his email. Listen to your inner voice - it's usually right - ignore it at your own peril.

You know what to do, so do it quickly and move on. I wish you strength, a speedy recovery, and exciting new love soon!

What's worse than wasting 1.5 years? Wasting 1.5 years and 1 day!

Answer 7

Lady you just lost the most important thing in a relationship. TRUST. You feel betrayed and when that happens there is only one answer. Move on.
The porn thing should be your inspiration to pack your bags, the sexuality problem should be the spring that launches you out the door.

Answer 8

You dont like the idea of him "thinking" you are snooping on him. Hun, you were snooping on him. Doesnt matter if he told you that he had nothing to hide or not.
As far as what you found... You two definately need to have a heart to heart! If he is thinking of (or) attempting to set up dates with men, specially a man that he met on-line.... You have to consider your happiness and safety.

Answer 9

You know what? You ARE snooping on him.

Since you didn't trust him to start with (you wouldn't have been snooping in his mail if you trusted him) this relationship is not going to last very long anyway. Especially when he finds out you actually DID go through his private stuff.

Answer 10

It's pretty crappy of him to hide this from you (especially his soliciting other people for sex), but it's also pretty crappy of you to invade his privacy.

Ideally, you should be honest and tell him what you did and what you've learned--but be perfectly calm and objective about it; don't fly off the handle. Simply tell him that you are hurt that he has been keeping these secrets from you.

Whatever you do, though, I would not recommend remaining with him. Cheating--or even attempting to cheat--is a huge breach of trust in my book. Unless you really feel you could get past it, I would move on. There's no reason to drag on a relationship that's been tainted irreversibly.

Answer 11

Easy, ask him if it's true, first talk about how people around you guys, e.g. friends or you know someone have done this particular thing he has done and ask him if he's done it, if he lies confront him and tell him that you know, and if he still doesn't admit it, break up get another one, but if he does communicate and see what the problem is, this could be a simple problem or misunderstanding.