Am I being silly for being this upset?

Question

Here is the situation my mother and I got into a confrontation over her boyfriend almost seven years ago since then we have not spoken ( it was about her boyfriend making inappropiate moves on me) she did confront him about it and they did break up but got back together regardless.
Well now I have a four year old daughter and I don't take her to see my mother at all. (because off our fall out) Anyway to make a long story short. I found out my husband took her to see my mother over six months ago and his reasoning is that he thinks I should make up with my mother and that our issue is affecting our family as well as other family members. I spoke to my sister about how mad I was and how I felt betrayed she understood how I felt but she kind of agreed with him at the same time. Am I being to harsh or do I have a reason to be so upset?

Answer 1

Still upset with your mother over an arguement that happened SEVEN years ago?!?!?!
Come on now!
This is your mother's life and if this guy makes her happy, so be it, accept this fact!
As for you taking your child to see your mother.. I would believe you would stay there with your daughter while she visits her grandmother. Where is the harm in that?!?!!?

I will be a first time grandmother in about 6 1/2 months and if my daughter did not want me to see my grandchild because of an arguement that happened so long ago, I would be extremely hurt and pissed!

Your husband did the right thing and is suggesting the right thing to you. You need to let go and accept your mother's decisions and forget about that "old" arguement! Let your daughter know who her grandma is, do not make it so that she misses out of having a grandma!
I miss my grandmother dearly and would give anything to have just one more visit with her!

Answer 2

I can understand your point of vieuw but it hasnt got anything to do in a possible relationship between your child and her grandmother....the fact that your hubby took her there already is a blow below the belt and he SHOULD have asked you first....I would be mad too but there aint no reason why your kid cant see her granny......only her boyfriend better behaves and maybe this could be a situation where you could have another talk with your mum.....your mum is MUCH more than her bad choice for boyfriends,I quess now you became a mother yourself you can act like a grown-up and dont hold on to your strong emotions you had 7 years ago.I mean if you still dont trust the guy then just ask to see your mum alone for now and she can visit your place instead of going there,right.

Answer 3

I believe that you should forgive your mother regardless. Leave the past alone. Your mother is a grown woman and if she wants to continue seeing that pervert, then let her. At least you already warned her. I wouldn't consider ever letting her babysit while she is seeing that pervert though. I wouldn't even visit if he is there at her house. Maybe you could invite her over to your house instead.
-All you can do is just say a prayer for her. All that matters now is your family.
It sounds like you have been carrying around this emotional baggage for a long time now. Why don't you release this baggage over to the Lord? Pray and ask him into your heart. Ask him to help you release all this built up resentment towards your mother and forgive her.
Once you have done this, God will bless you with peace, hope, joy, love, and prosperity. Don't resent your husband for this. He was just trying to help you and your mother establish a mother and daughter relationship again. He was not trying to hurt you. I think your husband knew it was about time for you to forgive your mother. It was a blessing in disguise. -Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

If you are afraid that this man might "make a move" on your daughter, you have every right to do what you think you need to do to protect her. You would be a lousy mother if you didn't. But, to keep peace in the family, you might allow some contact. JUST DON'T EVER LEAVE YOUR DAUGHTER ALONE WITH THAT MAN! Make sure everyone, your husband especially, knows this. If anyone tries to make you feel bad or guilty about it, tell them that you are a good, loving, protective mother & your daughter comes first - NO MATTER WHAT! If my mother had done that, maybe I wouldn't have the memories I have. Good Luck & Blessings

Answer 5

Yes you have every right to be upset! You felt as if your mother betrayed you for her boyfriend.And it was a trust that was bruised deeply.
You can forgive your mom, but you also have a right to protect your daughter.You can always agree to meet her at a half way point. A mcdonald's where you both can sit and watch your daughter play as well as have time to talk with each other.
I think your husband should have spoken with you about taking her to see *your* mother. Especially ,if he knows of the boyfriends actions.You confided something to him ,about your mothers' boyfriend. And decisions concerning your daughters safety or who she's around .Is for both of you to decide on!
Try to pray and ask God for guidance and strength in dealing with this!
Take care!

Answer 6

You do have a reason to be upset. Your husband was a jackass. But is it worth losing your marriage over this? Just forget about it.
But first tell your husband that you feel betrayed and this is your child as well as his. Tell him also that since your mother didn't feel loyal enough to her own daughter to defend you against 'inappropriate' advances, how does he think grandma would act if anything inappropriate happened to your own daughter now?
Maybe your husband thinks you should make up with your mother. Tell him that you want to see peace in the Middle East too and that's about as likely to happen. That is, never. So he should have a reality check.
It's harsh to cut off communications with a loved one. It's also harsh the way your mother earned it. I'd be mad as hell if my husband pulled a similar stunt with my child but I'd tell him off about it and then just forgive him.

Answer 7

Your wishes should have been respected. Your husband should not have gone behind your back.

But, ask yourself if you want to be estranged for the rest of your life? Your daughter has to be told something, as everyone has grandparents.

If you decide not to see your mother, you should decide NOW what to tell your daughter-and when. If you make up lies, she will eventually find out the truth-and that isn't good for anyone.

Maybe you can work out a compromise-maybe your mom can visit, but not bring your daughter to her home. You shouldn't have to deal with the man who made inappropriate moves. But, you weren't a child then-and your daughter will be carefully supervised. Whatever you decide, don't take too long. It will confuse your daughter.

Answer 8

Alot of things and people change over time. 7 years without a mother is a long time, and is it fair to your child to deny her a grandmother. I believe in second chances, especially for family. If you get burned again, then that is one thing, but you won't know unless you try. She is your mother, and you only have one. What she did was not nice, but I am sure that she has paid every day for the past 7 years by losing a daughter.

Answer 9

You have reason to be upset because her boyfriend sounds like a real creep. It must be hard for you to feel the same about your mother when she wants to be with a guy like that. At the same time though, she is still your mom and you only get one of those in your life. You don't have to like him or ever feel comfortable around him, but you can still try to have a relationship with your mother. Maybe you won't get to see each other as often as you'd like because he will be around, but you can still talk and have lunch and make your own time for each other. It is important for your daughter to know her grandmother. A child needs as much family as they can get. But definitely keep her away from your mom's boyfriend because he seems like bad news.

Answer 10

Well there is two sides to this story. I agree with you husband. But also you. I think you should bring your daughter around your mom. And make up with her. Because for one that's you mom, two she did confront him (Not all mothers would) and three your daughter needs a grandma. Every kid is suppose to get spoiled by there grandma. But if I were you. I'd request that your daughter not be around your moms boyfriend. Tell your mom that you don't want this to affect the family anymore and you want to restart but just don't want your daughter around him. Hopefully your mom will understand and respect your wishes. Good luck!