Helpless man?

Question

I'm back in a relationship with my daughter's father, we got a new place together under the impression he would be paying his part. Well, now I'm getting ready to go back to school and I'm scared he won't help more. He hasn't been paying his half of all the bills and rent. He hasn't put money towards the food bill so by the end of the month we are almost out of food to the point that my mother has to give me food. My electircity is getting ready to be cut off and when I ask him for money for the bill he gives me excuses as to why he can't. I end up having to pick up the slack for what he's not doing. I was doing it on my own without him I can do it again. He says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. So why isn't he showing me. I know I should just get rid of him but that's easier said than done. What should I do in the mean time? Someone help and don't just be judgemental.

I was doing it by myself before. Without help from anyone, not even him. The thing is now we moved into a bigger place with him under the understanding he was gonna pay his part. From the time she was born I have been the soul provider for my child. Child support, huh, yeah right. There's an open case but they aren't collecting anything. They have all his information. Including his social, where his mom lives, and even where he works. They just choose not to collect. I have been down there several times fighting with them and they told me to play the waiting game. How much longer they want me to wait another 9 years. The man is working, but he finds it more important to get a cash advance to buy clothes rather than our rent. That really lets me know where his priorities are and it's not our home, our lives together, or our child. I get to pay all the bills and rent while he has fun. Thats ok becuz his number will be up and i will say NEXT.

Answer 1

You deserve better. It's not easy for you, but you have your priorities in order. If his priorities aren't the same as yours and that is important to you, then it may be time to move on. Possibly he just needs to know that you are serious. I mean, he may think you complain about it, but you are still paying for everything, so why should he change. good luck.

Answer 2

The most important issue here is the innocent child that is having to experience all of this situation. Show your daughter that you can take care of her even though you may not have everything you want (right now), leave him and get a place that you can afford even if it is a room, show her that it is not good for a woman to take care of a man by setting a good example and NOT doing it yourself, don't expose her to over hearing the two of you arguing and talking about money issues. Let him see his daughter and require that he provide for her (even if it means child support court). Concentrate on being the best educated mother possible and take your child to church and give your life to Jesus Christ, he will fix things for you and work wonders in your life and future.

Answer 3

think about you r daughter. she is your main priority, before your rent and bills. i was just in a simialr situation with my bd and i cut him loose when i fould out that he wasnt really trying to help me financially. when a person has a child, all money has to be put up for the child, then comes the parents expenses.(ie nice shoes, clothes, hair done, etc.) This man is doing nothing but being a huge financial burden on you and he knows it. just sit down and talk to him, and continue on raising your baby together., but find a smaller apartment that you can afford with your daughter.
PS> You didnt say anything about him caring for your daughter.

Answer 4

First of all, how are his finances looking? If he honestly can't pay, he can't pay, and you might need to come up with a more affordable arrangement.

Otherwise, you two really need to sit down and come up with a plan--and write it down! You need to give him specific dates to pay his portions of the bills, and if he doesn't pay on time, I think you would be justified in demanding he pay extra--a sort of "late fee".

If that's not working, you should give him an ultimatum; he either needs to pull his own weight, or he needs to move out. Remember, you can still be in a relationship if you aren't living together!

Answer 5

You go do it without him. He's causing you nothing but stress. I know this sounds harsh, but unless he starts contributing, do not allow him access to your daughter. He's not a good father, if he were, he would be helping you.
He says those things because you are making it easy for him, why would he leave when he has all your food to eat and a place to sleep and (god forbid) sex with you?
You're better than all this. You go do it without him.

Answer 6

This is the kind of a guy,Ilike to kick the crap out of!!!!!!!!!!! My youngest daughters with a bum like that, and HE"S not going to work, (or eat @ my house). You'll spend the rest of your life supporting this lazy boy. She pays the rent&bills, and she and grandaughter eat mostly @ my house, (but not him) he can get it out of the dumpsters as far as I care. But he's always got $$ for beer&Marboros. WHAT A LOOSER!! Dump him he don't loveyou!!

Answer 7

you just have to accept him for what he is ,he will never change. try spoiling him, a bit of emotional blackmail may make him feel guilty , if not ,dont worry just get on with life, if you throw him out he will just find someone else to bludge off.sorry to b so blunt ,but i see this attitude over& over

Answer 8

He needs more self esteem.
Try to make him feel better about himself. build him up a bit. Then he will feel more able to go out and get a job that will pay for the things you need. you need positvie reinforcement , not invalidation to motivate him.
good luck

Answer 9

Why'd you break it off with him in the first place? Irresponsible/etc?