Can any young parents explain why so many are waiting so long to potty train their kids?

Question

I see kids in public who are easily 3, maybe going on 4 years old, and they're still in diapers. I'd call that child abuse, since the waste generated by solid foods is toxic, smelly and irritating to the skin. I wonder what it does to the childs sense of control over their own body, and their sense of ownership of their genitals since their mom keeps exposing them in public places. And lastly, all that untreated sewage in the landfills is typhoid waiting to happen. Can any of you offer some balance to my view?

I'm enjoying your answers - keep 'em coming. I don't mean to insult anyone, it's just that kids used to be potty trained by about 2 to 21/2 -- BEFORE they enter the "No" stage. Oh, and about the third world comment - that's why they have typhoid - it grows in untreated human waste. No one I know dunks their dirty diapers in the toilet before throwing them away...

It's my friends kids I'm talking about and I don't have to "see through their clothing". We can be having a lunch out at a restaurant together and their kid will suddenly stand up straight, cross their eyes and screw up their face and let loose in their pants. It's truly revolting and repulsive.

I have 2 kids, they were both potty trained before 2 1/2 - one was easy, the other took more imagination - they both were happy to take charge of their lives. I'm not judging, I'm just wondering why. Baby poo is one thing, but 3 year old poo is just about like adult poo -- to those of you who do not find it offensive or unsanitary... I don't know what to say!

Answer 1

I think today's society is more laid back (lazy) then in the past. It is more socially accepted for a child to not be potty trained until a later age. There are also more conveniences such as pull ups and diapers are made in larger sizes now. there is also the movement that the child is the boss and can choose when they want to potty or not.

In years past diapering required alot of work; washing diapers, folding them, etc. Disposable diapers were very costly and out of the majority of people's budgets. It was a huge advantage to potty train your child sooner rather than later. Today diapers are affordable and easier to deal with.Evidently it is more convenient to just keep them in diapers!

If children in past generations were potty trained by much earlier ages, it is confusing why today's children seem to be trained later and later!

Answer 2

Really?I haven't seen that. The guidelines in the UK are that girls are usually ready just before 3 and boys just after. I tried my daughter for a week at 2.5 and she only made it to the potty once. Three months later she got it after one accident. If parents are not trying potty training by three I agree that this is lazy parenting but if they are giving it a go and accepting that the child is not ready when they don't get it within a week then they are doing the right thing. Perhaps these kids are potty trained at home? I admit to putting my daughter in a nappy when we were going somewhere I couldn't whip out a potty quickly until she was 3.5 and could hold it for two minutes so I could get off the train or find a quiet spot.

Answer 3

That's really sad to know there's a four year old in diapers. Didn't know it was going on that long. Girls should be starting training around 18 months. Boys are different, start them around 2. There are OBVIOUS exceptions with medical issues!!! But let's deal with an 'average' child without physical or emotional problems.
Unfortunately, there are lazy parents, and before I take flack for that - it's really true. They don't like to do something "every time" - to be consistent, to do something over and over to help teach their child. It's true - we see it all the time with discipline, for example. A child learns by repetition, by rote. It takes EFFORT on the parents' side.
Frankly, the worst things to come to the marketplace were 'pullups' and their counterparts. They are just diapers for bigger kids. A child learning needs to feel when there's an 'accident' - that's part of the learning.
And there is a difference if a child is doing toilet training, and is going out shopping or on a trip - of course you would use a diaper then on a two and a half year old!

Answer 4

I don't see that a lot.

However, I think you need to take into account the situation. If a 3 year old is just getting potty trained (that's about the right age to be starting/finishing), then the parent may put the kid in a diaper for santariry purposes.

Like they take the 3 year old the grocery store and they don't want him to have an accident while shopping. That would be a big mess, so they put the kid in a diapar to avoid that problem. Makes sense. I would not want to be standing in line at the grocery store and then seeing my kid have an accident all over the floor. That's not fair to other people in the store. They should not have to look at my kid's pee on the floor.

Then at home, the kid wears underwear. Also, now they have underwear that looks like diapars, but actually makes the child feel the wetness when they have an accident. It's suppose to teach when you have to go and when you have an accident.

Answer 5

You know what - my 3yo has constipation issues. Despite my vigilance, I cannot MAKE him use the bathroom. I have begged, pleaded, bribed, told him "once you go, you can start preschool"...it's not working. He is NOT in diapers - pullups at night only. He is great at peeing in the potty.

A generation ago my now 27 yo brother was about to enter kindergarten and was not totally potty-trained. My parents were NOT lazy - he just potty-trained differently than I did. So before you judge others, remember that everyone's situation is different.

However - I will concede that some parents are lazy - but not all "young parents" are (and at least my generation consistently uses car seats, whereas my parents let me ride in the middle of my dad's 'vette back in the early 80s). I do also believe that pullups make the potty-training process go longer - once we ditched the pullups my son went #1 very consistently, but it still took a while before he would do it in public restrooms and therefore we used pullups in public (church, restaurants) for a while.

Answer 6

I was potty trained by age 2 and so was my husband. Our son was potty trained by 2 1/2. My younger sister was like 3 1/2, my freind's son was 5 his daughter was over 3-4, and another son was almost 3, the boy I babyset was a little over 3 and another freind's daughter was over 2. All kids are different.

For some Cheerios in the toilet (boys), or a cookie as a reward, some a sticker do the trick. You can spank, reward, make them clean up themselves, whatever. Every potty training venture is different.

Potty training depends on not only the parents, but the child. I tried so hard with our son, but nothing was working. One day I told him he'd never wear underwear like daddy if he didn't start going potty in the toilet. That was all it took. He was potty trained from then on out.

I've seen parents that even though their child is potty trained, they still put a pull-up, or diaper on the them when they go out in public. We did it for about a month or two, just incase of a potty emergancy or a "potty relapse."

There could also be a medical problem. My sister's bladder was under developed. One child I knew of's tailbone would press against her bladder and she would pee on herself without knowing until it was to late. I watched a show on TV a several weeks ago about two brothers who couldn't feel the urge to poop (a medical condition called Encopresis) and would go on themselves without knowing. One was around 15 and the other was 9. Let's not forget about the children with a learning disability, who do not understand what is going on when they are being potty trained.

Other children like having that control that you spoke of and just like being defiant. They can get a "you can't make me" mentality, and they know that when they go on themselves someone will have to clean them up.

Unfortunately there are also lazy and bad parents.

Please don't judge the parents without knowing what is going on in their home. Not every parent you see out there with a pull-up or diaper on their kid is lazy.

Answer 7

My Sister-in-law tried and tried and tried to potty train her son but he refused to until he was over 3 years old. She tried everything and it wasn't her fault at all. Some kids just take longer than others. It's perfectly normal for a 3 year old to still be in the process of potty training.
Another thing, some moms will put a diaper on their kid when they are out of the house for an entire day even though their kid is pretty much trained, just to avoid any accidents.

Answer 8

My only experience of delayed potty training involved children with autism, my brother included. They go out in public as well, but I'm sure this is not the group that you refer to based on other answers!

As far as the untreated sewage, I agree with you. Did you contribute to that by using disposable diapers? Perhaps. I do think that disposable diapers should be separated from the regular trash and treated differently, but it may be too costly to do so for the trash companies as well as a logistics nightmare.

I support learning to use "infant elimination" techniques if you are a stay-at-home mom and/or have a supportive caregiver if working. One diaper a day works for me and potty training occurs so much easier and earlier.

Answer 9

I am not sure, My first was well on his way to being trained by 2, no accidents after 2.5 years old. I was a young mom and it kind of pisses me off, not only do I have to deal with all these hoebag moms who do not care for their kids (and the reactions I get because of it) but all these other things. Have you realized Asperger's syndrome and ADHD have become household terms? It wasn't like that 10 years ago and I think it is partially because of younger moms, and teenage pregnancy.I do not fit into this pattern (thank god!!) I take care of my kids and they will all be trained by at least 3. My neighbors are so lazy their son just turned 4, and they claim he has autism (he does not) and they are actually proud of they fact that they can get by on $60 a month for diapers for 3!!! Which is insane considering htey have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 10 month old, low life, dirty people. Anyway sorry for my rant, but I think you are right to question this, and I think society needs to educate our children, and adults much better, towards the needs and betterment of our children.

Answer 10

did you know that every child developes differently and not all children are ready for the potty when they are a year old you know. i have 3 children and none of them went potty before the age of 3. my 3.5yr old is still in diapers but only at bedtime, during the day he is ok most of the time. You must be an early childhood educator to think that having a kid in diapers past age 3 or 4 is wrong. Can i see your credentials?