My 4 year old has horrible tantrums, possible developmental delays.?

Question

My four year old son often throws horrible tantrums over the smallest things. About 90% of the time it's when he is told "no". We punish him by putting him in his room and not letting him come out until he has calmed down. But it seems like we have to do this all the time and for extended amounts of time. His doctor said its the time honored way of disipline. He also has a lot of developmental delays. He doesn't have the language skills of a 4 year old. It's more like the level of a 2 year old. Does anyone else have a child who has problems like this?

Answer 1

I'm not sure what it sounds like but it might be normal. I don't know cuz my daughter is only 2 and she throws tantrums just like that.

Answer 2

Instead of just telling him no, try talking to him. When he begins to throw a fit, calm down yourself and then help him calm down. If he is 4 years old, and still cannot control his outbursts, then he needs help from you.

Children with developmental delays are notorious for throwing tantrums. Also, not every delay equals autism. In fact, if it was autism it would be very mild, like Augsburg's syndrome, which is pretty much completely controllable with therapy.

Drop your doc, get a new one, and get your child into some type of therapy. This is really important. You need to find a doctor who understands your concerns and is willing to help you work with new ideas. Calling a punishment 'time honored' is a total cop out.

I don't know where you are but you need to search for a family guidance center. Speech therapy would probably be your best bet to start since almost all children with delays begin in speech therapy. Do your research. The therapist and the setting will change your child's life. Not maybe, it will make a difference in who your child is and the life they lead. So make sure you are going to someone with lots of success stories and lots of ideas. If you do not feel comfortable with their ideas, then talk about it, conflict with a therapist can add further stress to a child that is already experiencing problems.

Above all, remember that your child was born not knowing how to control his emotions. As his parent it is your job to guide and teach, not to force him. Look at the ares where he is having the most trouble obeying, then sit down and think about the problem, and how to deal with specific situations.

If you do not have a plan, then you are more likely to loose your cool, which teaches your child to do the same. Go to the library and get every book you can on discipline and child rearing. Don't just get the ones that agree with you, get them all, then skim through for the main ideas and points. If you find something that speaks to you and your situation, then read it in more depth. Write down ideas that you find interesting. Also, make a consorted effort to add more structure to your sons life.

Make all sleeping and eating times routine, and keep them religiously. Make sure that you have ample transition time when moving from one activity to another. Make transitions fun by singing songs or giving hugs and encouragement.

Answer 3

Me, except she's a girl.

We round up the frustration over speech (she has echolalia severely) by using pictures. If you buy a cheap pack of flash cards at Wal-Mart and a holepunch (I laminated the cards, you don't have to) you can either string a few around his neck or hang them somewhere where he can reach them. Adia has begun controlling her constant echoing and screeching by going and fetching the card she wants acted on. There are better methods, it's called picture-exchange communication or something quite like that. She's starting speech therapy in the fall with Head Start's developmental preschool. Until then, that's what we do.

When she can communicate, she isn't so frustrated, and when she isn't so frustrated, she's not half bad to be around. When she's really temperamental, I give her time-in instead of time-out: I bought a monkey harness and leash, and I'll put the harness on her and have her sit at the end of the tether until she calms down. We leave the harness on a while, and when she feels better, she'll ask to have it off.

Answer 4

My best advice would be to see a specialist.. it may be more complex than you think, and honestly you shouldn't rely on a diagnosis without your son being tested, and examined. A good psychologist might check the brain waves to find out a lot about what goes on inside his mind, and can tell you definitively if its developmental, or just growing pains. You describe him as they way my neighbor acted when he was younger, quite a problem child and as it turns out he had ADHD, and once he was in therapy, with a combination of medicine he turned out to be an angel! This is just an example, but I am pro therapy! It can't hurt to try! Good luck!

Answer 5

punishment for tantrums wont work!!! He likes that attention, even if its not positive. Ignore it, that works better.

Answer 6

Sounds like possible autism...