Girlfriend got raped, and it's tearing apart inside?

Question

me and my girlfriend have been dating almost 11 months now, and she recently came out and told me that she got raped 8 months ago, but kept it a secret, out of fear of how him, me, and my parents would react.

now, she's acting like it just happened a week ago, depressed, crying alot, and now she's considering dropping out of school because she cant deal with the stress.

I feel like I ruined her life by getting her to tell the truth. I also feel like its my fault because I might've been able to stop her from being alone with the guy. I'm helping her as best I can through this, but it's kind of effecting me too. whenever I get idle, i cant help but think about/imagine it.

I just have so much bottled up inside right now. I cant talk to her mom because she's abusive, cant talk to my parents about it, its too late to go to the cops, and I dont want to throw my life away by killing him myself.

What can I do to help her more, while coping with it myself?

Answer 1

Dude, don't try and do this alone. Talk to a psycologist or something. They help.

Answer 2

It's called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, it can happen at anytime, a couple months, a couple years after it happens. I know from experience. By admitting it to you she's not in denial anymore, its finally real. And the erratic behavior happens because she doesn't know how to deal with all the thoughts and emotions she is having. The only thing you can do is be extremely supportive and be there to listen, its a good thing she talked about because she needs to, its the only way she can start healing and learn to incorporate it into her life. and that may be a long road for her. You have to understand that everyone deals with it in a different way. I would say if she is open to it get her to go into counseling. If you visit the RAINN ( they also have info so you can understand what she is going through) website you can find a local rape crisis center, The services are usually always free and you can find that out by just calling and asking, very few centers actually charge a fee. its really helpful because they have individual and group counseling. and it doesn't matter when she was raped they help everyone, even if it happened a couple years ago. i highly recommend it.

Answer 3

"I feel like I ruined her life by getting her to tell the truth. I also feel like its my fault because I might've been able to stop her from being alone with the guy."
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I think U should be more realistic about how much control U have over what happens in your life.
It is not too late to report it to the police (or better yet, the state's attorney's office) - they will have an eye on him and he will screw up eventually and they will get him.
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She should also get an attorney to file a civil lawsuit against him and take everything he owns, or at least get a judgement against him to collect if he ever does own anything.
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I think you both would benefit by moving somewhere different and pleasant to minimize the recall of bad memories, and you and her should both discuss how she can avoid situations where she could be vulnerable to rape.
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As unpleasant as it might be I think it would be important to understand exactly why she thought it would be OK to be in a situation where a rape could occur. As nice as it is to imagine it is OK to trust people, it is not OK to trust people.
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Answer 4

She's not acting like it happened a week ago, she's feeling like it did. When this happened she went into denial and shock and then buried it deep inside with a wall around so she wouldn't have to feel it or deal with it but now she has let it out and she must do this. You did not ruin her life by making her tell the truth, you may have saved it. I understand if she cannot talk to her mother but there are couselors she can talk to who are trained on how to help; if she can, she should talk to one of them. You are a very good person for standing by her side and helping her through this. Do not take care of him yourself, he isn't worth it. I know you would say but she is...and she is worth everything and that's why you need to leave him alone to be there to take care of her. She needs someone she can trust and rely on. You are a very good person. Try writing a diary of your feelings on your computer for only you to see; whenever you are feeling angry or confused put it down so you can look back on it and realize how far you and she have come. Please take care of yourself and of your gf. Good luck.

Answer 5

Its never to late to call the cops. Tell her to make a report to the police about it. It will help the both of you. Also perhaps you and her should seek counselling... Rape is a very traumatic experience and no one should go at it alone.. and this is not your fault at all.. if its anybody fault its the rapists

Stick with her as she will need your support right now. But talk to the police ASAP... not only to report the incident but they will be able to refer your girlfriend to a good rape councillor..

Good luck

Answer 6

This is a hard area to deal with. Did it in fact happen? Was it really rape or did she cheat and her guilt is finally getting to her? If you want to keep this relationship and she wants the same then I would tell her that she needs to go to counseling. If she really was raped and really wants to be with you she will do it. If not I hate to say but don't waste your time on a mental case that will continually blow up in your face anytime.
Don't ever think you could have change anything or stopped it from happening. You are her boyfriend not her bodyguard you do NOT need to take that responsibility and feel guilty. If it happened being supportive is the best you can do the rest is up to her.
Good luck.

Answer 7

Uhm, whoa. She loves you so much for her telling you that. Uhm, jsut continue bein' supportive with her, shower her with love and always, make her everyday filled with the thoughts of you two. Yeah. It's hard and is going to affect you, but, man, just overcome it with the thought you're the special thing that she is with now, and ever. Vent the feelin' your havin cause if you don't it will really be following you all the time, focus on her, she's depressed abut at the same time, though maybe she doesn't shows it, she's happy and feel loved by you. You are his shelter, his light within the darkness. So, stick with her, it's worth it.

Answer 8

Start by reporting this to the cops. I very much doubt that it is too late to go to the cops. I would also talk to her about going to a professional and to the police. Someone with more experience with this will likely be able to give you and her better advice.

http://www.ndaa.org/pdf/sexual_assault_statutes.pdf

Answer 9

u can be there and support her but beware you could get tired of it. Its not to late it happened eight months ago trust me its not to late the cops cna do something about it but it takes time its not goign to be fast it takes timee if i were her i would really talk to a close friend to get through this she cant do this alone shes getting emotional because she finally told u and shes scared scared you mite leave her she is insecure and thinking why did it have to happen to her you need to get her to talk to someone cuz you two knowing and no adult or police or councler knwoing is going to get u nowhere

Answer 10

Hmmmm, okay first you have to convince her that she CANT drop out of school. It'll just ruin her life more.
And is she pregnant or not? (I've heard you COULD get pregnant when you get raped but i dont think so since you didnt mention THAT)
Next, you could suggest therapy...
She should go and get herself checked first at a gynacologist. For the stress, i've heard you can arrange sessions with a psychiatrist to relieve her of it (this CAN be arranged without letting the parents know)...
It would be hard at first but she'll cope with it.
And its NEVER too late to go to the police.

Answer 11

well thats a really difficult situation i wouldnt want it for no 1 its lik a stupid person took half or more of your life n u feel lik its lik a permanent mark u feel lik its happenin all the time n when some1 tries 2 touch u feel lik its that person n u dont want to its hard 2 get over it but i think u should go to a psyciatrist n that will help but i'm sorry i cant give u anymore help on that but good luck on that k