My husband is asking me to...(is this BIBLICAL??)?

Question

I really dont need the non-biblical responses...I know that anything goes in the "worldly" view.

My husband has a very strong fear of being lied to so he always wants us to be totally honest with each other. NO problem for me. The problem is he is asking me to tell him, in detail about all the people I slept with before him. Now TELLING him is not the issue..Im not ashamed of it..but he's asking me to give him detail; like explicit..positions and how many times and what did I say and how loud and how long...stuff that requires that I DWELL on SIN..basically reliving it and committing ADULTERY in my mind by resurrecting lust that I turned away from long ago. My husbands says it will help to quelll his fears, knowing Id be that honest. I believe it goes against God's Word and it open up doors to sin (spiritually). *This wont make sense if you are not a bible believing person so dont bother responding if you dont understand that sin leads to death. Is it biblical what he's asking for?

When I say non-biblical I mean stuff that is not backed by Scripture. My husband is arguing that as husband and wife, we should have no spirits which is supported scripturally. He is trying to liken that to this (I agree) twisted request and I want BIBLICAL support for why he's wrong (which everyone seems to agree he is.)

excuse me...no SECRETS...

DJ...thank you for touching and agreeing on this...

I will suggest the idea of 'running this past the pastor'. I agree that this behavior is unhealthy and he needs to be delivered from this spirit of lust. Its not right...I know its not.

I am not lying...before God Im telling the absolute truth.

Answer 1

My dear is not biblical, he should forget the past, your telling him will cause havoc and mistrust in the home. Since you people are christian, he should treat you as a wife not just anyhow person, he should love you for who you are.

Answer 2

No,it is not Biblical.You should never just empty yourself that way to him or anyone else.It will not heal anything and if there is a wound,it will just re-open it.
It sounds neurotic more than it sounds like a search for truth.
If he wants truth to that degree,perhaps he should begin by no longer using the bathroom.
He can just start pooping and peeing in a corner.He can call it--The Truth Place.Nothing need be hidden in that place,just leave it there to look at and smell.
While he is at it,he can skip the toilet paper and use what is handy.After all,the truth is that the hand works too.
That is how it is done in Egypt and other places.
The Bible calls our righteousness filthy rags and it calls our sins as untouchably dirty.So do not touch them.
We have toilets here,so that we can flush the poop:so flush it.Do not bring the past up,for him or anyone else:)

Answer 3

It doesn't really matter at this point what anyone tells you unless you agree with it. You have already declared that you believe it isn't biblical and you think that it is dwelling on sin.

But if it helps, you could consider it as a confession of your sin to him. But I would want to be clear that he really needs to hear all the details in order to consider you honest. I would also carefully explore two other possibilities: 1. Many partners get aroused by the thought of their partner being excited and desired by others. 2. Your husband may be very insecure with his ability to please you, and is trying to find out how he stacks up.

I would also say that if you direct the lust you felt then to your husband now as you tell him... there is no sin.

Answer 4

No good ever comes of a woman telling her husband how many men she's slept with, and even worse, explicit information regarding those men and what went on. This can only cause more mistrust.

There is nothing in the New Testament that backs up this question he is asking you to answer. If he thinks that there is a specific passage that supports his claim, ask him what it is...post it on this site and maybe we can give you reasons why the verse does NOT support this.

There is nothing in the NT that even addresses premarital sex, except saying not to do it, because that was not the norm like it is now...and there is nothing in the NT that would support his asking you to relive lustfull images that you turned away from.

Answer 5

If those other dalliances were before you came to the Lord, then they are dead and buried, washed in the Blood of Jesus. He says that they are as far as the East is from the West.

Your husband's protestations to the contrary, his problem is not belief in your fidelity and love. He is under the influence of a spirit of lust. He needs to repent of this and get before the Lord. If there is a spiritual warfare church in your area, they could well be able to help.

Answer 6

If any man be in Christ He is a new creature old things have passed away all things have become new.

You are very perceptive...not only will the door to sin be opened but the door of confusion and strife. There is no reason to plant the seed of you being with someone else in your husband's head. This is very graphic so are the two of you equally yoked?
This man is insecure and you will be feeding it. I understand this is a very private thing but is there any one who is mature in the Lord who can counsel you in this area....I know it's tough trusting people....but this thing is a bomb waiting to go off...no way this is of God....is there another way you can help him feel secure....no way I would tell my husband of other lovers...no way...

Answer 7

NO NO NO

there is nothing biblical about this.....

for one thing if he has trust issues, then he needs help...he does not need to go into a wild imagination session to relive your past sex life so he can have something to fantasize about.

it is like he wants vivid detail so he can be a 3rd party observer in his mind.....he is really sick...and you should not give into him....mayeb this will givew him something to get excited about and help him sexually where he feels inadequate.....

maybe he need pastoral counseling....

bye the way.,...what about HIM...???

is he going to reveal all his past sins too??.....or are you the only one that is suspect in this marriage...??.

I think he has a sexual fantasy problem...and the distrust comes from within himself....NOT from you....!!

Answer 8

He is wrong. You just need to tell him that it happened before marriage, you realize it was sinful and God has forgiven you. Because you did it before marriage, you sinned against God alone. Therefore, it was an issue you dealt with before the Lord.

Then explain what you said here, in having it be adultery if he forced you to think about it. Reassure him that he is your love and always will be- and that you would have married the others if they were better than your husband.

If he persists, you may want to go as a couple to talk with your pastor.

Answer 9

I agree with everything you said. I only know God allows two consenting married adults to do things together when you are both in agreement. I would feel uncomfortable personally because of my past, I wish my husband was the only one, we only want to put those things in the past as we ask for forgiveness. You are not lying if you do not remember such detail, being honest is telling him what you wrote. I pray for his insecurities. What is his name?

Answer 10

Your husband's command reveals him to be a mentally ill bully. His demand reveals a tendency to obssessive-compulsiveness, and he is likely quite controlling and abusive towards you and any children you have. If he hasn't hit you already, he probably will sometime in the next 12 months.

Get help. And get out. NOW. If he thinks his behavior is in any way acceptable, then it really isn't too far of a step for him to justify beating you senseless. Get away from him.

Good luck.

Answer 11

NO GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS

SATAN IS AN ACCUSER

What seems like lust will turn to jealousy.

What sins you done before you were saved God does not remember anymore. There is no reason to bring them into remembrance.

Hebrews 8:12
For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.

Hebrews 10:17
And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.