Singe Mom by Accident or Single Mom by Choice?

Question

I was surfing the net looking for some expert (or experienced mom) info on the cost of raising children, and happened upon a site I found rather interesting. The site for and about moms who are single. A place to vent about their ex's who were either not paying child support or ex's who ran off and created another family. I found it nice to see a place where you could rant a little (all the women were respectful and breif with their rants) AND get some mental support, and not be critcized.

One of the entries surprised me though. A woman said in her post that her mother had waited to have children. She chose to be a single mom. She waited till she had an excellent career and was able to afford children. The women then went to to blast the moms who were venting, saying that they made a choice to have kids with the men they were married to and that they needed to quit complaining.... She said divorce is almost a way of life and that they should have been prepared...

This made me think....

Just because you got married and had kids... it is your fault when you can't support them after a divorce? Should you really just stay quiet and take the stress in silence? Should you wait to have a child till you can afford it?

What do you guys think?

Answer 1

I think if both parents planned on having a child, then they should be equally responsible for the child, even if they are not together any more. I believe they should be upset if their ex does not support the child. Now, on the other hand.
My ex, told me she was on birth control, and 2 months after we met, she ended up pregnant, this is after already having 1 son to a guy that was not involved. I then learned she was never on birth control. So she purposely trapped me in hopes of a gravy train or free ride. We broke up, but now its all a game for her to try and get more and more and more money out of me with court, etc. Even though she never pursued her other son's dad cause he is a bum and doesn't have anything. In a case like mine, I think the courts should do something to girls who purposely get pregnant or trick a guy into it.

Answer 2

To me the root of the problem is the choices young women make today for husbands. The want the party boy who is hip and goes out and drinks etc. When that party boy never grows up to be a man they complain about what a bastard he is. Well who made the bad choice?

Or they have sex with boys without so much as a promise. The bottom line, is pregnancy is one of those things that you have to be smart about from the very start. That means the time to think is before your drop your pants, are you sleeping with a guy who will stand up and be there when you get pregnant. Did you marry the party boy who has no visible way of supporting a family. Once the kids arrive it's too late to blame anyone, the choices are made and life waits for no one.

It's easy for ladies to blame the guys they picked. But remember in the end they are the ones that made the choice and said yes.

Answer 3

I think that every child deserves to be brought into this world with as much planning and love as possible, but the reality is that it hardly ever happens that way. We humans have the capability to use common sense, but many times we forget that, and we believe we must act on our FEELINGS instead of controlling our feelings and behaving well. In society today, we want things NOW, we don't want to do what's right morally or ethically, and we don't try hard enough to fix things, we don't even necessarily have any clue or support on how to try to fix things. I think it's a poor argument for the single mom by choice to use that divorce is a way of life, she used that argument to support her choice to go ahead and raise a child without a dad.

Answer 4

I think she's right and kudos's to her for being honest. People have no business having kids they can't afford, but they do it all the time. The kids suffer and the taxpayers suffer, the parents get off scott free. Having a child in this day and age is a choice, and like any choice the repercussions of your actions are your responsibility, no one else.

Hope she's prepared for anything unexpected in the future, though, life is like that.

Answer 5

I think all men should have a vasectomy and the women could choose to adopt the children who are left without a home or anyone to love them. It takes two to create life and some men and women do not think ahead, which creates alot of rants, and anger. A man should take care of what he started, his children.

Answer 6

I have a different situation.
I was forced to live on my own,when he decided to join me he waited till I was asleep.I raised my child on my own.Not marrying some one who I don't trust.Not to hurt me or my child.Or abuse or neglect us in some other way.Yea,its been hard.But I'd rather do it myself and know that she wasn't raped,beaten,or starved to death by a boyfriend/husband.
I've worked my way up the ladder(and its been hard).There are some things life doesn't prepare you for.Marriage would have been great-to a respectable person.For those who found such a person.....congrats.!I'll find them when I find them.
Thats my story.
ps.....birth controll is great.If you know your going to have sex.I wasn't active.He decided I was.

Answer 7

it is our choice to sleep with our husband/boyfriends/ fiances/or one night stand. we know the consequences of our actions. if we divorce our husbands than they should be responsible for the life they helped bring into this world

Answer 8

not all families are perfect.......some function and others dont.....no one at fault......