is this trashy?

Question

okay. i've been with 2 guys my whole life one lasting over a year and a half (first 2 years second 1 year 8 months) i've neevr been with anyone..my boyfriend and i broke up a week ago because he didnt want a girlfriend (he says he fell out of olove with me, is that possible?) anyways i went over the other day to hang out but we ended up having sex.. i love him so much and hes really really sweet to me and he tried to break up as easy without hurting my feelings.. but anyways he love to hold my hand and kiss me and hug me but i still can't understand why he doesnt want a girlfriend.. help

i've been dating him for a year and 8 months.. and we broke up a few days ago.. also its really stressful with his dad cause his dad had a stroke and hes paralyzed

Answer 1

He doesn't want a gf because all he wants is to get laid by other girls and lots of them.

Watch out for SDD's.

Answer 2

OK first things first your not trashy for sleeping with a guy your in love with. But from experience hold off for a while. He may just be using you because he isn't with anyone else right now. Or he could still have feelings for you and can't control them when he is around you. Has he ever done anything like this before. If he has done this on many occasions trust me he is definitely using you. Take this time to get to know yourself a Little better. Make sure that he really is the person your looking for or set yourself some personal goals that doesn't involve him. He could just need some space.
Sometimes after a few years a relationship starts to lose its spice. He may want the time off to figure out what he feels is missing from the relationship. But until he is able to give a reason as to why he exactly broke it off I would hold back on the sex. Or a least let him know that he can't get it any time he wants it.

Answer 3

Hmm. Well, not everyone is the same so It's hard to say but my boyfriend and I went through something similar. We broke up and told everyone we weren't together anymore, but every time we saw each other we were all over each other. I think the excitement of hiding from all the people that thought we weren't together, gave us our spark back.
I have to say though give him the space he wants and don't wait for him, Just live. If it is meant to be it will be. It's okay that you aren't tied down, people change and everyone needs room to change. If he left you though you have to be grateful that he didn't cheat, and he at least had the guts to tell you.
I also get the feeling you're still pretty young, don't stress it too much. Stay focused on your future (school and career goals) and everything else should fall into place.

That is just my opinion, based on my experiences but I wish you the best of luck! Stay Safe!

Answer 4

It's not trashy because you are in love with him...the sad thing though, (sorry to say), he isn't in love with you. In fact, he is hurting you by breaking up with you but continuing to have sex with you!

It is a mind f***! Don't get in that trap, it hurts even worse than a straight up break up. Move on, I know it hurts...but if you don't do it now, this will get messy. Don't let him talk you into anything disrespectful to you.

He doesn't want a girlfriend, because he doesn't want a girlfriend. He does want a girl to be all over his S*** though, that's for sure. Right now he feels like the king of the world with you around his finger. Look at it this way, he's got the best of both worlds right now. A relationship is effort and commitment. He can't do it right now...get out and get a real man!

Answer 5

Fall Out Of Love = I Want To Date Other Women
Break Up Easy = He Wants To Make This Easy On Himself
Ended Up Having Sex = He Just Wanted To Have Sex With SOMEONE
He Doesn't Want A Girlfriend = He Does Not Want YOU For A Girlfriend

Wise up, move on, and forget about him. He's a user.

Answer 6

What I don't understand is why you can't take a hint. I don't know why women and girls constantly second-guess a dude about something like "not wanting to be with them". I don't know how much more plain the dude can be. I mean, why persist until he's made you feel like the most pathetic and useless creature alive? Until he has to be nasty about it? And why it's necessary for you to sink as low as you can self-esteem wise in an attempt to "change" his mind?

Does it matter anymore that he doesn't want a girlfriend? If he's not willing to offer up another explanation, then you have to let that go because, again, does it matter? Stop acting like he's the only person in the world you'll ever love, and who will ever love you. Your grief, your perplexity and your sacrifice of your body to him isn't going to bring him back-- has he come back yet? And you keep forgetting his essential statement: he fell out of love with you. Yes, chickie, it does happen. I mean, are you still in love with the first dude you were with? Well, if so, why AREN'T you STILL with HIM? And if you were, wouldn't that be a considerable detriment to the previous relationship you had with the guy who just left you?

What started off as a dude who cared about your feelings enough to be honest with you when he broke it off became this exercise in your continuing self-imposed disgrace. I'm sure you don't feel great when he's kissing, hugging and loving on you, BUT NOT TAKING YOU BACK as his girlfriend. So why persist? I don't mean to be rude, but it's exasperating. Obssessive behavior is not attractive, esp. to a dude who's clearly leaving you. Grieve in private, or in public if you must, cry on your friends' shoulders, whatever you have to do, but get over this guy. Stop torturing him and yourself. You deserve something substantial in a relationship. Find the guy who's willing to give that to you rather than shackling your emotions to a guy who's no longer interested in that endeavor, or you.

Answer 7

To answer your question honestly:

(1) he is not and was not that in to you, can you fall out of love, maybe, can you fall out of true love, no, and thats all that matters really...

(2) I had the same experience where the guy was really nice after a break up, when i pressed the matter further turns up he was with his ex girlfriend and everything he ever told me was a lie.... what a waste of time.

(3) when someone says they dont want a girl friend as an excuse to break up it means they dont want You as a girlfriend...

(4) he had sex with you because he's generally atracted to you but no in love with you...

people are rarely who you think they are and more of who you want them to be... he's not for you... if he is he'll come bak to you, dont be desperate... dont do the chaseing...

Answer 8

Well, I think it is possible for people to fall out of love because that happens so many times in marriages and stuff and then it goes into the affairs, and everything with divorce. I think that was trashy of you to go over to his house and have sex. He already told you that he just didn't want a boyfriend.

Answer 9

guys have weird reasons for things that us girls will never understand .. BUT you can not keep sleeping with him or continue doing the same things you did when you were going out...because if you do he still gets the love from you.. and can go out and do whatever he wants cause he no longer has the commitment. Soo you can still show him you care about him.. but act like your gonna be fine by going out.. talking to other guys, he then should realize how important what you guys had was. LIke they say you dont know what you got till its gone. he will realize.. but you can not call him all the time and say how much you miss him, play it coool. if he says he wants to do something be like maybe tmmw ive got plans tonight. it will make him wonder.. and the jealousy will kick in resulting in showing him how he does care about you!

hope it works. goodluck xo

Answer 10

It's not trashy. Plenty of people who still have feelings for one another will "accidently" sleep together after the break up. It will just add salt to the wound though. He might still be affectionate because he's used to that with you. You need to know how far you want to take it. He might just be leading you on till he can find someone else to sleep with.

Answer 11

Not trashy, but you may be allowing him to use you. Of course, if all you want is sex, then it is mutual and nobody is being used. However, you still want a relationship, and he doesn't. It is time to move on. It will be very hard to do, but you can't find Mr. Right if you still want Mr. Wrong. It's just not the right time for you and your ex.