I called off my wedding cause i don't think i'm in love with my boyfriend of four years any more i still have feelings for him but i'm not sure if it is love. But everytime we decied to end it i don't want to let go.
2007-08-28 09:13:01 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I don't think that it is weird behavior or that something is wrong with you. I think that you have cold feet and are scared of actually tying the knot and being husband and wife.
If your not in love with him, then don't waste your time or his with keeping it going any longer. Maybe you guys have just grown apart from each other and just need something else in a relationship.
My guess is if everytime you try to end it and you don't want to let go, is you definately care for him. But is it because you don't want to lose him or that you don't want to be alone? I think that is only a question that you can answer. If the answer isn't that you don't want to lose him then maybe you guys need to take a step back and evaluate your relationship. Maybe try some couples counseling. That way you can find out your true feelings for each other. If the answer to your question is that you don't want to be alone, then you need to make some serious decisions. Its not good to stay in a relationship because you don't want to be alone, you should be there because you love that person.
Maybe you should just take a break from each other and see how it goes. You may find out that being without him isn't as scary as it seems, OR you may find that you just can't live without him and vice versa, and you may find a way to make things better between the two of you.
I think that the two of you definately need to make a decision, one way or the other. I hate to use this phrase, but "**** or get off the pot" only because its not healthy to live in limbo like this. Also, consider this....he obviously loves you. He wouldn't still be there if he didn't. I honestly don't think that you would be either if you didn't love him.
I wish the both of you the best of luck!
2007-08-28 09:23:38 · answer #1 · answered by I LOVE BEING A MOMMY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound weird to me, but I'm sorry, I know it's difficult for you guys.
A lot of people get in the groove and realize they are really excited about the idea of the relationship (instead of the person and the relationship itself) and the wedding, and get so wrapped up in it, they lose sight of the fact that the relationship has little to do with actually loving the other person anymore.
It's most likely you're having trouble letting go because you probably DO, or at least DID, truly love him, and you've given a lot and spent a lot of time with that person, and you'll always have some feelings for him, even if it's not really love anymore.
2007-08-28 17:32:53 · answer #2 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kudos to you for not going through with a wedding when you have misgivings. Several things could be going on. You may love him, but not passionately or romantically. You could be with him because you're attached and you don't want to be alone. You may be in love but overwhelmed by the committment and responsibility of marriage.
What concerns me is the fact that you said "every time we decided to end it I don't want to let go". That indicates that you have had some problems and uncertainties in the past. A few doubts early in the relationship are perfectly normal, but if they don't go away, you don't need to get married. It's much easier to end the relationship now than after you're married for a few years and miserable.
You should be really excited about the person you're marrying - not only for you but for him. He deserves someone who is thrilled about spending her life with him. If you can't be that person, then do not marry him.
The best thing you could do is make an appointment for the two of you to meet with a professional couselor or therapist. That person could help you get to the bottom of your issues.
All the best.
2007-08-28 17:23:27 · answer #3 · answered by SE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be cold feet , but if your not in love with him then you did the right thing by calling off the wedding. Maybe the reason you don't want to let go is because your affraid of being alone. He's become comfortable so to speak. If thats the case thats not fair to him or yourself. There is no reason why you can't remain close friend with him and do things together as freinds. Good luck
2007-08-28 16:24:36 · answer #4 · answered by Moe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that it is strange to call off the wedding because you are unsure of your feelings, but it sounds like a case of not being able to let go of the comfort that your current relationship offers you.
If you do not love your boyfriend in the way it takes to make a marriage work, then you should let him go so you can both find happiness. This is not easy, but the sooner the better so the healing process can begin.
2007-08-28 16:21:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone gets wedding jitters. Ask yourself whether or not your boyfriend is someone you can imagine living with for the rest of your life & whether you guys will still have things to talk about in 10 years when the initial romance and attraction fades.
It's good that you don't want to rush into this without knowing if it's true love, but don't let anxiety ruin a perfectly good relationship. Think about whether or not you will regret breaking up with him & hopefully you'll find your answers.
Good luck!
2007-08-28 16:20:28 · answer #6 · answered by mademoiselle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. If you don't feel that you love him, it's better to call off the wedding rather than go through a divorce later on down the line or worse yet, have children if you don't love your boyfriend anymore.
2007-08-28 16:52:40 · answer #7 · answered by Emily 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cold feet is one thing but on the other hand do you have any serious reservations about your fiance? Are there some things you are thinking you might get used to but in fact really is a deal breaker? Ask yourself if you can imagine your life without your bf? If you can, cut him loose. Its always easier to stick with what you know, but it doesn't make it right.
I dated a guy for 4 years and he knew he wanted to marry me I thought I'd change my mind and be more excited about marrying after really getting to know him. Then one day I asked myself if I'd still be young enough to find someone new after I got a divorce. That was my sign and I ended it with him.
Good luck.
2007-08-28 17:59:04 · answer #8 · answered by Brynn S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes its normal. I just did the same thing. I was supposed to be getting married This June that just passed, but I called it off to. I didn't think I was truly in love with him anymore. I think it was more the excitement of getting married more so then the fact of who I was marrying. But reality set in quickly. I didnt want to let him go either but I think its b/c we had been thogether so long its kinda hard to let go. It all you;ve known for the last 4 years. But if you truly dont think your ready DONT do it. and dont let others persuade in to it, They dont have to live your life you do.~ better a broken engangment today, then a broken home tommorow.
2007-08-28 16:28:45 · answer #9 · answered by Shampaine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If after four years you dont know with all of your heart that he is the one for you.....then maybe he isnt.
I think you need to either marry this poor guy or let him go. You cant keep stringing him along like this. He must love you or he would of left by now....If you cant commit to him, do the decent thing and move on. You must be breaking his heart.
2007-08-28 16:21:19 · answer #10 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋