I have to make a very serious life altering decision, can you help me?

Question

I want to join the Army for 4 years active duty as an Indirect Fire Infantryman(11C).I'm not scared to get sent to Iraq.
I want to become a soldier, & soldiers fight in wars.But my mom doesn't support my decision to enlist at all.My older brother committed suicide when I was 9, he was 19.And my dad died when I was 13. And she is worried about my safety if I join the Army. She told me, that she doesn't want to lose another man in her life. And my grandma doesn't want me to enlist, & she is probably going to die soon.She is 84, & has a very weak heart. I've already talked to a recruiter about my situation. And he told me that the Army probably wouldn't let me come home to my grandma's funeral.If she died while I was in bootcamp, or serving active duty.I want to go to her funeral. But I don't know how my mom is going to handle her death. She might be very upset, & want me to stay home. Do you think I should wait to enlist until after my grandma dies?
Serious answers only please.

Answer 1

If you always wait for others to make decisions that directly effect your life then your life will pass you by without you even noticing.

Blunt and honest.

Joining the military is no joke, and is a serious commitment. You may worry about your loved ones but at the end of the day you have to do what you feel is best for you. I didn't tell anyone in my family about my decision to enlist, until about 1 week before I deped (swore) in. They all had mixed reactions about it but in the end it was my decision, as it is yours as well.

Your grandma may live another 3 days or another 3 years, stranger things happen.

and statistically you still have a better chance to be injured and or killed by a drunk driver in the US then die in Iraq.


MIE do you know how to answer a question? this is coming from a lifetime registered democrat.

Answer 2

Enlisting in the military is just that, a life altering decision.

It's also your decision.

Your mom is going to lose you eventually. You're an adult now, and are going to have to survive on your own eventually. It's good that you're good to your mom, and you should visit her and call her as often as you can as an adult. But whether or not you join the military, expecting you to stay home forever is not fair to you at all.

What's going to happen when you meet someone else and want to get married and share your life with them?

Your recruiter was right about your Grandmother, though. Even though you accrue military leave and have to be allowed to use a certain amount of days (you aren't allowed to have more than 60 leave days saved up past September), some chains of command are slow when it comes to running leave chits. And you definitely wouldn't be allowed to leave basic training.

If you decide the military is right for you, ask your recruiter about the Delayed Entry Program. In some branches, you can even earn some rank before entering basic training through DEP. That will give you time to be by your Grandmother's side, and give your mother time to come to terms with the fact that she's done her job as a mother well and you've reached adulthood.

Edit: MIE, I've got to echo what M D said; whatever your cause, you are doing it a terrible injustice by soapboxing and spamming up someone's question. If anything, you've just convinced thousands of people never to visit the link you posted. Way to go.

If you really felt like it was necessary to direct traffic to a website, put a single hyperlink in after where it says "Know your source? List it here". I'll even provide an example

Answer 3

The decision has to be yours but if your mother died and, from a personal standpoint, a grandparent the military typically authorizes what is called emergency leave that is verified through the Red Cross. It is not guaranteed for a grandparent but in most situations I know of it has been granted. In boot camp would be a little trickier but I know it has been done-you basically have to re-start your boot camp training at a point prior to you leaving. Your recruiter is actually telling you a worst case scenario with your grandmother-it is not guaranteed but would most likely be granted. If your mother does not handle it well and a doctor or the Red Cross verifies that your presence is necessary then it would be granted as emergency leave. If the situation developed and your mother just couldn't cope period after her death you could request a transfer to a nearby base or discharge for hardship but again no guarantees on that being approved. I know this is not a lot of help but wanted to clear up the you wouldn't be allowed too.
The bigger question might be how long do you wait? Even with a weak heart your grandmother might live for many more years and can you or do you want to put your life on hold until that happens.

Answer 4

well my brother is a Marine. he is on a ship right now in near Iraq. my gramps just died and he couldnt come home. The chances of you coming home for your grams funeral is very slim maybe a .2% chance at that. i think that you should do whatever you want. when my brother joined the military it was the best thing that could happen for him. he didnt know what he wanted to do expect something good in his life. he is now really happy and everyone was so proud of him. Your mom might get over this. also i wouldnt just wait for your grandmom to die that is awful. my gramps had not even 25% of his heart left and he lived for 6 years with deteriting long (died at 82) So your grandmom has lived her life (i no thats awful but true) do what you want and i bet your mom would get over. It sounds like you have had a hard life and tell your mom that you want to do something that would make you happy and tell her that you want her to approve of your choice and try to talk to your grandmom to. the best thing you could do would be to pray to God or whoever you believe in asking for help (ever if you have never been strong in your religion just try it)

Its a hard choice and i hope that you decide to do what would make you happy.

Answer 5

Wow, that's a tough one. I can't give you a yes or no, but I do think you should look at the "long term" now. If you are the only child now, do you really want to risk having something bad happen if/when you go to Iraq? What would happen to your Mom and rest of your family then?

Do you want to make a career in the Army, or are you just doing it to get money for college? Remember, there are plenty of other ways to get money for college (scholarships, grants, loans, etc).

If you are still really set on the military for just four years, maybe consider the Navy or Air Force. You are still serving (and getting college money if that's what you want) but there's not as much risk to the long term status of your family. Good luck, that's a tough decision.

Answer 6

#1 I loved Heavy Mortars 11C. It was the best job I had.
#2 You have some personal Problems there that could really become a booger for you. I was sent straight home when my grandfather died but that was long before you were born. It sounds like your Recruiter winged that answer i would get it from someone in authority. Granny could hang on for years and years.
Good luck with that.

Answer 7

enlist...if your mother takes it too hard when your grandma dies, you can apply for a hardship discharge to go home and be with her since she doesnt have anyone else. however, that takes time to process and stuff and you more than likely wont be able to go to the funeral, unless of course you are not deployed and you have a nice supervisor who decides to let you use chargeable leave (my husband did this) if you are deployed however there is no way unless you can prove that your grandmother raised you and was your legal guardian.it has to be a first degree relative (parent, sibling, spouse, or child) in order to get you sent home for a funeral.

Answer 8

i can only offer you an opinion of what i would do if in your shoes. i am very close with my family & if i knew i only had a limited time to spend with a loved one then i would postpone my decision to enlist so that i could spend as much time with my family as possible. ultimately this is a decision you have to make on your own... and sometimes you have to make choices that no one else is going to understand or like. the important thing is to put plenty of thought into that decsion so that you don't look back and wish you'd chosen differently.

Answer 9

I'm very happy that I decided to enlist and serve my time in the military, it is something that I will always be proud of. You need to do what is best for you, and your mother. I certainly would not look down on you if you decided not to enlist. You certainly have a better reason than alot of folks. If you don't enlist then find your niche in society that you can help your community or country

Answer 10

You may not be scared now, but that doen't mean that will be when people start shooting at you. It is still good that you want to join, but I may see a problem. If you are the last male in your blood line they may not let you go. Like in Saving Pvt. Ryan after his brother died he had to be taken home to keep the blood line alive.