Ok my friend and I are seniors this year in highschool.She started dating this guy near the end of the school year last year.One time she told me she didn't know if she wanted to continue being with him because he act different around her when their alone and normal when their with other people, I asked her "how is that?" but she ignored my question and moved on to another subject.She also tells me day after day how he says "you shouldn't wear that, you should wear this, I don't like it when you wear this or that" and he's extremely jealous.Onetime a guy friend of mine told me how he walked up to her and asked her if she saw me, and her boyfriend gave him a mean look, and onetime we were on the bus and this guy across from my friend and I asked if we liked his hat and her boyfriend gave him a mean look.The guy noticed the vibe and said "I'm just showing them my hat no need to get mad."And yesterday she tells me how he calls her possesive...
2007-08-28 08:52:36 · 23 answers · asked by @ _ease_wit_lyfe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
and today tells me how he talks about his ex badly and says she was possesive.Is my friend getting herself into an abusive relationship?and If so should I tell her how I feel?
2007-08-28 08:54:25 · update #1
I think you should tell her how you feel yes, especially if she's one of your closer friends. She should be able to understand if she's a good friend, because this concerns her, and has no benefit for you really, besides helping a friend.
2007-08-28 08:57:46 · answer #1 · answered by Cyndee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think telling your friend is the best thing to do. If you keep your feelings to yourself, then you may be making her relationship worse. If you tell her, she might realize that she is doing something wrong & change her mind about this guy.
It's not my personal buisness & I don't actually know these people in real life, but from what you told me, there is a possibility that your friend is in an abusive relationship. If she wouldn't explain how he treated her when they're alone, then that just might be a sign.
Jealosy is also a key point to an abusive relationship, as well as possesiveness. And if HE calls HER possesive, then whoa... From what I've heard so far from you, HE's the one who's being the possesive one (and is also VERY easy to get jealous - which is not good at all)! Maybe he's just that jealous & possesive because he thinks he might lose her, but I'm still not too sure about that.
Just tell your friend that she should have a talk to her boyfriend, & have her explain to him how she honestly feels about him. From what you said about her constantly complaining about him & the things he does, it sounds like she's getting somewhat sick of him. If she's too scared to break up with him, have her talk to a guidance councellor or someone who will help her in that area.
Good luck,
-Jen :)
2007-08-28 09:07:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is a strong sign that she is fallen into an abusive one and he controlling everything that she do and wear. By blaming her to be possessive is more than his behavior, this is he way over power her mental. She knows what is going on between the two of them, don't be fool by it. Why did she change the subject? She was to ashamed to said something about it and he might have treating her as well. That is why his ex girlfriend left him of his jealous behavior. Pull her aside and tell her that you're aware what is going on and she need to speak up for herself and not let this kind of guy control her this way. no relationship should be like this ....period! break it off now while she can!!!!
2007-08-28 09:06:58 · answer #3 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do talk to her, she will probably deny it or think you are jealous, or that you are trying to detroy the relationship. This is such a hard situation because you want to save her, but showing concern may make her lash out against you.
Sometimes people have to figure things out the hard way. If she comments on something he has done, you can say, "well, please take care of your self" or " that isn't very helpful or nice", but then stop. If you tell her that she is making a big mistake, she will explode on you. Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth.
I would hope she has an adult that could help her get through this. Someone she can lean on for support.
Remember, you have to take care of yourself as well.
2007-08-28 09:02:13 · answer #4 · answered by lefttheroom222 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I think that this could be a start to a abusive relationship. You should tell your friend how you feel, but remember most likely she will continue to see him. I say just be there for your friend, because at the end she will need a good friend
2007-08-28 09:00:26 · answer #5 · answered by charlie brown 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It kind of sounds like it could be. You could try talking to her about what you see, but you have to watch out that she doesn't turn it around on you. Do you know what i mean? Make sure that she knows you'll be there not matter what but you care about her and this is what you see happening. If some one cares about you they trust you, they don't tell you what to wear or who to converse with. Chances are he's very insecure with him self and thats why he's telling her she's possesive when in fact its him. Good luck.
2007-08-28 09:04:44 · answer #6 · answered by Moe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she is in an abusive relationship already. Only emotional, so far (as far as you know anyway), but it's a slippery slope. Tell her you are concerned for her and that you are there if she needs you. If it gets worse, talk to her parents. She might get upset but you do what you need to do to keep her out of an abusive relationship. She'll thank you later.
2007-08-28 08:59:16 · answer #7 · answered by Shelley L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes she is getting into an abusive relationship. Tell her your concerns gently, stressing you love her a lot and just care about her. She doesn't want to feel attacked by you--as if she can't choose a good man for herself. She's going to need you now more than ever.
2007-08-28 08:57:54 · answer #8 · answered by Mandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES and YES!!!! do not wait for more info...this is not a good sign at all. All the time people will say how nice this guy is and all the while they are abusing the wife/gf and/or kids! Be a friend and say something today!
2007-08-28 08:59:15 · answer #9 · answered by kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quite possibly. Sounds like he may have control issues which could be a type of abuse. You should express your concerns, but she may not be willing to listen. If she doesn't, just know that you did the right thing and hope that she sees the truth in her own time.
2007-08-28 09:00:48 · answer #10 · answered by pitterpat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋