Mom and Me?

Question

Okay, my parents have already said my boyfriend came come down. But I wanted to tell you what my mom think.

Family and me never had good communication. I am 16, and I want to date. I think it will be good for me, but I had to like someone that lives 1,000 miles away. He is 18 and in college now. We get along great, and I have been talking to him for 3 months now. Parents agreed to let him come down for Thanksgiving.

My mom says that we can't love each other, and what we have is fake. She calls me inexperienced in love and dating. She does not trust my decisions. She wants me to wait until I am 18 to date.

I wanna date and I can make good decisions. I make mistakes but I learn what I can from them. I really can't stop liking him and I don't think he is a predator.

Sorry it is so long....

Sorry...What do you think, listen to mom, and forget him. Date him. Ever been in this situation before?....things like that, like the ones that already posted an answer.

Thanks

Answer 1

he is too old for you, date someone your own age and someone who lives a car drive or bus trip away not a plane ride away - a 18 year old dude only wants one thing from you, guess what it is?

Answer 2

It's growing pains, pure and simple. You are, most naturally, wanting to date and you should be able to do that within reason. You mom, most naturally, wants you to wait because she knows that anyone at the age of 16 will "fall in love" many times over before they mature and know who and what they want. This is a mother/daughter thing and it's been going on since the beginning of time. Of course you're inexperienced in love and dating! Where would you get the experience from if you didn't start dating and have 'puppy love' feelings. I'm so glad you put in that last sentence about good decisions and learning from them if you've made a mistake. That's a very mature attitude and it should do your mom good to know you feel that way. No one is born into this world with knowledge of life, love or the pursuit of happiness. All we can do is make the mistakes, learn from them and move on. I'm glad he's coming to visit for Thanksgiving. I hope your mom & dad like him! Good luck.

Answer 3

Well you AND you mom are right on a few things here.
Your mom is right about you being inexperienced, & what you think is love likely isn't even close to the real thing.

You are right that at 16 you should be experiencing DATING.
However what you call DATING sounds more to me like you are carrying on a long distance relationship, NOT DATING!!!!

In order for you to gain HEALTHY experience dating, you need to be accepting dates from a wide range of boys IN YOUR OWN COMMUNITY. You will go on 2nd dates (or more) with the boys that are fun, & turning down 2nd dates with boys that aren't so much fun.

Your mom is also right to not trust many of your decisions in areas where you have so little experience. If you were making healthier decisions then you would put some faith in your moms maturity & experience & accept more of her advice. It may not seem this way at the present to you but parents don't give you this kind of advice because they want to spoil all of your fun. In fact it's quite the opposite. I am sure your mom wants you to enjoy this time in your life for all that it is worth, but in a safe & healthy way so that you can look back on it without any regrets.

I also think you are right on another point. You and your mom don't communicate very well. Try getting more practice at that. Remove the anger from the conversation when you talk with her. It's easier if you remember everything she says to you comes from love, not an effort to ruin your life.
You say your mom doesn't want you dating until you are 18.
Well I can't speak for your mom verbatim, but I'll bet that what she really means is that she doesn't want you to tie yourself down in a long-term relationship with a boy (especially an older one who lives 1,000 miles away). See if you can calmly clear that one up with her 1st. I'll bet that she would accept you going on a few light dates with boys in your community at 16 if you put this relationship with the boy in college on hold for awhile.
If you want her to believe that you really can make good decisions then you will have to show her by your actions, not just by saying so in a loud voice. :-)

Answer 4

It sounds like your mother had some really bad experiences as a teenager with this whole dating thing, and is projecting these experience onto you. I am assuming that you have done nothing to disprove their trust thus far (got arrested, ran away, so on)
Your mother is obviously inexperienced in child rearing, and I do not trust her decisions. Had she any idea what she is doing, she would realize that the way she is handling the situation, you're probably going to go wild at the first glimpse of adult freedom.
I feel a suggestion of family therapy may be in order.

Answer 5

Is this some guy you met over the internet? Because I would not allow my 16 year old daughter to date a boy she met via the internet.

And you've been talking to him for only 3 months? So this is a guy you met at the beginning of summer, possibly over the internet, who is in college? That sounds really suspicious.

And at 16 you are inexperienced in love and dating. And to say you "can't stop liking him" is completely ridiculous.

I think you should try dating someone your own age.

Answer 6

My mom wants me to wait till I'm 19 to date and right NOW there's a guy who I think likes me, but I'm afraid that she'll find out and I'll get in trouble (I LOVE HIM) lol I don't know him that well but he makes me feel good and loving life (I guess that's what your experiencing too since we're the same age.)

Your mom is just being over protective and she's afraid that he might want to have sex with you since he's 18 (a man's sexual prime). And since he's so far away and your not sure weather or not he's with someone else that could pose a problem.

I think if you love him, then you should stay with him, as long as he treats you like the princess you are. GL
(im me if you want more info)

Answer 7

Tell your mom how you feel. Tell her you may be making a mistake but that you have to find out on your own. Did her mom do her that way when she dated your dad? Start the communication process and see how it will develope. You don't have a family and not have communication. Start telling her little things you do to start a conversation, and ask her some questions to get her started on a conversation. Ask her if its OK if he comes over and you watch a movie with them or if you all can go out and eat. It will be a start. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

well you should tell your mom not to pass judgement too quickly, and also give her this. most people think that people should start dating before they are 18 so that their parents can watch over them as they are learning and so that in their first year of dating, which is also the most vulnerable, they can help keep them from getting hurt and also protect them somewhat.
your mom is probably afraid in some ways about her little girl growing up, and maybe you shouldn't say that you love him around your mom. if you just say that you really really like him instead of love, your mom may like that better.

Answer 9

Ah, the classic parental cock-block, so to speak. Okay, honey, here's the deal:

Your mother has a problem with the fact she thinks you can't make your own decisions about your life because that would mean that she is relieved of the responsibility of knowing what is right for you. It scares her that you might have to decide what is best for you and you make a poor decision.

It is a nasty postition, but very common. I am still trying to get my parents to realize that, yes, I am 20 years old and at that age my oldest sister (who is now 31) was in Europe by herself and I won't be allowed to take subways alone. I think it is going to take you proving to them that you are responsible enough to make your own decisions and that your getting to an age where you will have to make them on your own. Introduce him to your parents, have them get to know him, pipe up about his greater traits, ambitions, and goals. The more they approve of him, the more they approve of your ability to make decisions on your own.

Best of luck!

Answer 10

if your mom is saying that then why is she letting this guy come to visit you? i think 16 is a good age to start dating, better to get experience then than going into college without it... but they are your parents and until you are 18 what they say goes... unless of course you move out on your own.

Answer 11

You are not too young to date, but I would recommend dating in a group... Like church youth group activities, or going with another couple. Guys have a tendency to assume they'll get sex. It's easier for you to control that in a safer situation. If he won't date you on your terms, then he is dating to get what he can and doesn't really care about you. My opinion. Beware little one.....