So it really bothered me because she was suppose to be in the wedding. She is not happy at all instead she went into a drinking depression. I feel bad for here. I don't know what to do? Can you give me some advice. Now she says she didn't call because she was drunk and didn't want to bother me on the day, but everyone else called asked how it happened and what does the ring look like?
2007-08-28 06:35:36 · 21 answers · asked by Kelsy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
She got the text, she said congras. But everyone else called back.
2007-08-28 06:57:37 · update #1
She was already depressed that day so didn't want to brag texting was the only way.
2007-08-28 06:58:15 · update #2
She is so jealous she will ruin the wedding, one time she said you can do better than him.
2007-08-28 06:59:32 · update #3
I did sent out a mass e-mail but I talked to her earlier in the day before it happened and she sounded depressed so did not want to make her worse, plus she told me she was true drunk to call anyways and was having a rough time with the news. She said she didn't think she was suppose to call.
2007-08-29 04:30:53 · update #4
During the engagement period, especially the first 24 hours after it happens, we all expect everyone to be happy for us. Sometimes the ones you thought were the closest turn out to be the farthest away from us. You have to remember that this is your wedding and your future.
Your friends may have their own issues that may look as if they are rejecting your excitement but in reality they may just be exuding some deep hurt or secret, that was probably set off by the news of your engagement, that may or may not have anything to do with you at all. A lot of people have bittersweet moments when others have something good happen to them. A flood of thoughts occur making them question where they are in life and love.
Depending on how close you are, talk to your friend and see if you can help her come to terms. This way you can also find out if you have missed some important detail about your new relationship or if it is just your friend needing you. Also see if you can encourage her not to drink when depressed as it could lead to a host of other problems if it has not already.
Be tactful and supportive and most importantly be understanding. If the weight of your friend threatens to pull you down, analyze your relationship and see if it is worth it's weight.
Lastly, be strong, whatever decision you make about the incident and/ or issue, make sure you take a definitive stand and do not be wishy washy....then get back to the excitement of your day!
2007-09-03 03:59:43 · answer #1 · answered by she_ba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she needs a friend to talk to. It is not your fault that she is going through this. You may not have noticed it leading up to this and she may feel out of place with you now that you are engaged. I would go to her house, pick her up and take her out for the day. Make it a day about 2 friends -not a wedding. Also, just kind of observe her and see if you think she needs help. If so, come back and post a question like"I think my friend is an alcoholic, what should I do?" I am sure many have been through that situation and would have some great advice. Don't keep her away from the wedding plans either, let her be as involved as she wants to be, all that activity will help bring her out of the depression. Be a good friend-just don't forget her or give up on her. Good luck!
2007-08-28 13:50:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Especially because she is a bridesmaid, she probably got depressed. Being a bridesmaid is a great and wonderful thing but it also reminds your bridemaids that they are just that "maids". So she probably did get depressed and although it hurt your feeligns that she didnt call right away im sure its not because she isnt happy for you. As long as she has come around and is supportive I would let her off the hook.
And its not as though you called or said anything formally, you sent her a text, so she very well could have been out drinking and/or thought that you were at a place that it wouldnt be appropriate to call you back right away. I know if somebody send me a text message I think that it's because they cant call but wanted to tell me something.
2007-08-28 14:01:05 · answer #3 · answered by Pretty Blues 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the case of your forgetting the 99 friends who called you back and said nice things and placing all of your attention on the one friend who reacted negatively. How easy to forget the good news and focus on the one bad reaction. Your friend has a very serious problem and it is not related to your engagement. This is probably not the first time that your friend went into a drinking depression either. Your friend has been drinking for a while and she needs professional help to cope with her problem. Your engagement has NOTHING to do with her drinking problem. Your good news is still good news. Congratulations and best wishes! When a person has a substance abuse problem, such as you say your friend reacted to your good news by going into a drinking depression, you can not help her. Only a trained counselor can help your friend with a 12 step counseling program. They are free in your community. Try to realize that your friend is the one with a medical condition and that your friend is the only one who must admit to herself that there is a problem. There are support organizations in your state that have professionals where she can go to for help. If your friend doesn't go (there will be a LOT OF RESISTANCE HERE) take her or go yourself to the free meetings. You can look up the local Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in your telephone book. Call your state's department of human resources for a list of places. Call your county hospital and get the list of places where you can take your friend. If she doesn't go to the meeting, you may receive support information to help you resolve your friendship issues with her. Your friend can not be your friend in the way that you would like for her to be your friend at this time. It is understandable that you are really bothered by her drinking depression and her not being happy at all about your engagement. There is a message here. Count your blessings that 99 people are happy with you. Be nice to your friend and share this advice. Then be nice to yourself and continue to enjoy your blessings! Congratulations on your engagement. You have a wedding to plan, get busy!
2007-08-28 14:15:38 · answer #4 · answered by W M 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK, first of all, stop right there. You are "really bothered" by this friend of yours because she had the audacity to get drunk and depressed instead of gush over your ring and your good fortune? I agree that she could have at least congratulated you, regardless of what's going on in her personal life, and that it was sort of tacky of her to turn your good news into her misfortune; however, I have been on both sides of this issue, so I think I can help you understand your friend's actions better.
Once, a long long time ago, I got engaged to a guy I had been dating for only three months at the time. He surprised me with a ring and a proposal, and I already was nuts about him, so I said yes. Despite the suddenness of it all, most of my friends were so excited to hear the news...except one. Her classic response to my news was: "Oh, uh huh, well, I'm going to graduate school this fall." I thought-and still do think- that this was a terribly insensitive, not to mention stupid, comment from a girl I thought of as my best friend at the time.
Flash-forward 5 years: I am still with the amazing guy I was nuts about, but we long since called off the engagement because we felt like we were rushing things. We instead moved in together and have been co-habitating for nearly 3 years now. Things are going really great, but the one sore spot between us is that he has yet to re-propose, and it's really awful because everyone who hears how long we've been together makes some stupid comment like, "Well, when is he finally going to marry you???" Makes me feel about THIS small. Anyway, though, a few months ago, a mutual friend of ours up and proposed to a girl he had met 2 weeks (yes, 2 weeks!) prior- they're actually getting married tomorrow. Well, the night I heard about the engagement, I got thoroughly depressed- I mean, what does THIS girl have that makes a guy want to marry her after 14 days, and here I've been for 5 whole years, and NOTHING!! That was my general train of thought, anyway, as I decided to skip their impromptu engagement party and elected instead to go downtown and get drunk with my other friend who is going through a similar thing with her boyfriend. I guess the reason for MY drunken depression was that I felt like everything my BF and I had was worthless in comparison to a silly engagement between two relative strangers, and that all the time we'd spent building up such a great relationship was somehow unworthy of turning into a marriage in the foreseeable future. Of course, now that I've had time to process everything, I know that I'd never trade what I have with my guy for anybody else's relationship, married or otherwise. But that night, when all I could feel was disappointment and pain, what I would have wanted someone to say to me was, "This may or may not be right for them, right now, but we all have our own timetables and there's no 'right' time to get married. You have a guy who loves you very much, even if he's still not ready to get married, and in the end, that's what counts." I think you should basically call your friend and ask her if you can talk- about HER, not about how beautiful and sparkly your ring is, or whether or not she can be your bridesmaid- in fact, NO wedding talk whatsoever right now. Just ask her how she's doing and if there's anything going on in her life that you can help her with. Let her know that just because you're getting married, that doesn't mean she will ever take a back seat in your life. I think that will mean the world to her, and then you can enlist her help in planning the wedding once everything's good between you two again.
2007-08-28 13:59:12 · answer #5 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd be more concerned with her potential drinking and your friendship than anything else...she's probably going through the whole, "my best friend is getting married and i'm not" depression...and while you will of course continue with your wedding plans, you should try to be a good friend to her and not talk about the wedding around her and do girls night w/o your man, etc. Offer for her to be in the wedding, but lay it out there..."i want you to be, but only if you're willing and will be helpful, etc. otherwise, i understand if you don't want to be" and just be honest about it. maybe she really was busy and/or drunk.
2007-09-03 20:01:52 · answer #6 · answered by its about time 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you are a co-dependent and perhaps an
enabler to this girl friend who has a drinking problem, which makes you the blind leading the blind. You are reading into her emotions and feelings, and letting them become yours.
and making too muchof the whole deal of calling, not calling,
etc. etc. Get on with your life and let her take responsibility
for her own actions, until you do thatyou will be no help to her
and her drinking problem.
No matter all else got in touch with you and she didn't, A person such as you describe has a drinking problem all on her own, don't falsely flatter your self it was because of your news. She needs help.
2007-08-31 17:50:11 · answer #7 · answered by jenny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend sounds as though she may have either addiction or depression issues. Her reaction to your good news was not normal or reasonable.
If she has gotten drunk and/or depressed over someone else's good news before, then she has a real problem that you can't solve for her. If this was a one-time reaction purely to your news, then she's got another bad problem that you probably can't solve for her.
Either way, it's up to her to help herself or to ask for help.
Don't hide the hurt, but don't accuse.
And if it starts affecting her day to day life, you might take her aside and express your concerns and suggest that getting help might not be a bad idea.
But you cannot solve her problems for her if she's getting drunk over an engagement announcement.
2007-08-28 14:04:26 · answer #8 · answered by gileswench 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dont let her spoil your enjoyment.
She has other things on her mind and your
engagement probably just made her feel
worse. Not being mean here but getting
engaged is so exciting to you and you cant
wait to tell the world (I would be the same)
but sometimes to other people it just is
incidental.
Just leave her to her sorrow. She might come
around and then want to be in the wedding and
start getting excited.
YOu could try asking her what is wrong. A good
friend would want to know what is making her so
depressed and try to help.
2007-08-28 16:31:24 · answer #9 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should look things with her eyes...it is really hard when you are expecting the love of your life and never appears and when someone comes to tell you she is getting married you go down...=( My best friend got married and ok I got a little depressed but I stopped thinking about myself and went to the wedding anyways. Now she is having a baby and ok I am a bit down too but it is not about her, it is about me that I feel frustrated and alone
I think you should try to see her side and don't be sorry about yourself. Try to understand her and support her in this really hard time of her life. Don't take it personal.
2007-08-28 14:13:13 · answer #10 · answered by C6 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋