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(Warning: If you’re too lazy to read a long question, don’t bother answering. You’d be better off in P&S.)

First state your religion, then please answer the following:
1. Did you or would you use traditional wedding vows? What do you think of the "love, honor, and obey" part of the woman's vow, whereas with the man the word "obey" isn't there?

2. Did you/would you be walked down the aisle with your father, or have you wife walked down with hers? Does the symbolism of this bother you, or do you just write it off as tradition?

3. Along those lines: what do you think about the man asking the woman's father for permission to marry her?

4. When you are pronounced man and wife and introduced as such to the audience, how did you or would you like to be introduced? Examples being: "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith," "John and Jane Smith," etc.

I'm wondering everyone's feelings on wedding traditions, and how (if at all) your religious background influenced your views.

2007-08-28 05:46:43 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture Religion & Spirituality

One of my best friends is getting married and I just got off the phone listening to her rant about those four things for at least an hour straight. Don't worry, I'm still a confirmed life long bachelorette.

2007-08-28 05:51:59 · update #1

39 answers

I'm an atheist.

1. I would use vows that were already written, but there's NO way the word "obey" would be in them. It makes my skin crawl.
2. Well, not with Dad. :) I would like to be walked down by either my brother, mother or one of my uncles.
3. I think it's kind of endearing to ask for permission. I think it's more symbolic and it doesn't carry a lot of weight any more, but it's sweet.
4. I would be OK with being referred to as "Mr & Mrs". I don't look at it as ownership - it further solidifies the partnership. But that's just me.

2007-08-28 06:00:16 · answer #1 · answered by Sookie 6 · 4 0

Atheist/Satanist


1. Did you or would you use traditional wedding vows? What do you think of the "love, honor, and obey" part of the woman's vow, whereas with the man the word "obey" isn't there?

NO!

Love honor and obey.

Love definitely.
Honor is a two way street.

Obey… That is offensive. I would never expect my sweetie to obey me.


2. Did you/would you be walked down the aisle with your father, or have you wife walked down with hers? Does the symbolism of this bother you, or do you just write it off as tradition?

Nope. We had a very, very small civil ceremony.

I’ve not thought about it too much but the idea of the father of the bride giving the bride away seems a tad offensive. The woman in not property!!!!


3. Along those lines: what do you think about the man asking the woman's father for permission to marry her?

That is a silly tradition.

4. When you are pronounced man and wife and introduced as such to the audience, how did you or would you like to be introduced? Examples being: "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith," "John and Jane Smith," etc.

Each person should be introduced fully. The woman’s husband is not the source of her identity.

2007-08-28 05:59:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3 0

1) Married Roman Catholic. We got married at a traditional church ceremony, Catholic Mass and all. I will admit (I think most honest married people will say the same thing) that the whole day was such a blur I do not remember the exact wording of our vows. I do not believe my wife promised to "obey" me.

2) My wife walked down the aisle with her father. I like this tradition. I do not see it as transferring ownership from her father to me.

3) I am very old fashioned. I asked my future father-in-law. As a matter fact, both of her parents were together when I asked. I think this is more or less unnecessary, I did it out of tradition. I was more nervous asking my in-laws than proposing to my wife. My wife and I had talked about getting married, I knew what her answer would be. Maybe I was afraid what my in-laws might say!

4) I honestly do not remember how the priest introduced us. Mr. and Mrs. John Doe is most traditional but a bit sexist. How about Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe?

2007-08-28 06:04:23 · answer #3 · answered by Adoptive Father 6 · 3 0

Ooo a survey. I like surveys. :)
I'm a woman, I'm married, and my "religion" is Christianity, but it's not exactly a religion.. It's more of a relationship or a lifestyle than a religion.


1. Did you or would you use traditional wedding vows? What do you think of the "love, honor, and obey" part of the woman's vow, whereas with the man the word "obey" isn't there?

Yeah we said the traditional vows. I didn't have a problem with "obey", because of the biblical concept: Men were created with a deep need to be respected, and women were created with a deep need to be loved. When the husband loves the wife unconditionally and the wife respects (or "obeys") the husband, both needs are satisfied and both are happier for it. And let's face it. When the man in our life treats us right, we enjoy doing things for him, don't we? I do.


2. Did you/would you be walked down the aisle with your father, or have you wife walked down with hers? Does the symbolism of this bother you, or do you just write it off as tradition?

Ahh, we didn't have a typical wedding.. We didn't even dress up. It was t-shirts & jeans going into the courthouse and 20 minutes later coming out with a judge's signature in hand. lol. So there wasn't even an aisle for me to walk down. But I don't see anything troubling about the father walking the daughter down the aisle. Usually the father is the main man in the woman's life up until the day she gets married. So I see the symbolism as being significant to the father - He's stepping down as the main man because someone else is now taking that place in her life.


3. Along those lines: what do you think about the man asking the woman's father for permission to marry her?

I think it's sweet. My husband asked for my dad's permission and my dad appreciated it as a show of respect. Of course this isn't appropriate in all situations...like if the woman's father is distant. There's nothing in the Bible that says this is the way it has to be, but a father who is close may have a better grasp on the relationship than the man and woman who are in the relationship. He may know better than them whether marriage is a good idea or not.


4. When you are pronounced man and wife and introduced as such to the audience, how did you or would you like to be introduced? Examples being: "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith," "John and Jane Smith," etc.

I don't even remember how we were introduced, and there wasn't really an audience...just 4 people, 2 of them little kids lol. I guess I would prefer "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" since no one really calls women by their husbands' first names anymore.


Just a note.. If you're going into marriage with all kinds of stubbornness and pride, railing against what you see as male superiority and chauvinism, then you're going to have one heck of a miserable marriage. Get rid of all those self-serving ideas and serve your spouse (or future spouse) FIRST. When you've learned how to lay yourself down unconditionally for another, then you're ready for marriage. And by all means, be sure you have a partner who will put forth an honest effort to do you right too. :)

2007-08-28 06:10:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Married, Christian.

I did the traditional wedding vows (both weddings..)
My husband and I do weddings btw, as we are both ordained, and we always ask the bride and groom how they feel about the word obey. We also believe that it is should be used for the man as well as the woman. It is to obey Christ. Not to obey your spouse.

I did have my father walk me down the aisle. (1st wedding)
I had my nephew walk me down the aisle. (2nd wedding).
I did this more for the tradition of growing up, more so than for being "given away". The second time, my nephew stood in for my dad in memorial.

The first time I got married, I was very very young.... My father had to be convinced that I should even be married. I don't think he ever truly was convinced, but gave in....

The second time I was married, dad was gone, so there was no one to ask but me..

We were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. first wedding.
Second wedding... Biker Bob and Vicki ....


I see so many different things in weddings. I am not sure that people really think about the meaning past the tradition.
What influenced my views was my relationship with God. I wish I would have had it on the first wedding...

2007-08-28 06:56:08 · answer #5 · answered by 2ndchhapteracts 5 · 1 0

My wife and I have been married for 34 years. We were married in Scotland. She is a traditional Scot's Presbyterian and I am an American. That's the context for my answers.

1. We *BOTH* did love, honor and obey in traditional vows. The belief that it is not there for women is either an urban myth or a late modification of such vows. In the Church of Scotland obedience is there for both.

2. I asked my future Father-in-law for his permission to propose. Who my wife actually walked down the aisle with was her decision, not mine.

3. See 2 above. Far too many people forget that when you marry, a) don't sweat the small stuff, and b) you get a family along with a life partner. Choose wisely!

4. We were not introduced as such. Personally, that is an affectation that is current fad that I hope goes away. My wife chose to have her maiden name become an additional middle name. That was her choice. Had we decided to live in Europe, she would have chosen to hyphenate her last name.

Again, my experience is to not sweat the small stuff. Names and the like are small stuff. The decision about when, where and how to have children....that's big stuff. Sweat that!

HTH

Charles

2007-08-28 06:02:20 · answer #6 · answered by Charles 6 · 5 0

Unaffiliated Christian

1. We used traditional wedding vows but I honestly don't remember that the word obey was not part of my vows to my wife.

2. Her father walked her down the isle.

3. I did ask her father for permission.

4. We were announced as Mr. and Mrs.

This was 28 years ago and some of this stuff just didn't seem to be an issue at the time.

2007-08-28 05:58:44 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. E 7 · 4 0

Married. Atheist.

1. No traditional vows. There was a mention of love, but not the "o" word.

2. I walked the aisle with my wife. It is just a question of tradition. Since it was a second wedding for both of us, the "give away" thing sounded a little silly.

3. Errr... That is really outdated and downright silly. It might have made sense when the groom was 25 and the bride 15, but in our time and age that seldom happens.

4. My wife kept her maiden name. People refer to us by our names. ( Jenn. X. and Syl. Y)

I don't mind the whole traditional wedding thing, though. Some aspects are tedious (the protocol can get on my nerves) but it can certainly make a pretty wedding.
My first wedding was pretty much traditional, and I kept my second wedding as simple as possible (short ceremony, no protocol, 40 people, ON TO THE DRINKS.)

2007-08-28 05:51:01 · answer #8 · answered by stym 5 · 3 0

I'm a Christian, non-denominational. My then-fiance` is Jewish but was baptized into Christ a couple weeks before our wedding. I'm also very traditional. Yes, our Christian beliefs influenced our views.

1. We used traditional Christian wedding vows. But not many people use "obey" anymore, and our minister doesn't either. Now they mostly say "love, honor, & cherish".

2. My father was honored to walk me down the isle; again - traditional. "Giving me away" to my new husband is also the parents' way of giving their blessing to the marriage (I believe anyway).

3. My husband didn't ask my father first. However, at the time, my husband was much closer to my mom; she was like a second mother to him; and she was in on the planning of it (the proposal) beforehand. But I don't think either way is wrong. It comes down to personal views.

4. I was very proud to take my husband's name and be announced as Mr. & Mrs. (John Smith).

For me personally, I don't like the idea of keeping my maiden name or hyphenating both names, to "maintain my own identity" or whatever reason some women do that. (If it's for professional reason -- they got their doctor's license in that name or something, that's different.) Taking my husband's last name doesn't change who I am. And I knew of a couple who put both their last names together hypenated as each other's. But as I said, I'm traditional.

Am I correct in assuming that your friend and her fiance` don't have the same religion/beliefs/non-beliefs? If that's the case, then I would have hoped they worked out how they're going to handle and respect each other's beliefs before they got to this point.

(#1) is something they have to agree upon between the two of them. (Generally I would think that if one person is religious and the other isn't, unless the other has a major objection, he/she would defer to the religious choices, esp. since that person knew about the religious beliefs when the two decided to get married. But again, that's just me.)
(#2) I would think be up to the bride's choosing. If her groom and/or father are conflicted with her about this, are they justified in their viewpoints or are they just being petty?
(#3) is obviously moot since they are past that point. Whatever happened, everyone should try and move on.
(#4) should be agreed upon between the bride & groom.

While these previously mentioned items aren't earth-shattering, how much are the couple arguing over them? Cuz if they're having this much trouble over wedding details, how do they expect to have a strong, stable marriage and still calmly agree on the really important decisions (finances, beliefs, how to raise the children, etc.). They may need to take a step back and look at the big picture...how important are these details in comparison to the supposed love of their life? Best of luck to you, I assume, a bridesmaid/maid of honor.

2007-08-28 06:49:01 · answer #9 · answered by kaz716 7 · 1 0

I have no religion, didn't then either..

1. We used most of the traditional vows. We were married in a wedding chapel by a reverend to appease my father since it was his money. We altered the part of love honor and obey to just love, honor.

2. My father did walk me down the isle.. i didn't have problem with it at all.

3. I think asking a father permission to marry his daughter is out of respect for the family which my husband did ask.

4. When we were pronounced man and wife the rev. used both our first names along with the last name.

My father is religious that is why I choose to do some of the following... He forked out some money for it so I went with some of his beliefs mixed with some of my husband and my own.

2007-08-28 05:54:30 · answer #10 · answered by Indiana Raven 6 · 2 0

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