Am I being over sensitive?

Question

7 year old just started school on Monday, and when I picked him up the teacher already had a list of complaints! We need to work on keeping our hands to ourselves, and not speaking out of turn, we also need to work on joining the group every once in awhile. It's the first week of school, its first grade! The FIRST day-- he looked so sad, he said he had to turn his card three times and he didnt know why-- I went back in and asked the teacher why and that's what she told me! What am I going to do? I assume its just going to get worse. AM I being oversensitive? I just felt kind of overwhelmed that his teacher had nothing good to say to him, or me on the first day! Already a list of bad things! It just broke my heart to see him so sad and already dreading school this morning.... what to do??

And she has my email-- and has emailed me that Zack has had a hard time this morning. He cried when I told him for the third time to keep his feet on the floor when hes sitting at his desk. I had to ask him to sit by himself away from the class, he couldn't control himself. Did he have a late night last night? I hope we have a better afternoon! .... Are teachers supposed to do this!? His teacher last year was just divine. Granted he's a handful but he's crying on the second day of school? the school has asked that we get through the first week of school to let everyone "settle" before we request transfers.... I don't want to be "that" mom that complains and thinks her child is above the law but come on! We're new in town so I have no idea if people have had problems with this woman before. . .

He's not hitting. He's not violent to other kids. He hit someone in pre k and the kid smacked him back hard enough to knock him off the jungle gym and get pretty banged up-- since then fortunately he has not hit. When she says keeping his hands to himself she said he touches things, and other people when shes talking, or when he's in line. I mean its the first day of first grade-- this is where they learn these things, right?

Mommyoftwo, I'm not blaming his teacher. I do teach him these things-- but like uh well ALL 7 year olds he cannot sit still 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Maybe she says this to all the parents. I'm just saying I thought teachers were supposed to be patient and understanding of the ways of KIDS. They squirm, they lose focus. I'm not attacking her or saying she's a bad person. I'm upset that she emails me constantly over every little slight, and that on the first day without a hi how are you or anything she starts rattling off how "bad" he is while he's standing right there! Thanks for the understanding, and kind words.

Well musicpanther-- I'm so happy for you. I'm glad that YOUR child behaves 100% of the time, and NEVER EVER squirms in his seat or touches something that isnt his. I'm over the moon, really.

Answer 1

I remember first grade as being fun?!?! What happened? My teacher was sunny and smiley and patient. Kids are coming from a kindergarden enviroment where they play and sing all day, teachers need to be patient in 1st grade. I would schedule a meeting with the teacher and the principal at the same time and voice your concerns.

Answer 2

Whether you're being oversensitive or not, he's still going to have to deal with her & her classroom every day (unless you decide to switch, if you can).

What I would do, if it were my son, is sit down with him & commiserate. Remind him that his teacher is a person, too, who might have been overwhelmed on her first day, just like he was. She doesn't know him very well, yet. He doesn't know her very well, yet. But, they're going to have to figure out how to work together for the school year.

Let him know that *you* know he's a good kid & that he knows how to follow the rules & be polite. Remind him that mistakes are for learning. Ask him what he thinks he might have done, not knowing the rules yet and being excited himself, that made the day harder for the teacher (and other classmates and himself). Ask him to figure out ways to remember not to do those things.

Build him up by reminding him that he knows how to do this, how to be polite. And, let him know that, now that he knows what's expected of him, he can easily show the teacher what a great kid he can be!

My son's kindergarten teacher would read the kids 'Alexander's Horrible No Good Very Bad Day' whenever the day was getting out of hand for some of them. It reminded them (and her) that everyone has a bad day, sometimes.

Answer 3

I def think she can take it easy a little. Just talk to him about the things his teacher said and try to work on them. And if he works on them and the teacher is still making up complaints, then I would change teachers. Its his first day so let it play out for at least a week or 2 and if you still dont like her then change it. Also I think its kind of bad when you mentioned that your son said that he didnt know why. If he doesnt know why he had to turn over his card then the teacher didn't properly explain to him what he was doing wrong, so maybe she is a ***** and he needs a new teacher

Answer 4

Wow, this reminds me of my son. My son is 8 in the third grade. Believe it when I say I know where you are coming from. My son from K- 2nd always had a rough start at school. My question for you is this the first time a teacher came to you about his behavior? My son turned over his card so many times that they were calling me at work almost every day. He wouldn’t follow directions, talking out of turn, talking back, not participating in groups and etc. I'm a single mother and I just didn't know what to do. The school wanted to classified him of having ADHD or ADD. So, I took him to a counselor and she said my son didn’t show any sign of ADHD or ADD. Be care because schools are known for classifying boys with these symptoms of ADHD/ADD. Then, the school test him (that EIP I believe that was the name) and he didn't qualify for that either. So, the teacher and I put him on a behavioral chart. If he does some bad such as not join group time or following directions and etc... take something away that he really likes for that day and stand your ground. If you don't this will not work and he will continue to misbehaving.

As it got closer to the end of the school year I saw my son made a change. He made honor roll 3 quarters in a roll. Now, that he is back at school in the 3rd grade and his first day was green and he tells me he is going for the principal honor roll. You did the right thing to ask the teacher what he did wrong. Be sure to let the teacher know that you are involved in everything your son does and you should be inform of his behavior good or bad. So, you can award him for his good behavior. Believe me it works. This year my son told me that he didn’t need the behavioral chart because I will not have anything to worry about. He had set a goal from himself and he said he is going for it. Keep your head up and remind him good things come when you are well behaved. Good luck.

***UPDATE***
Boys at this age are classified with ADHD/ADD and put on pills. Take control of the situtation...I did and you can too.

Answer 5

Is it a small town? I know when we first moved to our little town, my sons teacher somewhat 'outcasted" him because he was 'new". We hadn't grown up here and lived here all our life so we were outsiders. We later found out that the teacher was "old school" and played favorites a lot. We got through the year and she ended up loving my son but the next year when my daughter went it was HORRIBLE!!!! Needless to say my daughter was not one of her favorites and always was put at the "naughty" kids table. The sad thing is my daughter loved her teacher and couldn't understand why she was mean to her. I went to the principal but it didnt help.....as luck would have the teacher ended up getting sick and missing half the year. I am very sorry she got sick but it made things easier for us. Unfortunately I dont have any good advice for you. I think you need to step up to the teacher.....that is your son and she is not being fair. If you don't get anywhere with that go to the principal or over his head, it doesn't hurt to at least exhaust all options before you change schools. I hope it all works out for you and your son.....just make sure you tell him that all teachers aren't like this one, that way he isn't scared to go to school . Its too bad she has to be this way. Good luck to you guys!!:)

Answer 6

Sounds like my son's first grade teacher, right after the complaints she started in on how I should get him medicated for ADHD....

I ignored her and told her to stop calling me and that I wasn't drugging my kid without a proper check up and evaluation.

Good thing I didn't.. my son is not ADHD and never was... he's ODD and that's a whole different bag of chips.

Get your son out of this class now! This woman probably shouldn't be teaching at all, but since she is, he needs to be in a class with a teacher who realizes not all kids are the same.

Answer 7

I dont think you are being over sensitive. If his teacher is making him feel this way already, its going to be a long year. She should try making him feel good about being good and not just focusing on all the negative things. My son had a tetacher like that in Kindergarden and she constantly complained about everything he did. And most of the stuff was so miner. I finally asked her if she wanted me to beat him? She said No, then I said then be a teacher and do your job in teaching him the right behavior and stop complaining to me about every little thing. His day is already miserable in school, he doesnt need it to be miserable at home too by punishing him for such small issues. Just keep telling him that he is a good boy and encourage him to be that way in school.. Good luck!

Answer 8

I think your "all 7" year olds act like this is a very misstated view. Not ALL 7 years old act like that in school. Mine NEVER did. They knew that they'd be in trouble when they got home.

When my son started 2nd grade he hated the teacher and was very upset. By the end of the year he loved her and cried when he found out he'd have a new teacher the following year. He wrote the teacher notes and sent her pictures.

Not all 7 year olds do this, there has to be a circle of communication between you, the child and the teacher. I always asked EVERY day if my son behaved in the class. The teacher always said yes and even thanked me for my concern.

I don't know if your son's teacher is wrong or not. By 7 years old they should know to sit still and listen to people who have authority and the teacher does. I think you should talk more to the teacher and enforce the rules at home too.

Answer 9

Sounds like the teacher might be trying to "nip bad behavior in the bud" - HER definition of bad behavior of course. Your son was probably just excited about starting school. I would definitely tell him that he needs to work on the things that she mentioned and follow the rules about raising your hand, etc. But if the teacher seems to have an "out" for him, a talk with her is definitely in order or maybe transferring him to another class. Sorry to hear all this!

Answer 10

Go ahead and be "that mom". If the other moms see someone else standing up for their kids (and if the kids see it) sometimes it's enough to give the other families courage to do what needs to be done. If your son is being singled out, guaranteed someone else is, too.

I'm trying to let my son's teacher be the teacher, but I think I already ticked her off the first day, so I hope she doesn't take it out on him. You're not alone.