When you have no religion what do you tell a child when someone close to them dies?

Question

Im asking this partially because I have no idea what to tell my 4 and 5 year old sons regarding their uncle who has passed. I cant very well say he went to heaven because they dont know heaven. I dont want to say he went to sleep and didnt wake up because... well if someone told me that at age 5 I would never go back to sleep.. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Wow that's a tough one. I guess the best thing would be to be honest with them about it. Although you don't want to just say he was sick either because they will be fearful when they get sick. I am very sorry for your loss. Even though you don't believe in it I will pray for you and your children.

Answer 2

Tell them the truth. Try to help them remember the good times. Kids are very resilient.

Just to give a frame of reference...

When I was 12, my best friend died in a house fire. People around me were talking about heaven and I felt horrible. The sense of loss was just astounding.

When I was 26, I was Atheist and my mother died of cancer. I miss her, I mourned her, and I love her. But it wasn't as devastating.

The Atheism was much more comforting than anything the religious spewed to me.

Answer 3

Hi Indiana. I don't like discussing mortality dumped on people either. Maybe tell the kids something happened and he isn't with you anymore. Simply, I would omit the fairy tales anyway as it would only confuse them as you likely already know.

Much love. It must be a difficult decision. I'm sure as a thoughtful mother, concerned enough to even inquire, then you already intend what shall appear best.

Answer 4

It's difficult but honesty usually works. Make sure the terms you use are clear and that they understand. You could say that you might explain that their uncle's body wasn't working anymore and the doctors couldn't fix it. Make sure they know it's not something that's lgoing to happen to them. Encourage them to ask questions as then you can clear up confusion.

Children are pretty resiliant - they've probably already seen dead birds and stuff, or have heard about death in stories.

Good luck!

Here are some sites that are useful:
http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/0_how-to-talk-to-your-preschooler-about-death_65688.pc?Ad=com.bc.common.AdInfo%401e45e041

http://ok.essortment.com/childrendeath_rdoo.htm

http://www.hospicenet.org/html/talking.html

Answer 5

Tell them that he has passed onto another world. Tell them when people die they go onto another world for souls. I do not know sweetheart. Try this link and hope it helps.

http://www.hospicenet.org

http://theeasierway.com/resourceDocs/childrenanddeath.htm

I found the above links by searching in my search engine. You can use ayhoo search and find the same links and many more. I am very sorry to hear of your loss, I truely hope that you find a way to expalin this to your children. Good luck.

Answer 6

We told them the truth, that grandma's body stopped working, just like one of their toys, and the doctor's could not fix it.

Then, being agnostic, we talked about what some people believe happens after we die. We also made sure they understood that no one knows for sure what happens after we die. We talked about heaven & reincarnation, mostly. Asked them which one sounds nicer, which one do they hope for.

Then, we celebrated the *life* of the person who we loved. Talked about all of the great things they did. Talked about how much they loved us when they were here & how much we loved them. Talked about how much of a difference that person made in the world while she was here & how much she will be missed.

Then, let them grieve & ask questions & learn & learn to value their lives, every day that they have, that we all have together, while we're here.

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I hope that your family finds joy in remembering his life.

Answer 7

Tell the truth. They have to know one day that life is not eternal. My parents told me, when I was 6, that my grandfather's life was over and he had died. Whilst I missed him at the time I wasn't badly effected by the news. Children understand things far better than adults give them credit for.

Answer 8

Read them the last narnia book where all the pevensie children die. Or read the last chapter and summarize. They are still in the fantasy age so make something up that sounds peaceful and inspires hope.

Answer 9

I just explain the reason of the death, what the cause was, and that the person who had died will no longer be with us.

And when I'm asked, if they went to heaven or hell, I just say, that is not for me to know.

Answer 10

I just read your profile and within that context i think that it would be appropriate to explain to your children that their beloved uncle returned to the earth from whence he came and at some future date you and your sons will gather with other family members and plant a tree in honor of him.