Boyfriends Friends Do Bad Things (cocain, cheating) - Should I be worried?

Question

Should I be concerned? I keep returning to the thought, why does he choose people like this to be in his life? I have always believed who we pick as our friends reflect who we are. One of them cheats on his pregnant girlfriend (they all cheat regularly but this particular one has a pregnant girlfriend and continues to cheat). They abuse not just cocaine but prescription drugs as well. He doesn’t see anything wrong with having these people close to him – in fact he calls them “good people.” These are the people he trusts with his ATM pin. He feels they are good friends because they have been in the past when he has gone through stuff. I look around at my friends and they are all emotionally healthy moral people who use do drugs – they reflect who I am.

I would never ask him not to hang out with them – that’s not the issue (although I cant say I wouldn’t be happy if he traded up). My questions is, should I be concerned that these are the choices he makes in picking friends?

Oh and he does behave differently when he is with them (stays out all night, lies to me about where he is, meets up with x girlfriends). Though my questions here is more about the choices one makes when choosing their friends.

one more side note - my 13 year old daughter told me yesterday that she wasn’t going to be friends with one of the girls at school anymore because she started smoking and she doesn’t want to be around the kinds of kids who smoke. Is this an example of a filter he isint using? Or is this different?

Answer 1

Get away from him. He is not reflecting who you are in life. And no, not all guys cheat, who on earth gave you that idea? Don't settle for less than what you deserve.

Answer 2

Hi, there.

I must say, having read all you have written here, I'm a bit concerned about you. I believe it is okay for your boyfriend to say that these are "good people". I say this because no one is perfect and everybody makes mistakes, and poor judgment choices in their lives. What has me concerned about you is that you say your bf behaves differently when he is with these people. Staying out late, connecting with exes and lying to you? this make me jump to the conclusion that he has no respect for you and may probably be using with his friends and cheating as well. If you don't agree with what he is doing, which you shouldn't, I believe YOU are the one who should probably trade up. You shouldn't have to conform to a relationship in which you're constantly worrying about what may be. In fact I can tell you right now. This relationship shows no sings of being healthy for you anytime soon, or of working out. I'm not by any means saying that your bf is a bad person, but he is definitely not good for you. There's nothing wrong with starting over.

Answer 3

I am going to answer you but you must question your own thoughtas. Why would you want someone that uses cocaine and hangs out with a bunch of bums that cheat on their girlfriends etc. Get rid of him fast he going down a dead end street with no where to turn around so again leave him and find a nice guy that won't abuse alcohol and drugs and above all won't abuse you if not physically mentally.

Answer 4

I say you talk to him about his friend choices, I guy will continue to do the same thing over and over when he isn't told or spoke to about something. He probably doesn't see anything wrong with it and won't until someone tells him. Trust me too, when they hang around a set of people for a while they begin to rub off. They aren't a good crowd of friends. And if you don't want to talk to him, why don't you try and have him go out with you- start to make plans for you to to go on double dates with new people, interest him into a new crowd and trust me the more he hangs with a new crowd that helps him more, he'll start to push them to the side. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Well you know that you can't choose who he's friends with or who he hangs out with, BUT you can choose if you want to be around all that!!!

I would suggest you get out of that relationship & not put your daughter anywhere near that situation, be/c she ditched someone who smokes & she didn't want to be around that person...she was smart & I think you should do the same.

Yes, you should also be concerned...be/c what's to say that if does all these drugs & not gonna stop, be/c when he's around those people who are called "friends"...you know he's gonna want to do it. Same w/ the cheating part. I can't say that he is or isn't, but I can say this...if he's gonna hang out w/ his x's & not with you...that would worry me a lot

Answer 6

I definately would be concerned. Ive seen countless friends hang out with ppl like that and they usually start having the same habits that the ppl they hang with have, it just happens. How do you know hes not out doing the same things?? do you even know him that well? Sorry im not trying to get you paranoid, its just if these are the type of people hes constantly around, its going to rub off on him....if it already hasnt

Answer 7

yes, i think that the people he chooses as friends probably reflects who he is as a person, especially since you say he acts different when he's hanging out with them.. lying to you, staying out all night, all of that. I wouldn't have much trust in him being that you're in a situation that could end up with you being hurt from his actions and believe me, thats no fun.. just be careful and always keep an open eye. ;)

Answer 8

Should you be concerned about what he's doing with his life? Of course, what type of friend would you be if you didn't look out for his well being. Here is one thing I have come to realize about true friends, friends are meant to pull you up not down and to be there for you. If they are good friends, that will hold you accountable for your wrong doings. It sounds to me that they are actually pulling him down and not helping him at all.

So should you be concerned about him doing drugs? If you are trying to be a true friend to him, without question,YES. He is destroying is body and it's his so-called friends that is helping him do so.

So you should without doubt be questioning his decision making about his friends. Also the question that you really need to ask him is what does he want to do with his life. Because if he can't answer that question, his "friends" will help him do nothing if he continues down that path.

Answer 9

You should definitely be worried! Although I have friends that do things that I don't agree with, including some drugs and cheating, etc. it's not ALL of my friends. If all of his friends are this way, chances are he is too and is hiding it from you. Your friends also reflect you. I would especially be concerned that he acts differently with them.

You should get away from the entire situation.

Answer 10

Yes you should. You also have to question yourself why you are with a man that is doing the same thing to you that his friends are doing to their girlfriends. Why are you with someone that is making bad choices,(quilty by association)? I know we all want to give someone the benifit of the doubt, but for the sake of your daughter you need to be alert to what is going around. (your daughter sounds like a very smart person, and has been taught well, now remember what you taught her and follow those guide lines for yourself)

Answer 11

I think you should be sort of worried. Thats becasue if your boyfreinds friends are doing silly syuff, like dealing with drugs then tis obvious that your boyfirend will also be involevd in these sorts of things. Do you actually think he will be just standing there watching his freinds paly with the drugs, and not get involevd hismelf itno the action. Thus, I think that the msot importnat thing is to protect yourself and leave your boyfriend, if he is hanging around with troublemakers.