my boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months. we're both 19 and sophomores in college. he goes to a community college but is planning on transferring to my university next year. we are very serious about each other and we have talked about marriage a lot. i told him that if we do get engaged i would want it to be done once we graduate, but he wants to get engaged once he transfers. although we have a very good relationship and our families like us and everything, isn't dating for less than 2 years before getting engaged really risky? how do i make him understand? i've tried to explain that it's just better to wait but he doesn't agree.
2007-08-28 04:49:29 · 24 answers · asked by beeferonie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
dudette getting engaged is no big deal. you can be engaged for 20 years and then get married if that's what you want! lol
oh yeah my parents got married 3 months after meeting and are still happily married after 32 years!
2007-08-28 04:52:28 · answer #1 · answered by military and veteran advocate 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Personally I think at the age of 19 people aren't ready to get engaged. Though there are always exceptions to every rule.
Just keep in mind that you are very young still, have a lot of expectations with school and graduating yet to come, and then there is always the issue of money.
Weddings big or small are expensive...not to mention all the regular expenses that come out of life after college.. i.e. bills, car payments, rent/mortgage...and an early marriage can go through a lot of strain with all those added pressures.
If you think you two are going to last, there is no harm in waiting on an engagement, you have your whole life for that. Plus if you are asking strangers on Yahoo about getting engaged in the first place, maybe you arent 100% sure you should be either.
Either way good luck!
2007-08-28 11:58:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think it's risky tell him flat out that you won't accept it if he proposes as soon as he transfers. I don't think it's risky but then I'm getting married to a guy I've known for a little over a year, I've known people who married after less than a month and are still together I know people who after five years of courtship where divorced in a little over a year.
Personally, I'd hold off on the engagement if you plan on waiting until you get married, I wouldn't be able to stand being engaged for 2+ years. Compromise with a promise ring.
2007-08-28 11:55:50 · answer #3 · answered by Manny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How you deal with problems is how you might deal with problems in life. I suggest you talk to your famlies or go to premarital counseling. You have to weigh out the advantages with the disadvantages. Is there a trust issue?
Are you scared of being committed. If you are engaged it could be a wonderful thing. You will let others know your love for each other. The relationship will get better or it will get a lot worse because of perceived ideas notions or stress. I am in favor of your engagement. To be honest its not only about the test of time in a relationship (thats VERY important too) its how your relationship is too. If you are secure, mature, loving, knd compassionate, loyal , trust worthy, kind you can almost work through anything. I know people who dated for a few months engaged and been married 20 years so far. It depends on both of u. Remember relationships are compromise BUT you have to have sound reasoning too. Good Luck
2007-08-28 11:58:49 · answer #4 · answered by Robert Miller 95670 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just curious, but what is the hurry in getting engaged if you aren't even planning on getting married until after school? From personal experience, you're only 19....have fun and don't take things so seriously. Just enjoy being together and realize that you are only 19...way too young to get married. You can still be together and have fun though!
2007-08-28 11:53:25 · answer #5 · answered by irin997 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there many ways to tell him but heres sumthing you need to think about is he the right guy for you? does he have good attitude?Do You And your parents think your ready to get married?Can you picture yourself being a mother?Can You Picture yourself like 50 years from your current age?Do you believe youll be a good wife?Do you believe your boyfriend would be honest about everything with you?These Are some questions that you should really become interested in at least trying to look over at ok well i hope you make the correct decision not like the i did having sex without being married
Take care of yourself
Your New Friend the Marriage Counselor Melissa
2007-08-28 11:59:28 · answer #6 · answered by MelissaC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I mean there are two sides to this one...you can get engaged now but I mean its still just like dating just with a ring...you can get married after school and then its a wrap...when two people really love each other and make a connection they should do everything they could to keep the fire burning...not everyone has that chance to find that special someone that was made just for them...and those who do need to cherish them each and everyday!!!
2007-08-28 11:56:09 · answer #7 · answered by Kel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I knew my husband five months before we were engaged (I was barely 21), and we've been married five years. My friends Stan and Julie were engaged three months after they met (both barely 18), and have been married for 27 years. But one of Stan's female friends knew her fiance ten years before they were married, and they divorced after a year.
If you know, you know. If you aren't sure, even ten years later, then you're not ready. It's not about time as much as it is about love, comfort levels, and how you see your future. If you're afraid of people telling you it's too soon, forget about them. But if you're really not sure he's THE ONE just yet, wait. Try not to fit a "formula" for how long you need to date before you're engaged; just go with what you feel.
Marriage, at any time, is risky.
2007-08-28 11:56:59 · answer #8 · answered by kkassner81 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
souns like he is a little bit pushy try to explain to him again that getting engaged is not what you want to do right now maybe after you graduate college then get engaged I have only known my BF/Fiance for about 9 months and a re engaged but this is my second husband so I know what I'm doing this time
2007-08-28 11:54:42 · answer #9 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isnt the whole point of getting married the fact that you guys are going to be together forever? Well if he wants that then boyfriend needs to chill out a bit and learn how to wait.
Also, isn't having your BF propose to you supposed to be a surprise?! lol. Why is it you know about these plans already?
Anywho....good luck!!!
2007-08-28 11:59:53 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Beezy♪ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a good head on your shoulders, I agree with what you say, if he doesn't agree with your point of view on this is a red flag, it sets the stage of what you could be in for later down the line,.........if you do not want to be engaged, give him the ring back and if he gets snotty with you then you know you have done the right thing by taking action. he is already setting the stage for you, he is not listening to what you have to say, just my thought here, wish you the best.
2007-08-28 11:58:58 · answer #11 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋