At What Age Do Parents Who Take The Bible Literally On Using The Rod, Stop Spanking?

Question

I know not all Christians takes Proverbs literally to mean the "rod of discipline" is an actual ROD to hit a child with. But some, like my neighbour actually do.

Now as a mother of three, one in college, one graduating this year and another in Junior High, I know from experience that sometimes a toddler may need a little tap on the wrist from time to time. If anything it is more to get their attention and get them to instantly change behavior when necessary. However, this is a "quick fix" solution because at that age, they cannot reason yet.

What is far harder is getting your child to respect you and learn to trust that you know best, you dictate and their are repercussions for their actions that go beyond just getting spanked. I feel around four-five, they can grasp these things.

If by pre-puberty are STILL hitting your child, harder and with instruments to get them to listen and respect you, something is OBVIOUSLY wrong isn't it?

I know some argue that children need to learn there are consequences for every action. However, as soon as they get big enough and clever enough to avoid being spanked, what do they learn in the end?

Did getting spanked as a kid make you not still go off and do exactly want you really wanted as a teen and young adult?

Did it make you trust your parents more and want to respect and obey them because you trust they know best?

When a kid can reason things out and understand right and wrong and consequences, isn't it time to stop the quick fixes and start the REAL parenting- communication, trust, instilling personal responsibility and self-esteem?

How exactly does spanking do that? Or do you think it hinders it?

Answer 1

I don't believe in spanking.On the other hand my mom and dad who were both alcoholics not only believed in spanking, they believed in tying us to a fence and flat out whipping our asses to the point of welts,blood and an occasional stitch or two.They usually used a six foot horse whip with a six foot string as there rod. I'm not saying I never did anything wrong because God knows I did, but I think the worst thing I got In trouble for was either taking $10.00 out of my mom's purse or I once got caught chewing tabacco and that was at age 14. I'm now 41 and have a 9 year old boy of my own that I have never touched. He always wants to do things with me, he tells his friends he wants to be like me, and if he has a question he usually comes and asks me or his mom. I know I have been blessed with my son, remember though he's only 9 and we realize the more difficult and challenging years are to come. I know though that the three of us will be able to handle anything.Spanking me only made my resentment that much stronger and not talking about why or what I was getting punished for only pushed me farther away. I left home at 16 and never had a good relationship with my parents, I don't want that to happen to my boy.

Answer 2

I can tell you what I have done with my boys... they are ages 5 and 10.

Both boys would get popped on the hand when they needed it, but spankings (2 or 3 pops on the bottom) were reserved for things that were either dangerous, or after the third hand pop was not effective.

My oldest son was "too old" for spankings when he was about 3. I felt that he was too old because popping him would just get me an angry look from him, while grounding him from TV time or giving timeouts evoked crying jags.

My youngest son stopped getting popped around 6 months ago... for the same reasons.

Once they are old enough that they have a grasp of right, wrong, and punishment, it's time to find alternate punishments in my opinion.

I'm not saying this is correct for everyone, or that it will still be what I believe when my boys are teenagers... I'm just telling you how things work for my family, right now.

And by the way, I NEVER needed an "instrument" to hit my child with. A pop they could barely feel was usually enough to get their attention, without having to scar them (mentally and physically).

Answer 3

When the child quits asking for a spanking, it's up to them. they are intelligent creatures, and will learn from their mistakes.
also.. everyone on this planet is held in line by fear of punishment in one way or another, if not from the parents then teachers, police, judges, etc, etc. If not behavior would be very different. Christians believe final judgment.
A spanking is the least of punishment, it is over quick, and far more humane than screaming at a child over and over about the same issues. it's not easy for any parent to spank a child, but a necessary part of parenting. In an emergency you may get but one chance to warn your child, they need to be in the habit of reacting the first time you say something.

Answer 4

I don't know how you were raised but it was quite common to be given lashes with a belt or a switch up until you were bigger than your parents in my youth.
It really isn't just a Christian ideal either .
My daughter is now 15 and has probably been spanked 5 times in her whole life.
I have seen plenty of children while I am out and about that could be well served by the use of the "rod".

I feel certain that you mean my parents or myself no disrespect by assuming something is wrong with people who choose to exercise their rights as parents and choose to use corporal punishment as a form of discipline.

Answer 5

Spanking (or "swatting" as we call it in my family) is an absolutely legitimate way of getting a message across to a young child. It's swift and effective and may work best when coupled with another punishment (such as "no tv" or "time out"). Of course all punishments must be tailored to fit the individual. It's the parent's job to know the child and to figure out what works and what doesn't. Certainly once the child has reached a certain age swatting becomes obsolete, and other punishments that wouldn't ordinarily work on a young child will work quite well on an older child. (Grounding, etc.)

Answer 6

Hi, Im not sure why you think just Christians who take the bible literally are the only ones doing the spanking because that is not true at all, anyway I think it has more to do with how you were raised, I was never spanked when I was younger and I turned out just fine, however my aunt spanked her children but they are just fine too...I personally dont spank my children, I never have and probably never will but that is because that is how I was raised and that is what works best for my family. I would not want to be judged by other people who dont know me as to why I do or do not spank my kids,so I dont want to judge others either. I dont believe that spanking does anything helpful AT ALL when children are very young ( toddlers, ect.) so its hard for me to understand people who choose to spank very young kids, but Im not in thier shoes. Just my opinions : )

Answer 7

This is a generational issue as well as a parenting issue. If someone was raised getting slapped upside the head every time they did something wrong, that's what they'll do when they're parents unless something comes along to break the cycle.

And none of my three ever needed a "tap on the wrist" even. Its all about learning the correct approaches.

Answer 8

I think that parents do the best they can do; all we can do is raise them up the right way, encourage them to follow God and stay in church, go the right way from the wrong way and be the best that they can be. When they stray away it's there choice on the decisions that they make. At judgment day, we will not be able to as parents; take there blames. They'll have to stand alone on their own. It's against the law to beat or hit any child with any source of weapon; I believe in punishment and taking privileges away. God will do the rest...

Answer 9

I think its more appropriate to eliminate the middle man, (ie the rod), and just beat children with the Bible itself. That way, they at least would be given a hint as to the rationale behind the beating.

However, most parents that spank their kids tend to stop when the kid gets big enough that the parent might end up being the one that gets spanked. Physical punishment really only works out well if you are in a position of superiority in regards to physical strength. Consequently, mothers often end up no longer physically punishing their sons before the fathers do. The first time the physical punishment gets turned back on the parent, it tends to stop pretty quickly.

Answer 10

well I did not grow up in a Christian household, but I do believe corporal punishment can be an effective tool in a few cases.

I would say my parents used an object to punish me less than a dozen times in my life, but by the time I was 12 or 13 they no longer did so.

So I would agree, corporal punishment dose not work on a teenager, and more affective methods of punishment are available.

but on a child they work if used sparingly.