My 18 yr old daughter graduated high school, but refuses to get a job, go to school, do anything.?

Question

As a single parent, I have been giving her ultimatums for a few weeks, that if she doesn't at least APPLY for jobs and/or schools, she needs to get out. She's even been disrespectful to the point of laughing at me for being financially responsible for her while she doesn't even say "thank you" for anything. She just sits at home, watches TV, surfs the internet, stack the dishwasher, and occasionally walk the dogs. What do you think I should do?

Answer 1

Without incentives she won't really have a reason to change, so you need to come up with consequences you can enforce. Here are some things I've heard other parents of young adults have had to do.

Sit down and make sure she knows the house rules - looking for work, helping with chores, etc. Then come up with consequences, like:

Disconnect the TV service and the Internet - at least when she is around and you are not.

Don't buy anything but basic food, don't give her money for gas, don't do her laundry.

Put her dirty dishes in a pan, put them in her room.

If you are able, the best thing you can do is give her a deadline where she must have a job and income. Then if she doesn't meet the deadline, put her stuff outside (under a tarp to protect it) and change the locks to your house.

Answer 2

Kick the lazy bum out. the time for ultimatums has past. if she does not want to get a job and respect you then she does not need to be leeching off of your under your roof. let her make it on her own she is an adult. I dont know what the whole situation is but I would say if she has kids that you should allow them to stay maybe go for grandparents rights because it is not their fault. but if not then boot her before she leeches the life out of you just like she is leeching the money out of your wallet. then her choice will either be get a job and earn her keep or live on the streets in homeless shelters or what not. there is no excuse for an 18 year old to be living at home while NOT going to college, NOT working, NOT earning her keep. this is rediculous and I feel bad for you for having to deal with this. Although I will say, and I am sorry to say, that its possibly your fault that she is like this. kids get how they are by how they are raised.

Edit: Quatro while I do agree with you remember also that this is where she lives as well. she probably wants to watch TV or get on the internet as well so shutting them down would be inhibiting her pleasure as well as the bums

Answer 3

Hi, look on my point of view i think u and your daughter does not have a close relationship............ have you ever sitdown with out yelling at each other .... you provably havebeen a good single parent but that doesn't mean u have taking a time to listen to your daughter and ask her what she really want in her life take time to know your daughter well............ she finish high school but provably you never took the time to see what else she want to do if she likes to be in the internet alot give her advise like look daughter if you like to be in the computer do A DEGREE OF IT that way you could get some money and learn how to take responsability..... i'm not telling you to start now how race your daughter but i don't think that you took the time to know really what your daughter want on her life.................... and about doing things in the house and being financially responsible for action i think the best thing you could do is tell her you know u don't want to helped around the house then just cut the cable for a while or the internet and tell her and u do better around the house then i give you what you want don't give her money if she ask neigther tell her get ready i'm taking you to get a job don't just tell her to get a job, take her, look i have alot of friends that feel like their parent don't give them a hand on their life just give a push do things like that u'll c that if you where a single parent for this long don't give up now you done well and you can bit this if you start taking time to know your daughter more good luck and have faith in god he always there with u.

Answer 4

first i think the tail has been wagging the dog too long it sounds like she has no ambition. She needs to have a father figure or someone she can talk to couseling etc. what kind of a future does she have with this kind of an attitude? this attitude didn't arrive over nite it has been cultivated and allowed to fester by you it sounds like she also needs a kick in the *** i would cut off all funds and tell her no job no money from me or you need to get into some classes. Spend some quality time with her, take her to lucnch or a movie and tell her you love her but this cannot and will not go on. something is seriously wrong here she has her whole life ahead of her and she chooses to do nothing? Good luck to you!

Answer 5

Her time is up! It is your house and your rules! Youu say you have been telling her for a few weeks! Make a list of the chores she MUST do, and how often they must be done! Why would you put up with her laughing at you? Dont give her anything unless she says Please and Thank You. Turn a deaf ear on her requests unless she is polite to you and grateful afterwards! You can put a lock on a room or a closet and lock up the TV and the computer when you arent there to control her time! You can specify the amount of jobs she must apply for each day/week and prove to you where she has been! If you have time, take her by the hand to do this. Does she have a car? If so, who's name is it in? If she cant go apply for jobs/school on her own, take her car keys, drive to town and drop her off to start applying for jobs. Tell her you will meet her at home when you get off work, or arrange to pick her up at a certain time at a certain place! You can change the locks on the house! Tell her she cant be there if you arent there! If she wont make an effort- dont make efforts for her! Tell her that. But anything you say youre going to do- do it! She already thinks you arent serious becasue it sounds like you havent followed through! Give her time frames for everything and if she doesnt comply, she either looses privelages like the car, tv, PC, laundry, company over etc, or it is time for her to leave the nest. Every time she doesnt cooperate or is disrespectful, another privelage or item is taken away! If she shapes up, return one privelage or item at a time. Once she gets an item back, if she screws up again take the item away again. Make short term goals. This week you take the TV and PC away! LOCK IT UP! Tell her she must EARN the privelage of their use by being proactive with her life in YOUR house. When you are truly tired of her getting HER way, kick her out! Give her a time frame in which she must have her things packed up and be gone! IF she refuses to comply, pack for her and put in on the porch! If she refuses to come get it, call the local charity to have it picked up! Because she is 18 there could be some legal issues here! BE careful! (Here in AZ, if someone has even spent a night at your home, they are considered residents. Proper 30 eviction notices etc have to be given even to your children! STUPID! And if they get mail at your address thats another clincher!) All this may provoke some anger with her so be prepared! It's going to be about tuff love now! Best Wishes!

Answer 6

I agree with the hard line approach of the other posters, but with this caveat: Parenting does NOT end at 18, while you cut her off from the dole and make her life uncomfortable in your home, also try to help her realize that she needs to take responsibility for her own life. Offer help, but only in positive directions, i.e. money for gas to go to interviews, help her look for her own place, etc. If she is truly a hard core mooch and will not get on board, you have to throw her out, but I'll bet there's an equal chance that under her exterior she is afraid and depressed about her own life.

Answer 7

You should put your foot down. Set a deadline of September 30 to either get a job, go to school, or find a new place to live. Don't do any of her laundry, don't clean her room, don't cook for her, etc. She's not a 2 year old; she'll eat when she gets hungry enough and pick her stuff up when it's dirty enough. Start getting ready for it, too. Tell her you are going to rent her room out and put an ad in the paper, even if it's a bogus one. When September 30 comes, and I'm not joking, put her stuff in the yard.

Answer 8

who is in charge here? think about it?

if your daughter is disrespectful, she's been allowed to live that way before she graduated...

put a password on your computer (one she can't figure out, which has letters AND numbers) so she can't use it at all...

if you have the option of doing the same with your cable TV, then do it. or have it shut off completely, unless you couldn't hack it?

don't give her any money or "help" unless it's constructive, such as helping her with job or school applications....

don't wash her clothes for her either (once she is completely out of clean clothes she wil either have to wear dirty ones or wash them herself). dont' clean up after her...

let her know there will be no help or support from you whatsoever until she decides to go to school or get a job.. and once she gets the job, charge her rent.. or expect her to buy her own groceries, whatever works until she has saved enough to move out... or however you want to deal with this.

put your foot down, and don't lift a finger for her.

take care of YOU too! hugs

Answer 9

if you are too softhearted to kick her out, empty out her room of all of her clothes but one outfit, throw out her everything, except for her mattress and a small box to keep her belongings in. dont let her use your computer or your tv, nothing of yours without your permission and a $20 charge per hour of use, unless she is looking for a job online, dont charge her, but supervise her so you know she is looking for a job. she'll get the message, and once she is accepted into a job and a school, slowly drop the charge and give her things back one at a time. you should also charge $200 a month rent, but where will she have to get that $200?? hmm

Answer 10

Tell her to pack her bags and move - if she refuses, call the police and they will escort her out of your home. You are no longer responsible for her care. As a parent, it is a hard thing to do but remember, you are not helping her doing what you are doing right now - letting her be a bum at your expense. You would help her more by forcing her out of your home and into the real world. It's for her benefit.

Good luck.