hi, im in a relationship with this bloke i met 7 weeks ago. thing is, he loves me loads and wants too much from me tho im not sure i love him the same. i met him as my customer at work in the bookies. we got together and then he wanted me to leave my job in coral as he thinks i flirt with other guys there. hes from cardiff and lives near me in england, he hasnt really any mates here but i have and just feel he wants to be involved in so much in my life . he says he wants me to move in with him, marry, and have kids with him. i dont feel i can do my own thing anymore without him around or trying to advise me. help! i feel ive given up on myself as he takes over my interests and tells me how to use my finances. hes always trying to advise me like he knows best. i dont want to hurt him as he means well but i feel trapped and want my singleness and freedom back. ive not told him how i really feel bout him. i dont think we're suited. am i wrong thinkin like this? please suggest.
2007-08-28 03:19:24 · 44 answers · asked by Lucy R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ok sweetie, if this guy really loves you and wants to have a family with you- he would have patience and respect you as an individual. He's manipulating you and dominating you; he already made you quit your job because you 'flirt'. I mean, don't you think that if he's a control maniac now that you are just going out.... what will happen when you guys are married??? That's even worse. End the relationship because he's hurting you in the way that you aren't satisfied and comfortable with the decisions you are making for YOUR life. Let him find another dominating freak like himself. Live your life the way you want not the way others want you to. You'll regret in the future not getting out to this realtionship as soon as possible. Good luck Lucy!!!
2007-08-28 03:26:27 · answer #1 · answered by Bella Luna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is certainly smothering you. He seems very intense and this will not get any better. He is so desperate for a relationship he is moving at a ridiculous pace. Unless you feel exactly the same get out now, as asking someone to move in, get hitched, and have his kids is far too much to expect from someone in such a short space of time. He wants you to give up your job? After 7 weeks? Tell him to clear off, he has no idea about relationships and has his own very selfish interests at heart. As you say you want your freedom back so you are clearly not the right man for this guy. Hopefully he will find a woman as intense and lonely as he is and will be happy with her, but you must not let this man bully you. Run for the hills so to speak.
2007-08-28 03:29:59 · answer #2 · answered by ross x 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lucy,
One of my best mates, James, and I, have this saying - "The ones who are overly-enthusiastic at the start are the ones you have to watch out for." Every single time for both of us, this has been true.
The first alarm bell is that he wants you to leave work because he thinks you flirt with other guys! Now, imagine what will happen if you do that? He'll have you wrapped around his finger and you'll have given him a free pass to tell you what to do, what to wear, who to talk to and how to live your life.
You are right - you are not suited. Underneath it all, he might be a nice guy, but he has way too many hangups at the moment.
You are not horrible or selfish to want your freedom back.
If things are meant to be with you two, they will be in the future. But not now.
Tell him you feel suffocated and controlled. Christ, Lucy, you are your own person! He definitely wants to own you. He may not even have a sinister motive - he's not necessarily going to be a wife beater or anything like that. But he wants to be with a girlfriend he can OWN, and you sound way to smart for that.
End things now while you still can. You don't want to be like this for the rest of your life.
If he changes in the future and realises his mistakes, maybe then you can consider seeing him again casually on a trial basis. But if he tries to control you again, that's his second chance gone!
xx Emmie
2007-08-28 03:29:15 · answer #3 · answered by Sparklepop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have the right mindset, everyone needs enough space. I kinda got the same thing going with my own girlfriend. We were both really interested in one another, and we both knew that since she goes to boarding school soon, it was just a summer relationship but in the past week I really feel like she's been avoiding me, because for a while now she's just been not very available, but now she won't even return my texts, and I havn't really talked to her for a couple weeks. I think I might have been a little clingy, and although I hope that's not the case, I recognize that everyone needs a little space, because even another girl friend of mine wishes to see her friends and not just her boyfriend all the time. So yea, you are justified in your thinking and I think you should have a serious conversation with this man, before it gets too far.
2007-08-28 03:29:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you like the guy even a little bit tell him now to back off some. But I would suggest doing it in public. He may not like what you have to say and he seems a bit pushy. The next question you would have to face is whether you would still be willing to see him if he backed off some. Be prepared with your answer. Don't let anyone make you feel bad into staying with them though. He does sound a little over the top.
Good Luck
2007-08-28 04:18:18 · answer #5 · answered by katbonikowski 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel bad in this situation. Everyone you meet and date is not going to be right for you and it seems that this guy is definitely not right for you. You have to tell him how you feel because if you sit back and say nothing, he will continuously walk all over you. Some people have strong personalities and even though they mean well, they can be seen as too controlling and overbearing. Those type of people need to be with people who are either like them in some sense or with someone that wants somebody to tell them what to do. You don't seem to fit either one of those profiles so just tell this guy that you want out of the relationship. You two are NOT made for each other.
2007-08-28 03:28:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've known each other for seven weeks and he is already telling you to quit your job, wants you to move in, get married, have kids and has taken over your interests? You say he doesn't have any friends, I wonder why. This guy either has some serious control issues or has some other problem similar to it. If you want someone to gradually take over your entire existence, then stay with him. If you're smart you'll get away as soon as you can. Don't worry about hurting him, be worried about what he might do to you.
2007-08-28 03:26:33 · answer #7 · answered by John D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Communicate.
Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Use what you wrote here as a guide.
Mention that you feel like he is taking over your life and you dont want that.
Tell him that you dont want to hurt him, but things are not going the way you would like them to go for a relationship with him.
If he respects you, he will either try to work it out with you and slow down (if you still want that), or he will move on.
Remember...there are two people in a relationship and right now, you arent getting your fair share.
Good luck.
2007-08-28 03:23:59 · answer #8 · answered by Vol 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This raises some huge red flags. 7 weeks is not enough time to get to know this person. It sounds like he has some serious insecurity issues and could be highly abusive to you, he's all ready upset about the thought of you flirting..., he wants to isolate you and control you and have complete power over you - run fast in the other direction if he will not respect your boundaries of wanting to take things very slowly - I would also insist on some sort of counseling, the guy has issues....
2007-08-28 03:23:30 · answer #9 · answered by wellbeing 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
And your relationship is only 7 weeks old? If I were you I'd get out of there he clearly has insecurity issues and nobody should be telling you what to do with your life, specially giving up your job. I think you already know that the relationship isn't stable and I know I've been there before and believe me it gets worse. Get out now while you still can.
2007-08-28 04:47:58 · answer #10 · answered by linz78 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋