Frustrating 4 yr old?

Question

My 4 yr old daughter was an only child until her sister was born 6 months ago. We've definitely spoiled her with material things, but I always felt that I was pretty tough on her otherwise. Still, she refuses to do anything that she doesn't want to do. She screams at the top of her lungs and tells me that she is not going to to do whatever I'm asking her to do at the time. We've tried rewarding her for good behavior and punishing her for bad behavior in the form of timeouts, loss of toys, going to bed early, etc. I don't believe in capital punishment for my family and will not budge on that issue, but I'm open to any other suggetions. Do other 4 yr olds act like this? What do I do?

The latest episode that triggered this question happened a few minutes ago. We went for a bike ride and she refused to ride her bike. She said she was scared - she's been riding that bike for 2 summers now. I kept encouraging her- telling she was doing great and there was nothing to be scared of. Then she kept refusing, and would just sit there and scream. She wanted to get off and walk the bike, and I told her she wasn't allowed to give up - she had to ride the bike home (we hadn't gone far at all). She wouldn't do it. Just kept screaming. How would you punish?

Unfortunately spell check doesn't pick up on silly grammatical errors. Yes, of course I meant corporal.

Answer 1

You needed to tell her that she is a big girl and if she didn't want to ride her bike that was fine but she had to bring the bike home and put it away. If you were walking your baby in the carraiage then you needed to let her know that you were going on a family walk and if she didn't want to ride the bike she was to hold on to the carriage for safety.

4 it tough, she is treated like a big girl but still has a lot of baby left in her. She isn't ready for reason and logic and it is her job to test you over and over again.

My best advice is to pick and choose your battles. She is not ever going to behave perfectly and shouldn't be expected to, not that you are that isn't what I mean.

She needs alone time, rest time if she doesn't nap, time with just you and time to be a big girl.

Punishing isn't very effective for a 4 yr old but redirecting is in most situations.

I have a 16 yr old and she was tough, but when I took a deep breath and tried to redirect her it usually worked. If you are talking about refusal to put her play dough away you let her know if she doesn't pick it up she can't have it for 4 days. Leave it on the kitchen counter or some place in plain sight and when she asks for it show her on the calendar what day she can use it again and only if she acts like a big girl and puts it away when she is asked too.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I feel your pain. My little boy will be 4 in October and his brother will be born in December. There is no reason to blame yourself for past mistakes with your daughter - we are all human and do the best we can as parents. I also do not believe in spanking and it makes us have to think of creative methods. My son has been going through the - "Im not going to and you cant make me" stage, with is no fun. Anyway, I find that if I stand my ground and make sure that I stick through with the discipline even if it takes hours it really makes a difference. I also do timeouts and I make sure that we talk about it after with most of the talking coming from him so that he doesnt turn into a zombie while I am lecturing. When he is completely out of control crying and screaming, I put him in his room and tell him to let it out and come out when he is done. Sometimes I have to put him back in a couple of times, but it works 99% of the time. It is hard to remember that they are still soo young - the way they act at times is not as sweet as how they look. But I figure a lot of it is testing boundaries and the older they get the harder they will test them and the more creative they will get so the more I stand my ground and make sure that we all know what the boundaries are the easier life will be in a month or so. Good luck with your little girl.

Answer 3

You don't believe in capital punishment? Good -- killing your daughter is NOT the answer. Did you mean you don't believe in corporal punishment, as in spanking? If that's the case, get ready for a long siege because your 4-year-old is already becoming a monster and will only get worse over time. How else do you propose to teach your daughter that YOU are in charge and her behavior is unacceptable when timeouts, loss of privileges, and going to bed early aren't working? You're laboring under the mistake that a 4-year-old has the capacity for reason. She doesn't. She wants what she wants and when she doesn't get it she throws a tantrum and refuses to do what you tell her to do. The fact that she is saying "no" to you (the authority figure) is significant. If this isn't corrected very soon she'll continue to be an unruly child and will probably get kicked out of one school after another. Your daughter has to learn that she is NOT the boss and that there are unpleasant consequences for bad behavior. Be the parent and communicate to her in a language she understands -- physical pain in the form of getting her butt warmed. I don't advocate spanking for every child, but yours is a special case because she's trying to be the boss and everything else you've tried hasn't worked. I know you said you won't budge, but if you don't you might as well start bowing down to your daughter every time you see her because SHE will be in charge.

Answer 4

As an aunt who's taking good care of her 3 year old nephew, i'm able to absolutely understand you. My nephew Ben is each and every so often precisely the comparable. earlier each and every thing i'd loose any desire and get in a sort of conflict with him over something.....then i found the priceless equipment. If he obeys, he gets a factor. He has to attain extra effective than 4 factors an afternoon to have some candies as desolate tract interior the night. If he does not 2 issues take place : first he looses a factor, and then he gets despatched to time-out. attempt to discover something comparable on your niece. ultimately she'll get the cling and start up listening to you. good success Nina P.S. don't get me incorrect, he isn't allowed a candy each and every night...as quickly as this is a candy, the different evening this is a few extra effective cuddles from us, or a caricature collectively as I prepair dinner..

Answer 5

4 year olds like to push the limit. You need to decide on one method of discipline and go from there. Be consistent every time. You can also act very disappointed in her, this is more effective on my 5 and 3 year olds then anything else. They are old enough to understand when I am not proud of them and it breaks there heart. Next time something like this happens, I would pick her up put her in her room and just tell her how upset you are. Tell her you taught her to be a nice little girl and now you are very disappointed.
I t sounds like she might also be trying to get some extra attention, so maybe when daddy is home, just the two of you should go out and do something fun. One on one time is important, make her feel special and tell her how proud of her you are when you go out if she minds her manners.

I know it is frusterating but she will eventually grow out of it.

Answer 6

Well Maggie, the way she acts like this is probably because she is trying to get more attention. my older sister told me when she was 4 and i was just born she thought that i was getting more attention from the parents because i was a baby. so what i think your daughter is trying to do is get attention from you. a good thing i suggest you do is spend some quality time with her, like go camping with her or shopping or anything else that might interest her.
hope that helps :)

Answer 7

Well I'm relieved to hear that you don't believe in capital punishment for your children. While it's sometimes tempting to want to kill them, putting them to death is pretty harsh. I believe you mean "corporal punishment."

It sounds like she is in charge and rules by screaming. I would swat her bottom very hard once or twice and tell her she must do what you tell her to do, that she is the child and you are the parent. However, you don't believe in corporal punishment, so lots of luck with that.