Hygiene Issues? How do I tell him?

Question

I've been with my man for two years and so to say he has some hygiene issues. He showers like once every two weeks but does the little sponge bath every other day. Also he doesn't brush his teeth he just swishes down some mouthwash and calls it a day. He sometimes has a odor but not to bad. He's in his late twenty's so I don't expect that from him. It gets to the point where I don't wanna be intimate with him. How do I tell him this without me hurting his feeling or him feeling embarassed around me?

Answer 1

I would just be honest, you have been with him for two years, so you should be able to talk with him comfortably. I would stop having sex with him, if he asks why tell him then.

Answer 2

Whether it hurts his feelings or not, you should tell him. He will be glad that you did bc I am sure that he doesnt want to go around stinking all of the time. When you both are home, tell him to go take a shower while you do whatever...cook, a load of laundry, something like that. Or you could get him to take a shower with you. Stop buying mouthwash, and only buy toothpaste so that he has only two options. You really need to say something to him about it though so that he will be clean and want to be clean for you. It is in his best interest. It doesnt matter if he is embarrassed or not over it, he should be embarrassed running around stinking all of the time. He has to take care of himself....especially the basic things. Tell him that he needs to bathe daily as well as brush his teeth at least twice a day. If you and he have kids, you definitely do not want them taking after him in that area. Just make him swallow his pride and come right out and say it to him.

Answer 3

Think positive reinforcement. This is a similar problem to when your partner is starting to gain weight, and you want to encourage them to loose it.

So, get in the shower and then call him over and let him lather you up while you lather him up in all the important places. Give him a oral in the shower and then bring it to the bed and show him what you can do. Afterward tell him that that was the best ever (lie if you have to) and tell him how it turns you on when you shower together because the lubrication of the soap etc (not because he smells better). Buy a cologne you both like and make him put it on, and tell him how that smell on top of a freshly showered body makes you dripping wet.

Wrt the tooth brush, do a similar thing.

I guarantee that he will shower with you (or without you) every night and put on the cologne, as long as you are performing your part of the job well enough to convince him that it is worth it.

Answer 4

how have you even been dealing with this for 2 yrs? now anything you say will be very awkward. when my husband and i started dating, he would often have food stuck in his teeth. it was ALL THE TIME. so, early in the relationship i would mention it like it was no big deal. "hey, you have something in your teeth." he would go take care of it. the more i mentioned it, the more aware he became of it and begin checking and maintaining his teeth better on his own. we've been married 4 yrs and he flosses 2x a day and only brushes with a sonic toothbrush. he also mouthwashes. since you've waited so long, it will be really awkward but you can try these things.

1) when he showers, make sure you are very affectionate with him as soon after. from a psychological perspective, he will begin to associate the shower with the affection and will be more inclined to shower more on his own.
2) after he showers, mention how good he smells. really nuzzle up next to him and even comment on how his shampoo has made his hair smell great.
3) when he brushes his teeth, be sure to give him lots of deep, involved kisses.

refrain from all three of these behaviors if he hasn't had a shower or brushed his teeth. on the days when he hasn't brushed or showered, casually nuzzle up to him and say, "oh *disappointed* you smelled so good yesterday." then leave it at that. continue to do this and he will start to modify his behavior without you having to have an awkward conversation.

this is the same as getting anyone or anything to behave as desired. reward good behavior and remove the reward when bad behaviors are performed.

Answer 5

You can try the gift approach, buy lots of smell good shower gels and colognes and deoderants, maybe even a automatic toothbrush. Tell him how much you love the way these smell and anytime you get to feeling turned off by him, just ask if he will go shower with the product you bought for him. Just do it with a smile on your face and let him know that he has a lil something waiting when he gets out of the tub.

You must really love this man though LOL! I would have already bailed.

Answer 6

If you are to the point you don't want to be intimate with him because of it, it's starting to hurt your relationship. You are going to have to break the ice. I really wish I could tell you how to break it to him with out hurting his feelings, but I'm not sure if it's really possible. You've been together for two years, he should be OK with you saying something like that. Offer for him to take a shower with you, what guy could turn that down?! At least it's an incentive for him. If you don't wanna inform him about his breath, get a friend of yours or somebody to just be like "Whew, somebody needs to brush!" in a joking manor. He'll take the hint and you won't get in any trouble. Good luck!

Answer 7

How could you have waited 2 yrs before you decided it bothered you bad enough to say something? I wouldn't have gotten through a week without commenting on such unusal hygenic behavior.

After being together this long there shouldn't be anything the two of you cannot talk about so either address the issue directly, or start dragging him into the shower with you each day. ☺

Answer 8

You have to do it very sensitively. Bring up the conversation of general smells in a small group and mention how weird the smell is of damp clothes, mothballs etc. He probably wouldn't mind if someone said he smelt damp - but BO could really offend. I remember going to the cinema once with a boyfriend wearing a not quite dry wool jumper. It stank - when we realised what the smell was we had a good laugh about it and ended up falling madly in love. At the end of the day if the problem continues and it affects the office the manager is paid to address these issues. Good luck.

Answer 9

Suggest you shower together - that should do the trick! As for the teeth brushing thing, I don't know what to suggest other then honesty! And no, that's not how we are in Europe - we keep up our personal hygiene just like everyone else!

Answer 10

You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change......but there are ways you can make change more appealing.

Next time he wants to kiss you intimately, wrinkle your nose just before or afterward and ask him to brush his teeth, please.
Next time he wants a little luvin', kind of shy away and say he feels 'sticky', would he mind taking a shower for you? (at this point you could even offer to join him).

You are rewarding good behavior, which will make him want to repeat that behavior for the reward. Eventually it becomes habit. Pavlovian response, it's not just for dogs anymore.

GL

Answer 11

Well, from my point of view, if I stink I would want my girlfriend to tell me and she does. Usually tries to tell me in a funny way. But if you want to tip toe around it and want him to shower more often, jump in there with him. If hes a regular guy he would love the idea of hopping in there with the one he loves. Its fun, exciting and gets the "job" done. Then he may associate showering with that and may jump in there on his own!