Why does my 8 year old act so immature compared to other kids her age?

Question

When I am around other 8 yr old girls they seem so much more older than her. She is very hyper and can't sit still for more than 5 minutes and it's driving me crazy! She is falling behind in school now and I can't get her to do homework. I know it sounds like she has adhd but I don't want to put her on medicine without trying to cure this naturally first. Any suggestions on how to get her to stop acting like a 5 year old and buckle down ( I tried time outs and taking things away from her, it didn't work).

Answer 1

I totally agree with you about the medicine, but I think you should take her to a doctor to see if he or she diagnoses her with ADHD.

My son is five and he has ADHD, and we have no intention of putting him on meds for at least several years, if ever.

If you have that diagnosis, and you make it clear you want to try everything possible without putting her on meds, many doctors, and teachers, will work with you, but you have to have made that first step.

Of course, the first and easiest thing to change is diet. For the time being, cut ALL sugar and caffienne out of her diet. In addition to that, cut out all red food dye. This means, any food that is red, pink, purple, orange, etc. by food dye should be removed from her diet. For some reason, red food dye, in particular, can cause or worsen hyperactivity. See if the change in diet makes a difference.

Behavior modification goes a long way, and varies from child to child. What works well for my son is to allow him some kind of busy work during quiet activities in school (he actually learns better that way... sitting and listening to a story, he has no idea what the story was, but if he's working a puzzle while listening, he can recite it word for word after the teacher is done) and offering him a safe, trouble-free way to exert his energy. He has been trained by now to realize when he's reaching a point where he can't stop himself from moving around, and ask to stand for a moment. He stands to the side of the classroom, does ten jumping jacks, and sits back down, and is usually (not always) able to get back down to the task at hand. Basically, that energy just has to come out somehow, and that's a way for him to have control over his energy. There are other behavior modifications you can try; these worked well for us.

If she does have ADHD, time outs won't help her much. Basically, her punishment for not being able to sit still and calm down is to calm down and sit still. If she were capable of that, she wouldn't be in the trouble in the first place.

If I were you, I would arrange a meeting with her teacher, principal, and counselor. Discuss your concerns, tell them you are interested in utilizing every option other than medication. There are behavior modifications, diet changes, routine changes, etc. that can help a kid with mild to moderate behavioral or academic issues. But if you stay in denial about it, you (and the school) won't know what needs to be done differently. Worse, your daughter could grow up thinking there's something WRONG with her and end up with some pretty serious self-esteem and long-term behavioral problems.

Answer 2

I would love to see the answers you come up with! My daughter was diagnosed with adhd (without hyperactivity), depression and anxiety at age 7 a team of psychiatrists and psycholgists. She has been on an antidepressant and add medicine since then. She is 15 now and for all of these years I have thought that she might have Asperger's. The therapist that she is seeing now told me that she thought she had aspergers, but that she doesn't "hand flap" or any other movements, but she does, just not in public. They said she isn't "obsessed with one thing, such as bugs" but she knows every word in every episode of family guy right now. Before family guys it was snooppy movies..etc. By now she has learned to control some of her behaviors and deffinitely knows the right answers to questions regarding how she feels. She is 15 and in my opinon acts like she is an 8-10 year old boy! I don't know where to turn any more. I guess it really doesn't matter, since nothing would really change, except the diagnosis, but still, I wish I knew!

Answer 3

Change her diet to fresh whole foods. Nothing from boxes or cans. Nothing that takes less than 10 minutes to make, nothing from a bag.

Lean fresh meats, veggie and fruits from the produce section, whole grains. NO white bread. No kids cereals. Nothing where the second or third ingredient is sugar or fructose.

Starches are processed in our bodies just like sugar. The perservatives build up like stimulates. So what you end up with is a stimulated child on a constant sugar high.

She's not being disciplined consistantly, and fairly. You play the "mommy says stop," "Cut it our right now or I will put you on time out" "One... Two... three, I MEAN IT, I will punish you!" game. Thats bull crap.

I can also bet she doesnt have a good relationship with her dad, or he doesnt punish her at all, or fairly. Theres something about that that leads to ADD/ADHD and learning issues. i dont know why but ive seen it in every "special needs" kid ive worked with in my nearly 15 years with kids.

Both of you need to be consistent. Teach her how to behave, hold her accountable for that knowledge (expect it from her) and punish her without issue the moment she misbehaves. The same punishment, the same routine every time.

All the time every time.

Answer 4

All children are different and really you shouldn't compare them. That said, you do. Over the years in my classes I have had children who can't sit down, stop talking, shouting 'dinosaur' you name it they do it. But... she'll be the one the teacher likes, and wants to help her. You have to be firm with rewards and sanctions, I find children think if they keep on at me I will change my mind- well I don't. I fulfill punishments and rewards. Have you looked at her diet, is she allergic to some thing- you wouldn't believe what different foods can do to little ones. I can tell you who's had what for breakfast- and if they've had it - and that's just at the morning register. She will grow out of it, and as for homework we have to give it and it generally is not wanted back! Unless the teacher says different. But any good teacher will change the type of learning to suit her, perhaps more play based and gross motor skills based, even in traditional subjects like numeracy and literacy. I hope it helps a little.

Answer 5

good luck , you and she will have to do alot of work to figure out what works for her , and if she is driving you nuts, how does she feel if she cant sit still and she does know she is different from her friends . counseling may help for both of you . i have had to do this with my middle child it took many years to get where we are because time outs , taking away the tv , computer and her fun times with her friends did not work . it is very frustrating process and it takes a long time because there is no magic and no pill to help

Answer 6

Is she your first child? First children tend to not be as mature as successive children...My personal experience there...First, have her allergy tested for food stuff...
Note what she is eating...I hardly ever give my kids chips, etc...Sunday, I gave them Cheetos, and it takes about three days for it to get out of their systems..They have been rotten the last couple of days!! See if your child reacts to stuff like that as well...I know my kids do, and I have experimented with it quite a bit, to make sure that's what it really was...They do not do well on junk food!

Answer 7

Its either because you dont let her; you coddle, baby and do everything for her. either that or it is just the way she is. She will mature w/ time and you could perhaps sign her up for activities that will increase her independence. Also, chores help.

Answer 8

They are all alike. She is just seeking attention from you. You don't give her the attention now. Wait til she is old enough to have a boyfriend. That time on, it will be your turn to be immature too.

Answer 9

change her diet.