My anorexic friend has turned against me and is being really spiteful and i dont know why.?

Question

I have always been pretty unpopular at school and i find it really difficult making friends. A year and a half ago i moved schools and became introduced to a group of friends. I was so happy in life for half a year. I became really close to two of the girls. Last september i started my gcses but apart from that i was still really happy. Then after christmas my closest friend became anorexic. I was devestated. Her looks disapeared and she became really horrible to everyone. But i still stuck with her. Everyday i went to lunch with her and offered encouragement. When she went to hospital i visited her. I tried and tried although it was exhausting to make her understand. Before the beginning of the summer holidays she just abruptly turned against me. She told other girls 'Hattie hates me and i hate Hattie' even though i don't hate her at all. She kept bitching to other girls and was cold and spiteful. I texted her to say happy birthday when it was her birthday a few weeks ago but her repl

y was cold. When she wants to talk to me or say something to me she doesnt say it to my face but gives others the message to pass along. I dont feel as though her treatment of me is justified. I really wouldnt mind that much but she hasnt given me a reason to why she is being like this. I dont want to sever ties as i believe it is mainly her illness and not her that is making her act this way. It really upsets me and i have become withdrawn and i even occaisionally lash out and hit people like my family. What can i do?

btw i am going back to school in a week and a half and i dont know whether to get her a birthday present or not. She told another friend 'tell Hattie not to get me a birthday present because i'm not going to give her one' (my birthday was a few days after hers).

Answer 1

Hi Hattie,
First I assume that you are in high school or just before it.
Secondly, does anyone other than you know that your friend has an eating disorder? If so, do her parents. If her parents are aware it may be good for you to sit with her mom and discuss the problems that you have been having and be honest with her. Just let it be the two of you so you and she both can speak freely and be very reassuring that you will keep in confidence what she says to you and that you need the same from her.
Hattie, your friend is sick and I don't want to scare you but the more you know the more you can help. Go on Google and do some research, I think Dr. Drew may have some stuff on his site and he is great. It is drdrew.com. Educate yourself on the disease she has so you can be more aware of her and why she is acting out. Anorexia is usually caused by some sort of trauma in her early years and therapy would work wonders mostly and there are plenty of 12 step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous but for people with eating disorders. Get a schedule and show her. Tell her you would be more than happy to go with her if she is embarrassed. Also Hattie, there are meetings called Alanon and Alateen. These meetings are for people who live with alcoholics, drug addicts and people with eating disorders and they are very helpful. I hope this helped and if you need more info please just email me. Your friend is extremely lucky to have a friend who cares so much.
An addicts behavior can be erratic so if she finds out that you have been doing any of the things I suggested she may be very upset for a while but in your heart of hearts what is more important to you. Your friend being very ill and possibly dying or her being mad at you. Please Hattie, I beg you to find an ALANON meeting and go. It will make you feel so much better.
Good luck,
Chris
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Answer 2

I don't know. Maybe it's part of her anorexia (it's also a mental sickness, to an extent) or maybe she just found your sticking with her annoying, although, believe me, that was the right thing to do. Maybe she wants be alone for a bit, after the experience she went through, and is feeling a bit scared and sad.
I do think you should get her a birthday present though, but nothing big. Maybe just a cute little card with a smiley face and a little trinket or a small teddy bear or something. Either way, it'll work out between you guys.

Answer 3

That's a tough question.....the girl is mentally ill for starters, it sounds like you have been a true good Friend to her, and unfortunately are not appreciated...The hardest way to deal with this, is to go to her in person(if possible), and in a calm non threatening, or angry matter, confront her about it. Bring the facts to her attention. Get it from the "horses mouth" so to speak. It may be that you tried to "help" her too much (and I'm sure it was done out of love, friendship) and she felt you were being too pushy, or maybe she is angry and ill and just turned on you through no fault of yours and she needed a scapegoat to lash out at. Keep your chin up, and always be a good friend, and if it's not returned it's their loss, and they don't know what they are losing....if it gets ugly....don't acknowledge the sure to come rumors, or insults and they mostly go away....good luck

Answer 4

I have this problem, only my friend hasn't gone to hospital yet and she still won't admit to having a disorder.

It is so hard, I know, the best thing you can do is be friendly and nice to her still, and just think to yourself that under more normal circumstances she wouldn't be saying that. When she recovers she will feel so guily for hurting you, particularly after you've given her so much support. Until then, however hard it is, all you can do is give your support and your love, even if she isn't giving it back.

Also, definitely talk to your friends, family, even teachers about it, so you don't have to suffer this alone.

I really hope your friend gets better and that you can repair your friendship. Good luck.
x

Answer 5

OK listen. The good news and the bad news is, this is not your fault. The good news is, you are not responsible for her behavior change. This has nothing to do with you; she's sick. The bad news is, you are not responsible for her behavior change. This has nothing to do with you; she's sick. Which means, there isn't a thing you can do to change things. You seriously need to wrap your head around the reality that you CAN'T change this. Not "if you were good enough" or anything. You just can't change it. I know this is hard, especially b/c you've had a hard time making friends in the past, but this is the way it really is. I'm not saying you should write her off--be as compassionate as you can without killing your own soul--but you really need to just see things as they are, accept them, and get on with your life. You will have both good and bad times, nothing you can do about that. We all have them both. It certainly doesn't mean you suck--it just means you're human and alive. Keep living.

Answer 6

anorexia is definitely a part of the problem, I would give her the present if you got her one, do not worry if you get one or not.when you get back to school and people see you are really trying to be a good friend to her they will see who is at fault in this relationship.you are a much bigger and kinder person than I would ever be, I myself would have said a long time ago, BA-bye

Answer 7

Anorexia is a mental illness. Being mentally ill, your friend is going to act erratically. Pity her, don't hate her.

All you can do is act like an adult. Wish her well on her birthday and tell her that you're saddened that your friendship has run aground. No gift necessary.

Answer 8

no. do not gibe her a present. you have already done enough, she doesnt deserve it anymore.
look people change and it can be for wahtever reason it is, theyr not the same people anymore and thats that. You have to move on, focus on other things, join some clubs or sports teams and make friends there. surround yourself with only the people you trust. others can go to hell.

Answer 9

Anorexia does attack the brain after a while. Keep that in mind. Don't know what you should do, but you don't deserve to be treated like crap. Hang in there!

Answer 10

if you know she has an eating disorder please tell her parents so she can get some help. she is probally lashing out on you because she has lost all control of her body. dont get her a present, let her be and give it some time and she will come around.