Mother, sister, daughter would you hear me?

Question

I have been lost in my searching and searching for a way to help you and all of us and as I type this tears poor from my eyes to soak my keyboard because it has taken me so long to work this out but surely these are things you will want to learn and then tell our daughters. Tell All our most precious little children that give us love so that we might adore them.

The greatest pain I ever felt was to know that you were raped. Knowing this tried to destroy my soul then as it does now. So I knew long ago that I must work this one out. How to put this? hmmm I have tried wording it a few ways but in truth I just have to tell you so you can begin protecting yourself.

If you are ever approached by one who wishes you ill intent remember how sick in the gut must they be. Surely you will trigger that most violent of internal actions from the trouble he makes you see. This is your weapon. We give you the power use it at will.

I know that some will recognise this from many ages past. If others read it slowly and pay attention to the meaning of each word all can understand.

I did not mention you with the cancer question simply because it is man responsibility to clean up that mess in the body. My Mother, sister and daughter have no need of those words if the man can hear them. For I well know just how much you can feel!

Love

James

I know it is difficult to hear, I wished and wished we had no need for it. Know it’s only knowledge for those who still fear. The rest of my Mothers, Sisters and Daughters all focus on love, the greatest love they feel let it fill your body and your soul because a true woman always knows her mind. She is always guided by the love she feels inside.

Finally I have to say, to our beloved Wife, “You know these words I have written here were made by the love we men came to know through you.”

Answer 1

James, my very dear friend:

I am honored to be walking this path with you. You have searched for a way to help all of us....and you have become a hero to many!

The pain one feels when they become aware of the horrors of abuse....can be over-whelming.

If a person has the strength and the conviction to sit with their own pain...to look deep within themselves and face their painful past....that person will gain much more than they could possibly imagine.

People like yourself...who dare to take your light into the dark...are the healers of others. You will find much healing occurring within yourself as a result of holding out a helping hand to another.

It is my belief that both men and women are equally in need of a kind and understanding place to speak their truths and to express their pain. It takes strength to look at it and it takes more strength to face it.

The greatest healers are those who will get down into the dirt and the pain and the mud of the buried treasures in themselves and in others. A pat on the back or a fancy long worded novel...will not help nearly as much as a loving, feeling, nurturing person to sit and cry with you and yell and scream with you....the release is very healing to the soul.

Once the pain is released...there is room within for love to grow.

I offer you my sincerest and most deeply felt love and respect!

Thank you for your compassion and courage!

Answer 2

Thank you. I was raped when I was 13, by a gang of 4 teenagers and one adult. It's that one adult I continue to hate; the boys I can forgive because they were led astray by the adult.

If you want to do something for us, speak out against the whole idea that "they really want it, even when they say no," or similar false and misleading comments made in bars when men have had a drink or two. It is simply true that any man who wishes to force a woman is not getting love, not even sex; he's getting far less than he could give himself with his own hand.

Somehow the idea that it is "manly" to force a woman got rooted in the male culture, and it's got to be ripped out by men. Women saying it doesn't make a dent. But if you gentlemen would talk up the major advantages to having a woman who wants you, and of being careful to be sure that she really does want you before you get too close, you would be doing a major favor to both women and men. Because men certainly don't like getting thrown in jail, and what happens to them at night in that jail, especially if they have forced a young girl.

Talk up the idea of a man as a protector, not an attacker. Of being our knights in armor, and the rewards of a grateful lady to such a knight.

Answer 3

I was not officially raped, but felt terrible with same degree of disgrace /shame whenever a (trusted) partner withdrew his emotion and passion after fulfilling his own desire. What was my body? A masturbation tool?
After feeling shameful on others command on my body figure, after hurting by the thought I was used by others, after angrily obeying the rules of "good girl," I hated my womanhood. I absolutely hated my monthly period, hated being involved in another relationship, I condemned my fate, and hated the society never understand such feelings.
Now I'm not that angry anymore (fortunately ^.^) but still... I'm not sure what should I do, with my womanhood. I've been focused on my "being human," and neglected my female side for long time.
Yet what if I was a man? As I observed for long time, I see the struggle to be in hierarchy (hopefuly higher) inside mind of many men. (I may be generalizing it too much) Also, I see the hardship giving out love and care, while many woman are (trained to?) automatically giving it out. Wouldn't it be same difficulty? As females been forced to learn the physical limitations and pains of being the second sex, males been forced to fight over to win at the same time?
All sex without spiritual connection is rape I think, wither done to woman or man, done to stranger or spouse. It would be impossibly difficult to live without sexuality, but we can all aware what we are doing.. (in a time, maybe?)

Answer 4

Hi James,
I hear you as a mother, sister and daughter. I hear you with my eyes wide open and my maternal instincts powerfully alert and on protective-mode. There are no easy answers other than to be watchful for our children. No-one was there to listen to me as a child but I was there when episodes repeated themselves with someone under my protection. I listened, took action, protected and sheltered her from further emotional and physical harm. It’s hard for the soul when someone who is there to love and protect you abuses this responsibility. We hear you because we all care. And yes we must be honest, admit to what we have experienced and tell our children to be wary. We cannot allow those who try to get away with it, hide behind their secrets, their deviousness and their lies. Time brings it all out into the open and time does help heal some wounds.
Polly

Answer 5

James, dear man, Your tears will promote many others.
So many I have held in my hands. Raped as women and as little children. Monstrous!
And yes, could we but empower them all!

And, like you, James, as I have sat with them I have cried their tears too. But then gone on to help them release that pain, those tears.
And I tell you that that can be done!
This most monstrous pain can be let go, with help and with love.

My heart goes out to all who have suffered like this.

And a great big thumbs up to the first responder!
Women who have been raped once are far more likely to experience it again, simply because it fills their horizons. To break into that cycle of horror is indeed the challenge.

Answer 6

you freaking me out man stop talking about rape and bad stuff pain is bad my young mind ooohhh the horror look not trying to be a jerk but I am moved by what you said it is a vary deep topic most won't speak on I really look up too you for this james

Answer 7

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Answer 8

(((James))). Thank you for your words and love.

I was raped at a time when young girls were not made aware of what a penis and a vagina were, so when I was raped, I did not understand what had happened to me. I was 13. When I tried to tell my mother and sister that something was wrong, that something had happened to me, no one believed me, because the man who did this to me was my father's (then deceased) best friend, the man who introduced my father to my mother, the man who really was a great part of the reason I was even born.

By the time I was 15, I was well on my way to an addictive lifestyle. I lost myself in a smokescreen of narcotic, not caring where the drugs came from, as long as I had them. There was one moment of remembrance, during a therapy session when I was 16, but my therapist moved right after that moment, and I shoved the memory of rape back down, denying its release.

By the time I hit my forties, I had become an abomination of a human being. I thought the answer to all of our children's problems was to reach out to new dimensions, using pot to get there. I was unaware of the horror I had become, offering to get the drug for anyone who wanted it.

And then the memory returned. Like a movie it played reel by reel in my mind's eye. And still I shoved it down for another 5 years, until a wonderful man presented himself to me, and I pushed him away, not knowing what I was doing or why. When he turned away and ran like hell, I had to look at myself, me, who called myself Master, Teacher, Self-aware, even daring to call myself "actualized."

There is NO ONE who could have done for me what I had to do for myself. NO ONE could have looked at me in the mirror and said, Who, What have you become and why? DENY THIS NO LONGER. And then I could not.

Then, friend, came the hard part. Then came the part when not only did I have to face the rape, I had to face the fact that not one of my siblings believed me STILL. That I had NO support group -- no one who would stand by me through this most difficult time of awareness that had to SOMEHOW lead to forgiveness.

The only way for me to heal was to become aware of the abomination I had become, and to recognize that I became that way because of this unresolved trauma. THEN I had to look at my abuser, and realize that the reason HE became the abomination that HE was, was because of an unresolved trauma, or a learned response from someone he respected.

I became everything my abuser already was. If I wanted to forgive myself for the abomination I had become, I HAD to forgive the man who raped me. And then I had to forgive those who had no faith in me, who did not support me when I needed them so.

All of this forgiveness. All of this to heal and to stay whole. What kind of path did I choose for myself???

It was the single most difficult thing I have ever ever done in my entire life. But through the experience, I acquired clarity. I learned truth.

It was the greatest gift I could have given myself. And only I could have done it.

Answer 9

James you are a very soft hearted one... thanks for kind sentiments.

I would like to say something though.. It is often better to deal with the positive side of things rather than warning and fearing negative side.. like attracts like.. if i meditate on fear pain atrocities (even if my intention is to GET RID of fear pain and atrocities), that is what will manifest in my life more and more.
so instead of war against domestic violence, i say pro harmonious family, love etc. instead of war against terror, pro peace!

It's so much nicer to concentrate on the beauty, and we immediately will find more in our lives

peace love and blessings to you
:-)

Answer 10

happy_n_freeon... has wisdom. When you're ready, re-read what she has said. It is from the heart and true.

Many of us hear your pain and thank you for caring so much.